WARNING: The following contains major spoilers for What We Do in the Shadows Season 3, Episode 3, "Gail," now available on Hulu via FX.
In What We Do in the Shadows' last episode, Nandor was rejected by his crush. At the start of this week's episode, "Gail," his mopey behavior concerns his housemates. He's sneaking off without telling anyone and avoiding official Vampiric Council business (like helping Nadja update the website). Even Guillermo, his newly appointed bodyguard, doesn't know what he's up to. They assume he's depressed about Meg. Laszlo figures he's tending to his wounded heart at the penny porno gallery. But when they try to track him down, they discover that Nandor's on the rebound with a woman.
A cringingly desperate Nandor declares his love for this mysterious Gail, which is suspect because he declared his love for the gym receptionist just days ago. He's never been particularly lucky in love, and he summarizes his past relationships to prove the point. First, there were his 37 wives (but most of them hated him), followed by a centuries-long slump, and then finally, he met Gail. They've been on-again, off-again since the '80s, and as is the case with Jim and Pam from The Office, he knows almost everything about her, including her favorite flavor of yogurt -- strawberry vanilla crunch.
So Nandor does what any smitten boyfriend would do; he fills up a mini-fridge with yogurt and tidies up the house in hopes of pulling off the perfect evening. Nadja, however, isn't so smitten with Gail. Laszlo insists that she hates her more than anyone in the world, but Nadja clarifies that she's just sick of Gail breaking Nandor's heart. This isn't your average "we were on a break" type of rocky courtship. Gail happens to be human, and Nandor has repeatedly offered to turn her into a vampire so they can live in eternity together. With every dalliance, she gets his hopes up, then changes her mind at the last minute. Nadja just doesn't want to see her friend get hurt again, so she's understandably skeptical when Nandor pulls out an engagement ring.
Gail arrives, and Nandor's got Bob Seger on to get her in the mood. While he dances pantless and offers her yogurt, she explains to the camera that Nandor is an acquired taste, like sardines. In Gail's analogy, people are afraid to try them. Then they decide that they like them and gorge themselves on them for a few months before deciding they're sick of them. Then years later, they wonder why they don't eat sardines anymore. Nadja can sense the disappointment coming, but she tries to engage Gail in small talk anyway. She's annoyed that all the men think the tension between them is "a woman thing."
Nandor asks Nadja to entertain Gail for a while. However, Gail claims that she has to get back to her condo to watch Grey's Anatomy. Alas, she doesn't make it home in time, and under the full moon, Nadja witnesses Gail transform into a werewolf (though Nandor later supplies the correct term: werewoman).
The housemates break the news to Nandor, but he is already wise. Gail's only crime, he says, was stealing his heart. Nandor asks the other vampires and Guillermo to accompany him to the park so they can see werewolves aren't so bad. Instead, they find Gail making out with a werewolf named Anton. He's the one who turned her, but Gail tells the camera that things aren't really that serious. Guillermo and Nadja rush to Nandor's defense. Nadja wants a free-for-all fight to the death, but Guillermo suggests that -- in an homage to Twilight -- they play a round of kickball. The ballfield lights flicker on, and the game, which involves a fair amount of levitating and transfiguration, begins.
It ends when Nadja accidentally kills Gail with a swift kickball to the head. Nandor leaps into action, biting her in the neck to turn her into a vampire and prevent her from succumbing to natural death. When she rises, he gets down on one knee and pops the question. A now immortal Gail tells Nandor that she was married before, and it's just not really something she's interested in doing again. But she continues to string him along, saying that in thirty or forty years, who knows? They have all of eternity to figure this thing out, but she needs to get back to Buffalo to see her daughter.
In a thin subplot, Colin Robinson is consumed with solving the mystery of where energy vampires come from. With Laszlo's help (he's only helping because he wants Colin to shut up), he pours through every book in the Vampiric Council's library. When one of the books unlocks a secret compartment that contains Laszlo's impounded old car, the guys try to get it up and running again. Colin says he's a great driver, but he smashes the vehicle along with several priceless vampiric artifacts after failing to notice the garage door button. In What We Do in the Shadows' final moments, the website has been modernized (with the Guide's help), the car successfully refurbished, and Nandor joins his friends for a joyride as a well-meaning Guillermo puts a hand to his back, happy to have the threat of Gail in the rearview mirror.
See Nandor and Gail's unusual relationship in Season 3 of What We Do in the Shadows. The first three episodes are streaming now on Hulu via FX.