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Top 5 Suggestions for further “Confessions” posts (Not to be taken seriously!)

by  in Comic News Comment
Top 5 Suggestions for further “Confessions” posts (Not to be taken seriously!)

I just love a bandwagon, so I’m getting in on this list thing while the getting’s good!

Following the lead established by Greg and shamelessly aped by me, here are suggestions for five more “Confessions” that blog regulars (yeah, I’m calling myself a regular; deal with it) can make. These are in the style of a running gag Conan O’Brian did when I thought he was funny, which has been parodied with a cartoon icon on youtube. Which makes them nothing like Greg’s or my post at all:

1. Bill Reed- I only have a lukewarm affection for wacky comics. I’m just not that in to them. We should just be friends, really.
2. Greg Hatcher- I kinda hate kids and old genre fiction.
3. Alex- When I said I don’t want to read a New Warriors comic written by people who memorized the works of John Byrne and Jim Shooter, what I mean was that I want to read a New Warriors comic by Jim Shooter and John Byrne. Accept no substitutes!
4. Joe Rice- Subjectivity is a-okay with me, and in the spirt of that, the works of Mike Kunkel are not radioactive shit posion. Also, I am not creeped out by Brad’s constant passing references to me.
5. Brian- I am a robot programmed to churn out content and judge things as either awesome or creepy using an algorithm. (Okay, that one’s an open secret, but I think he should confirm it just so we can all move on with our lives.)

Special Bonus Contributor Confession!
Mark Andrew- I don’t drop g’s and n’s as a stylistic tic. I am just mortally afraid of them ending words.

I think I’ve pissed in every semi-regular contributor’s corn flakes. Figuratively. Well, except Danielle, but she’s a girl who reads manga, so I can’t accurately think of a way to mock her, because I know nothing about anything she represents and she kind of scares the crap out of me. This was a perfectly good clubhouse to talk about Avengers and Green Lantern until we let one of them in, damn it.

P.S.,

The preceding was meant as parody. Or satire. Whatever it is that people call Frank Miller comics when they want to justify liking them. The author does not actually hold any malice towards his fellow, more prolific/responsible/hygenic contributors. Or the woman, either.

Crap! He’s totally not sexist! Neither am I! I didn’t mean to imply that at all! Don’t sick those attacking fangirls on us! He doesn’t view women as objects! Of course, that’s partially because they make for crappy tables, but that’s beside the point! He’s totally a feminist! He reads comics about strong female characters by a variety of middle aged, white writers, some of whom have healthy, meaningful relationships with women. Statistically they’d have too, right?

I’m making things worse, aren’t I? Can I just say that no one, at all, ever should take anything this guy every write seriously? Think that’ll cover our asses? Awesome. Now I can get back to reading the script to All Star Batman and Robin #1.

Sincerely,

Comics Should Be Good’s Previously Unknown Ombudsman Who Totally Exists And Has Been Here The Whole Time, Santiago Ustinov Excelsior III, Esquire

P.P.S.- I wasn’t kidding about Brian being a robot. He’s at least a Vision like android programmed with the memories of the real Brian, who was presumably crushed by a stack of comics where Asians are not drawn looking like Asians, cementing Robo-Brian’s hatred of them.

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