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The Pithiest Reviews Ever (Slightly Less Pithy Than Advertised)

by  in Comic News Comment
The Pithiest Reviews Ever (Slightly Less Pithy Than Advertised)

Paragraphs and complete sentences; these things are unnecessary when reviewing comics. All I need is sentence fragments and pop culture references. Okay, there will be footnotes for the slow members of the class.

Agents of Atlas #11- All right!

Amazing Spider-Man #605- MJ: Fuck Yeah!

Batman and Robin #4- Yup.

Beasts of Burden #1- Aww!*

Blackest Night #3- Meh.**

Brave and the Bold #27- Wow, this is good. Wait; why? Batman, stop! Don’t speak!

Citizen Rex #3- Dropped! Trade maybe.

Dead Space: Extraction– Yeah, okay.

MODOK: Reign Delay– Marry me!

Uncanny X-Men First Class #3- Blarrgh!***

Wedensday Comics #11- Eh. Later.****

*This may finally make me drop stupid ass Buffy, as its all the paranormal comics I need.

**I just… I don’t care! I’m trying! At least trying to try! But I was flipping through it and there’s bit where old Firestorm is menacing new Firestorm’s girlfriend or whatever and I’m thinking “Yeah, Geoff Johns, I get it. I’m not needed here. You’re doing okay without pandering to me. You could have just sent me an e-mail.”

***Involuntary response to Banshee speaking. Funny, it never bothered me in the Claremont stuff, but it’s been so long since I’ve read it that I don’t know if it’s Gray or me. I literally can not read this comic, and I liked the first two issues. Of course, I could read years worth of stories of cultural relativism involving Nightcrawler and the Inhumans.

****Sure did lose enthusiasm for that at the end. At this point, all I can be bothered to want to read are Kamandi, Adam Strange, and Supergirl. See, I find Hawkman so lame that not even Kyle Baker and a T Rex can hold my interest for long. Well, I’m also looking forward to how quickly I can skim Titans. That’s fun. But Batman? Superman? Flash? Green Lantern? Zangief? Chun Li? Blanka? Hot Rod? Superfly? Dirty Sanchez? All of these serials are just playing out the string. The sooner this ends, the sooner we get the theoretically commissioned and awesomer WC 2, with Jim Steranko’s Mr. Miracle, Bruce Timm’s OMAC, Frank Miller’s Orion, and Adam Warren’s Zatanna. I wish they’d go ahead and just get that one out. That’s gonna happen, right?

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