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Bat Action Zero: 15 Bad Batman Action Figures That Make No Sense

Batman is one of the most popular superheroes on the planet, so it naturally makes sense that this character would get a ton of toys. These range from small toys like Hot Wheels cars and Heroclix figures all the way up to giant toys that are even taller than the kids playing with them. However, there’s just one problem with all of this: kids demand variety when it comes to toys. That’s why toys based around super-teams like the Avengers are so popular and why kids love to collect and play with multiple figures, assembling entire teams of heroes and the villains who oppose them. With Batman, that’s not really an option. Sure, there’s a cool rogues’ gallery of villains, but there is only one Caped Crusader and this presented both a question and a challenge: how can these toymakers get kids to keep buying Batman after they already have a figure or two?

The answer was simple: create multiple versions of Batman. This wasn’t such a crazy idea, considering how often the character uses special costumes in the various comics, TV shows, movies, and video games, however, there are only so many cool variations on Batman you can create. What’s that mean? At the end of the day, there are a lot of bad Batman figures -- enough to fill a Bat-cave with. All of this leaves another simple question: which ones are the worst of the lot? Don’t worry, you won’t have to research with the Bat-computer. Just keep reading to discover 15 Batman Action Figures That Make No Sense!

15 NEURAL CLAW BATMAN

We’re not entirely sure what is going on with “Neural Claw Batman.” First, the color scheme is really weird -- we can’t really understand why the guy who wants to blend in with the night and with the shadows also wants to be the guy with a bunch of neon red on his costume.

Also, we’re not sure what a “neural claw is,” but the idea that Batman got extra arms that are only slightly longer than his regular arms makes this look like a really weird form of compensation. Well, at least he can constantly flip off his foes with his weird little claws!

14 FIST FURY BATMAN

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Ever wonder what it would be like if people made action figures out of DeviantArt pictures? Wonder no more, because that’s basically what “Fist Fury Batman” is. Just by looking at it, there's basically nothing about this figure that makes any kind of sense, no matter how you slice it.

First, it’s weird to think that Batman stripped most of his clothes off but he still kept the mask, all while ditching his regular trousers for bright green yoga pants and also weird armor that exposes a midriff. Finally, we can’t get over that the basic figure conceit is that Batman gave up all his gadgets and decided to just punch people while half-naked the entire time!

13 PIRANHA BLADE BATMAN

Remember when everyone gave Zack Snyder crap for having Batman constantly ending people? As it turns out, maybe Snyder was just a huge fan of vintage Batman toys, because as near as we can tell, “Piranha Blade Batman” is designed to lethally dispatch all of his foes.

The design of the character is pretty bad -- from the top down, it looks like we caught Batman while he was transforming into his plane. However, the weirdest design choice is the giant blade that is his only weapon: it’s tough to imagine interrogating criminals when your only weapon is designed to tear them apart.

12 DECOY BATMAN

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Look, we get it: a large part of Batman’s schtick is that he uses deception and fear to help him defeat his foes. On any given day, he’s basically a ninja running around in a bat costume. However, “Decoy Batman” takes this basic idea way, way too far.

That’s because the “decoy” is utterly insane -- it’s simply Bruce Wayne holding out a giant Batman torso and hoping you’ll aim for that instead. This sounds terribly ineffective at doing anything except telling us that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person. Besides, we all know Batman doesn’t need another decoy -- that’s what a Robin is for.

11 TRANSFORMING DICK GRAYSON

On paper, the idea of Batman and Robin toys where they can transform into their alter egos makes a lot of sense, after all, this is the general premise that their comics are built on. However, “Transforming Dick Grayson” shows us how this idea doesn’t always work so well in the real world.

Mostly, it’s because there’s no real transformation involved at all. Regular Dick Grayson is still wearing Robin colors, for instance, and even when his mask is off, his face looks like a five o’clock shadow migrated from his chin to his eyes and temples. Considering that his regular mask doesn’t cover any more of his face than a pair of sunglasses, this is an especially silly design choice.

10 LASER BATMAN BEYOND

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In The Dark Knight, Harvey Dent gave us some pretty legendary shower thoughts. He believed that heroes could either die as heroes or live long enough to see themselves become the villain. It’s a cool and philosophical thought... or maybe just a literal description of the Batman toys.

In this case, we have “Laser Batman” from Batman Beyond. He is barely recognizable as Batman, though, and he actually looks a lot more like a villain (say, Killer Moth 2.0). Even if you can clearly recognize Batman under there, we’d question any Caped Crusader who dressed up in so many light-reflective clothes!

9 KNIGHT STAR BATMOBILE

Have you ever thought about how silly the Batmobile is? While Batman’s life often depends on stealth, he is determined to drive the biggest and flashiest vehicle that he possibly can. If you thought the Batmobile couldn’t get any sillier, then you’ve never seen the Knight Star Batmobile.

First of all, the entire thing is a kind of puke-tinted yellow. As a design choice, it’s flat-out ugly, but it also stands out to cops, villains, and anyone else Batman might be trying to hide from. We also have to question the missile launcher -- in a toy line that focused on hand-to-hand combat, Batman drives around with something that can wipe out anyone with one shot.

8 BATMAN AND JOKER GUITARS

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One of our favorite subreddits is dedicated to a special theme: “awful taste, great execution.” This is when somebody has a bad idea, and then they bring it to life in an ostentatious or spectacular way, which is pretty much the best description that we can offer for these Batman and Joker guitars.

It may sound good on paper to create cool guitars based around these iconic characters, but the simplicity of their comic design doesn’t translate well to the guitars, so much of the design (although translated very faithfully) just seems plain. Plus, we can’t get over the idea of playing a set with the heads of these characters mean mugging us the entire time!

7 TANK BLASTER BATMAN

Our favorite kind of bad toy is when the design is so weird and ill-fitting that you can’t tell if it’s a knockoff or the real thing. That’s the case with “Tank Blaster Batman,” a very real figure that shows what happens when toy designers know nothing about what they are creating.

As any Batman fan knows, he hates two things: guns and taking people out. Which makes sense because his parents were shot down. However, this figure turns Batman into one giant gun, and he is designed only to gun people down. Long story short? When you turn your anti-gun hero into a wannabe crazed gunman, then you should probably go back to square one.

6 SLALOM RACER BATMAN

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The basic idea of Batman being ready for weird situations isn’t so crazy. That’s his character -- he’s ready for anything. It really starts getting absurd when you see that Batman has built an entire costume around something he will never do, and that’s the case with Slalom Racer Batman.

Don’t bother double checking, you read that right. This is a Batman whose only strength is being able to ski really, really well. On top of the insane idea and costume, we’re wondering why a character who can basically glide with his cape would need to be a mastering of skiing in the first place?

5 BATMAN HAMSTER HOUSE

The true sign of a character’s success is when his merchandise stops making any sense altogether and after all of Batman’s success, it almost makes sense that we’d get insanity like the Batman Hamster House -- one product that you will never unsee.

First, the design is really bad. This is nominally the Batcave, but we can only tell because of the Joker card inside. Second, it’s not clear what the hamster’s relationship is to Batman. Is the hamster supposed to be Robin, or is he just Batman’s assistant for when it comes to spinning on a pole? We’re happy this thing has a “look-out tower” so the hamster can see their crazy owner coming.

4 BAT-SIGNAL JET

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Sometimes, a “mash-up” is a pretty fun idea: creators take two different things, mash’em together, and we get something fun and new. Not every mashup is a good idea, though. What’s our proof? Look no further than the Bat-Signal jet.

Batman’s bat-signal is an important part of his mythology -- it’s how you get his attention, and his plane is how he gets around. The real question is what the point of a bat-signal plane is. Batman doesn't need to be flying around the city and either trying to get his own attention, or just advertising his services to the public.

3 BATMAN LEG LAMP

Let’s say you want a Batman lamp -- it’s not the craziest desire as plenty of people have weird genre lamps for their home or office. With that being said, we're pretty sure that anyone that buys this Batman Leg Lamp is going to end up on some very specialized watch list.

First, it sucks as a lamp. Unless you want to light the room up with your own Bat-signal all the time, then this is a poor source of light. Also, if you really want a Batman lamp, you probably want one where the character is doing something cool. His leg isn’t exciting to most people but if it’s exciting to you, this is the perfect thing for you.

2 BATMAN AND AX RHINO

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The essence of good comics characters is that readers want to know more. You see a single image, maybe a cover or panel, and you instantly want to know the story behind it. However, bad toys are the opposite, and all it takes is one look for you to say “I don’t want to know.” This is for sure the case with “Batman and Ax Rhino.”

The name pretty much says it all: it’s Batman in some super-garish colors, ready to beat criminals senseless with his giant ax and, for some reason, he’s being helped by a tiny mechanical rhino. At some point, we have to admit that this thing is basically just a Batman toy in name only.

1 ANTI-VIRUS BRUCE WAYNE

Some of the toys on this list are going to have to defenders. They’ll point out that maybe if you put on or take off some accessory, the toy won’t look so bad. For this last one, though, we have some bad news -- it’s a dumb toy no matter how much you take off or put on.

Without the accessories, this is just Batman without his mask on, not very inspiring or original, but when you put everything on, he looks like he’s basically on fire. It’s a weird design choice to imply this Batman is fighting some kind of virus and then make him look like some kind of virus brought to life! Maybe they should just relabel this “Parallax Batman” and call it a day.

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