Two events converged in July to implant a wild idea in the collective consciousness. First, while working promoting F9, Vin Diesel expressed his love of musicals, and alluded to the idea of making one in the Fast and Furious franchise. Next, inspired by that news, comedian, actor and musician Rocky Paterra took to TikTok to demonstrate how a Fast and Furious musical might sound.
While many had a laugh, Diesel and Paterra may have stumbled over an excellent idea. What if the problem, however, is that FF isn't the Diesel franchise calling out for a musical? What if xXx, the James Bond-but-extreme action series, is the Diesel project best suited for a bit of song and dance?
That's not to say there's anything wrong with the idea of a Fast and Furious musical, per se. On the contrary, as ably demonstrated by Paterra, there is plenty of glee to be found in the series' premise of fast cars, family and fighting to save the world. If and when such an event comes to pass, it will almost certainly pack multiplexes.
The assertion, however, is xXx would be an even better choice. The spy games meet X-Games set pieces offer wildly fertile ground to stage musical numbers. Globetrotting is a matter of course for the franchise: In three films, they visit more locales than FF, even at the franchise's most expansive. It is entirely plausible for one scene in an xXx musical to take place on the street of a neighborhood in Detroit and the next in a castle in Prague.
Moreover, it is significantly easier to imagine Xander Cage (Diesel) participating in a dance scene than Dominic Toretto. Cage loves to party, loves the flash and thrill of a nightclub; Toretto is, well, a family man. Perhaps he and Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) still occasionally grind to "Put It On Me" after they tuck in Dom's son. Still, the stoic gearhead absolutely doesn't join in big group dance scenes these days, if he ever did.
The most crucial aspect to consider is, of course, the music. To build a strong musical, the subject matter needs to provide strong themes capable of supporting musical motifs. Here, xXx offers plenty. For example, there's the tension between Cage's desire to fully embrace life running up against his responsibility to do his part to save the world. Additionally, he may struggle with the queasy tradeoff that saving the world often requires him to team up with institutions he views as tools of the status quo.
The cast of supporting characters in the xXx universe brings the filmmakers even more fodder. Imagine the rueful lamentations of Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson), Cage's handler, as he ponders a world that remains in danger despite his career-long quest to save it? Or Adele Wolff (Ruby Rose) raging against the injustice of poachers as she witnesses yet another endangered species dragged from its native habitat? The xXx franchise offers a rich tapestry of possibilities.
Does one of those possibilities include an xXx musical getting made, though? That is, unfortunately, a far thornier issue. While reports of a new xXx film, the fourth in the series, circulated in 2018, it seems no closer to happening more than three years later. The cause of this is no mere script or scheduling issues, either.
Initially, COVID-19, disruptor of most people's lives and jobs, seemed to be the obvious culprit. However, by the time safer sets were possible, another hurdle had arisen. The rights to the film series have become tied up in a rather complex lawsuit that involves multiple companies and allegations of contract violation. Until the Gordian Knot of who owes what to whom and who failed to follow through on which promise becomes unraveled, xXx 4 remains in development hell.
Given how slowly lawsuits often wind their way through the court systems, this could be the case for quite a bit longer. No amount of soft shoe or "I Want" bangers seem likely to accelerate things.