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The 15 “Thirstiest” Superheroes

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The 15 “Thirstiest” Superheroes

Does having superpowers help you get some? Yes and no. Certainly many superheroes are popular in the sack, but in many cases these heroes are so attractive they’d almost certainly be popular even without powers. Of course, in some cases powers certainly help. Bruce Wayne might be a playboy without the Bat-suit, but surely Superman attracts more lovers than everyday Clark Kent does. However, while impressive powers or a cool costume might be turn-ons, being a superhero isn’t always the aphrodisiac some want it to be. Plenty of “thirsty” heroes remain unable to get their desires quenched.

CBR has covered superheroes who get tons of action in the past, but the love lives of superheroes prove so fascinating that a whole new list is in order, avoiding repeats from the previous lists and focusing on heroes who want action regardless of whether or not they succeed. Some of these heroes are extremely popular lovers, while others just desperately wish they were. Would you desire to quench the thirsts of any of these heroes? Be sure to let everyone know in the comments… if you’re not too embarrassed about it, that is!

15. PLASTIC MAN

Plastic Man poses as Big Barda dress JLA 33

Now here’s a hero who doesn’t know how to manage his libido appropriately. One of the silliest superheroes of the Golden Age of Comics, Plastic Man’s comic relief role in darker and edgier times involves a lot of jokes about him being a pervert. The jokes about his flexibility in bed practically write themselves, but alas, Plastic Man is more a creeper than a lover.

Plastic Man’s single creepiest moment might just be in JLA #33, where he disguised himself as a dress for Big Barda. Yeah, this isn’t any less gross in context than it is out of it. In JLA #62, he also tried to use his shapeshifting powers to peek in on Wonder Woman, though she put a decisive stop to that nonsense.

14. SUPERBOY

superboy

To be specific, this is refering to the Conner Kent version of Superboy, introduced in 1993 following The Death of Superman, not the “Clark Kent as a kid” version, the Prime version or either of the Superman’s son versions (legacy characters can get confusing). Conner was the hip youthful clone of Superman and someone else (the identity of that someone got retconned multiple times). Like many a teenage boy, sex was on his mind a lot.

Two Superboy moments from the Batman/Superman comic series stick out in particular. In the first instance, when trapped with Supergirl, he starts to fantasize about being trapped with Power Girl instead (Power Girl is famous for her cleavage). The second and weirder instance was in issue #26 where he found robots modeled after the female Teen Titans and got a little bit too excited over them.

13. DEADPOOL

How many superheroes get pegged by their sex worker girlfriend in their big budget origin story movies? Deadpool is one of a kind in that regard. His 2016 movie made waves as the most explicit of mainstream superhero movies, but Deadpool’s been thirsty in the comics long before that. This is one example where his surprising success in bed is almost certainly due to being a superhero. Without the costume on, he’s not exactly a looker.

Deadpool’s sexuality is in constant flux due to the way his brain constantly rebuilds itself. He can be straight one moment, gay the next, bi at a different time, etc. One thing that remains constant: he’s always a huge flirt. Even when he got married to Shiklah, it was a semi-open marriage, and he was still allowed to pursue relations with Hillary Clinton, Thor, Hellcat, Zombie Bea Arthur and, of course, Spider-Man.

12. BLACK CANARY

wedding green arrow black canary

For a while, Black Canary’s desires were thoroughly satisfied by her husband Green Arrow, who similarly has a reputation as a “thirsty” superhero. Undoing their entire relationship was one of the more controversial changes in the New 52, and one the ongoing Green Arrow Rebirth series is working to remedy. Even without her main squeeze, though, Black Canary is able to get plenty of action with practically anyone she desires.

At times, however, that action has gotten a bit, uh, creepy. Case in point: her relationship as an adult with the teenage superhero The Ray. DC’s editors tried to claim nothing actually went on between them (The Ray has also been retconned as gay), but they can’t erase the discomfort many readers felt about their storyline together.

11. BEAST BOY

TT 1 - Beast Boy - Sleeps Naked - Final

Beast Boy, also known as Changeling, can shapeshift into any animal you can imagine. Frequently, the animal he chooses to become is a horndog. Like, literally. At one point in The Judas Contract, he transformed into a dog so he could look up Starfire’s skirt. That’s an aspect of his personality you don’t see in the Teen Titans TV cartoons.

Beast Boy’s enjoyed a number of romantic relationships, most notably with Terra and with Raven. His flirtatious “lady’s man” attitude is part of the comedic persona he’s built for himself (he jokes about everything to hide his inner pain). While his perviness has been toned down over the years, Teen Titans Rebirth #1 featured him skinny dipping with a girl, so he’s still got that thirst going.

10. MOONSTONE

Moonstone Wardrobe Malfunction Ms Marvel Tigra

Karla Sofen, the second person to carry the Moonstone mantle, was a villain long before she could ever be considered even an anti-hero. She was one of Captain America’s original enemies in the ’40s and a member of the Masters of Evil. She’s since reformed, though still skirts the line between good and evil. She was the leader of the ex-villain team the Thunderbolts, a member of the Dark Avengers and for a brief period in 2009 she was even Ms. Marvel. And she’s extremely thirsty!

On her first mission with the Thunderbolts, she decisively wanted to finish early so she could knock boots with a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. While she was on that team, she also romanced Hawkeye. More questionably, she took the virginity of Noh-Varr, aka Marvel Boy, the youngest of her teammates on the Dark Avengers.

9. BOOSTER GOLD

Booster-Gold-thirsty

Yes, the above image is too perfect for this list. No, he’s not actually talking about sex but rather giving a sponsorship to Soder Cola. Psychologically, however, is it so different? Booster Gold’s motivation more than anything is attention. Sometimes that attention is financial, which is why he’s involved in so many corporate advertisements and product endorsements. Other times, the attention he craves is physical.

A man out of time only a “superhero” because he brings with him technology from a more advanced era, Booster Gold is often successful at attracting attention but significantly less successful at forging lasting connections. He’s a womanizer who enjoys many one night stands but has never had a long-term girlfriend (another thing he does NOT have in common with Green Lantern, stop confusing them!).

8. CATWOMAN

Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman Batman Returns

This one kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? Catwoman is the quintessential femme fatale, a woman who knows how to use her physical allure to get what she wants, and she enjoys it. Her relationship with Batman is a complicated one. Sometimes they’re enemies, other times they’re partners. Frequently, she teases and tempts him. Occasionally, they actually get down! On Earth-2, they gave birth to Huntress, another character notable for her exploits.

While Batman and Catwoman have a lot of chemistry, both characters are quite thirsty in general and are by no means exclusive to each other. Selina had a child with Sam Bradley Jr. and temporarily lent the Catwoman mantle to Eiko Hasigawa. In Catwoman #39, the two Catwomen confessed their love for each other and kissed.

7. PHIL KEN SEBBEN

Harvey Birdman Phil Ken Sebben

Back in the day, Phil Ken Sebben was Falcon 7, the Nick Fury-esque leader of Birdman and the Galaxy Trio. In Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, the Adult Swim Hanna-Barbera parody series, he was the crazy president of the Sebben & Sebben law firm. He’s notable for three main qualities: he’s got an eyepatch, he’s voiced by Stephen Colbert and his mind is firmly in the gutter, always laughing at his own dirty jokes.

Now to be fair, making dirty jokes doesn’t necessarily equal a heightened desire for the things you’re joking about, but with Sebben, his constant innuendoes are downright Freudian. “Ha ha! Freudian.” That’s a thing he said. Also: “Ha, ha, ha… loins.” “Ha, ha! Bi-curious…” “Ha, ha… Dangly parts.” He might not get around as much as some people on this list, but he sure is thinking about it!

6. CAPTAIN HAMMER

Captain Hammer

“The hammer is my penis.” These words are all you need to know to understand why Captain Hammer, the scumbag superhero from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, is on this list. Well, maybe a few additional song lyrics might also help elaborate: “This is so nice! I just might sleep with the same girl twice! They say it’s better the second time, they say you get to do the weird stuff!” (And then his groupies sing: “We do the weird stuff!”)

For loveless casual sex, few superheroes get around as much as Captain Hammer. He’s even able to charm the pants off a thoughtful activist like Penny, all in spite of being transparently an uncaring jerk. How does he do it? Well, if you looked and sang like Nathan Fillion, you can bet you’d be getting serious action no matter how obnoxious you were.

5. MASTER ROSHI

Lest anyone accuse this list of ageism for focusing on heroes in their primes, Master Roshi is here giving some much needed representation to the pervy old man demographic! Goku’s first mentor in the Dragon Ball franchise is impossibly strong, impressively wise… and also just completely ridiculous when it comes to how he manages his thirst for attractive women.

Roshi has a large collection of adults-only magazines, a perfectly fine way to deal with his thirst even if it’s off-putting in a show ostensibly aimed at tweens. When it comes to interacting with real women, however, his actions are a lot less appropriate. He’s a serial groper who never learns his lesson even when the women he harasses give him a piece of their minds.

4. STARFOX

2 Starfox Marvel

No, not the Nintendo character! This list is judging by canon, not by furry fan-fiction! This Starfox is an Avenger, one of the Eternals and the brother of Thanos in the Marvel universe. He is decidedly NOT a furry. He is, however, extremely popular with the ladies… and, based on the orgy scene in Thanos #1, people of all genders and sentient species! His real name is literally Eros!

What makes his popularity suspicious are his powers of psychic manipulation. Could he be controlling his partners without their consent? In She-Hulk #6-7, Starfox was on trial for sexual assault. His defense attorney She-Hulk cleared his name, but even if he didn’t assault anyone, the way he’s manipulated others with his powers makes him a morally questionable superhero at best.

3. PANTY ANARCHY

Panty Anarchy

A lot of superheroes might be thirsty, but how many are as thirsty as Panty Anarchy, one of the heroines of the anime Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt? More to the point, how many of those superheroes actually save the world through acting upon that thirst? The “Angels” Panty and Stocking are supposed to be killing ghosts to earn their way back to Heaven, but Panty’s more  focused on reaching her goal of sleeping with 1,000 Earth men (Stocking’s vices are more about gluttony than lust, but she also has a kinky side).

Panty’s insatiable nature and her powers prove connected to each other in the show’s final episodes. While some moments like the stripping “transformation scenes” are undoubtedly fanservice, Panty and Stocking is fairly unique among anime in that its sexual content is used much more for humor than titilation, and there’s a quasi-feminist sex positivity message buried within its crudeness.

2. THE ENTIRE CAST OF THE BOYS

The Boys Ennis

You couldn’t pick just one character from Garth Ennis’ The Boys to place on this list. The Boys is as provocative and perverse as superhero comics get, so over-the-top with its offensive content and harsh criticism of the entire superhero genre that Wildstorm stopped publishing it after just six issues (Dynamite Entertainment later stepped in to publish the rest of the series).

There’s Homelander, who’s like Superman if Superman were a violent sex criminal and a necrophiliac. There’s Tek-Knight, who will do it with everyone and everything because of a tumor in his brain. Even the freaking bulldog Terror has been trained to have sex on command by his master Billy Butcher, who’s extremely rough in bed himself and enjoys a dom/sub relationship with his handler. And this isn’t even mentioning the event in the series where the superheroes spend a hedonistic weekend away fulfilling every one of their base desires.

1. KYOSUKE SHIKIJO

Masked Pervert Kyosuke Shikijo

Kyosuke Shikijo is also known as the “Masked Pervert.” That’s the English translation of the title of his manga and live-action movie series. The Japanese title can’t even by typed on CBR because the Japanese word for “pervert” is also the name of a certain anime and manga genre that would offend some readers. To be clear, Masked Pervert is decidedly NOT that genre of manga (it was in Shonen Jump alongside Dragon Ball Z!), but its hero is certainly thirsty.

Kyosuke’s superpowers are given to him by wearing the underpants of his high school crush Aiko as a mask. Because his mother is an S&M worker, BS comic book science dictates this means that his DNA interacts with the “mask” in such a way that it enhances all of his physical abilities. This ridiculous premise lasted for six volumes of manga and two movies!

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