WARNING: The following contains major spoilers for What We Do in the Shadows Season 3, Episode 7, "The Siren," now available on Hulu via FX.
It's been awhile since we've seen the vampires of What We Do in the Shadows actually feeding, despite their blood-soaked backyard. "The Siren" begins with a very brief cold open in which Laszlo and Colin visit a harbor in Staten Island. A lit-up party boat with a "gaggle of human flotsam that doesn't even belong on the sea" makes for the perfect buffet. Laszlo does his thing, Colin laughs as a few survivors flee, and they're off in their stolen vessel.
At the house, in another fitting celebrity cameo, Nadja is having a Zoom meeting with a confused Scott Bakula. Bakula sounds an awful lot like Dracula, and Nandor mistakenly believes he's a Count. He asks if any of his ancestors lived in Transylvania and the actor replies that, nope, they're from Sherman Oaks. The gag is just more evidence of how poor a job Nandor and Nadja are doing as co-supreme leader. Their latest diplomatic compromise is that they alternate control. The Guide complains that this means every workday is wasted undoing the work of the previous day. Things haven't been this bad since Paduk the Deranged tried to share his throne with what he believed to be a talking footstool.
All this politicking has kept Nadja so busy that she no longer has time for "Doll with the spirit of deceased human Nadja inhabiting it." A self-important Guillermo is annoyed he has to film his talking head interviews alongside the doll because he considers her a B-team character, and is insulted to find the documentary crew thinks that he is, too. The loneliness has thrust Doll into an existential crisis. We see a montage of the good times she's had at the house -- singing, fencing and such -- but she's come to feel superfluous to the other housemates, and as Nandor and Nadja are debating the merits of blood ice cream, she packs up her things in a hobo sack on a stick and heads out.
Meanwhile, Laszlo and and Colin have commandeered the party boat to sail to Plum Island, which Colin believes could be the place of origin for energy vampires. It's the home of a government-run animal testing facility that the pair expects to be heavily guarded. Laszlo, it seems, has a long nautical history and a real fondness for life on the open water. He worked his way up from the poop decks all the way to captaining "the Titanic for two seconds," and he misses drowning in sea shanties, prostitutes, sword fights and gold. As Colin slathers himself in sunscreen in the dead of night (because it feels good), they begin to hear a haunting song that isn't coming from the boat's radio. They realize it's probably a trap, but they can't resist the woman's voice.
The creature that's beckoning them is, of course, a siren. A siren is, as Colin helpfully explains, a mythical creature that sometimes takes the form of a bird and lures sailors. This siren's bottom half is bird like, but her top half looks like that of an unkept dumpster diver. Laszlo and Colin are equally fascinated and repulsed by her. It appears that if they stay, she intends to eat them, as she's currently sucking down some severed limbs when they arrive.
Meanwhile, Nadja has torn the house apart looking for Doll. Nandor thinks she's probably under the couch or something, but -- as they share a mind -- Nadja knows she's gone because that's exactly what she'd do if she wanted to cause drama. She, Nandor and Guillermo set off to find her. It doesn't take them long as she's in the first place they look: a toy aisle, hiding among the plush animals. She ambushes Nandor, who violently throws her. Nadja worries he's killed her, but she's actually transported into a mannequin. She obviously wants their attention, but she refuses to go back. She continues to evade them, inhabiting a statue of an angel and a giant blow-up rat balloon, until Nadja defiantly gives up. It's clear Nadja has a love/hate relationship with Doll, and thus herself. When Nandor accidentally pops the rat balloon and nearly kills Doll again, the bit becomes the perfect metaphor for Nadja's exhaustion and self-neglect. She and Doll reconcile and promise to practice some self-care with each other.
Laszlo promised Colin that he wouldn't leave him, but at the first sign of danger, he cries "bat." He has a plan, though... or at least he hopes Guillermo does. Guillermo takes Laszlo to a Best Buy to purchase some noise-canceling headphones, but Laszlo gets caught up in an employee named Judi's sales pitches and leaves with a cart full of new electronics. He does, however, use hypnotism instead of money to pay for them.
He realizes he's left Colin for dead, and flaps back to the island where he discovers that Colin and Sheila the siren have actually hit it off. Colin can't resist her when she's singing, but when she's not, he doesn't want to resist her, which he reckons is true love. Laszlo points to the fact that she's eating raw fish and tells him he's mad, but Colin is undeterred, even when she poops on his shoes. Suspecting Colin's about to be swallowed whole, Laszlo slaps some headphones on him and carries him away from her influence. Laszlo tells Colin it was all an enchantment, and Colin plays along, but when he's alone in his room, he finds her song on an old radio and asks for some privacy.
The first seven episodes of What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 are streaming now on Hulu via FX.