You're busy, we get it. Between your job, your family, and trying to avoid the monthly threats to the planet, it's not always easy to keep up on current events. Especially when it comes to this "Decimation" thing everyone's talking about. Sure, you might remember all those people disappearing, or seeing Captain America fight purple Homer Simpson on the news... But honestly, just what happened last April? And more importantly, how did it affect you? We at CBR know that your time is precious. You want simple, concrete answers as to whether you were tragically killed. So we put our best researchers on the case, and what they came up with was a brief, comprehensive list to tell whether or not you survived. So without further ado, it's our pleasure to present 10 easy ways to know if the Mad Titan ended your existence.
10. Were You The Key To Obtaining An Infinity Stone? You're Dead
Even before Thanos of Titan erased half the universe in the sassiest way possible, he didn't mind a little murder. Remember that hot Severus Snape-type that attacked NYC a while ago? Thanos killed him. Or what about that red Tin Man who talked like every fictional butler? Also murdered. Even Sonja Green bit the dust at the hand of Thanos, and it's all because they stood between Thanos and his cosmic bedazzling project. If, like them, you possessed an Infinity Stone, or even if your death was the key to getting one, we're sorry to say that you didn't make it through this one. Our condolences, we hope that your time owning the coolest Pet Rock® in the galaxy was worth it.
9. Were You An Original Avenger? You're Alive!
Good news, hero types! If you were one of the few people that defended New York City from aliens in 2012, you can count this one a win. You successfully lived past history's worst case of flaky skin, even though a lot of the friends you made since then probably didn't. But don't get too sad about that, rumor is that you'll have a chance to fix things in the spring of this year. Just... maybe don't expect to live through that one. You can only be in so many wild, epic adventures before you run out of luck. Or contract.
8. Are You In An Orange-Tinted Pond? You're Dead
Why is everything orange around me? Why am I all alone out here? Am I the child version of myself? If you've found yourself asking one or more of these questions recently, we've got bad news. You're deceased. So what's going on right now? Well, we're not totally sure of that. You might be in the "Soul Stone" (an Infinity Gem, not a jazz club like the name sounds), or you might just be in Thanos's imagination. Either way, things aren't all bad. Being the sole occupant of a possibly-unreal dreamworld means that you get a ton of space to yourself. And we imagine rent's got to be pretty cheap.
7. Are You In the Quantum Realm? You're Alive!
Lucky you to have taken a quick jaunt to the Quantum Realm just as the Snap was happening! That little trip just outside the edges of our reality saved you a whole lot of death and disintegration. Nice going! Now, as to how you're going to get out of there, well, we don't know what to tell you. Despite being a fun spot for a short stay (Ant-Man jokes!), the Quantum Realm is supposed to be pretty darn difficult to get out of. Let's hope you brought a high-tech pager to call someone to get you out. Otherwise, we don't know what to tell ya.
6. Were You Not Feeling So Good? You're Dead
Alright, try to remember how you felt when this Snap thing happened. Did you feel unwell in the stomach? Were you feeling dizzy, or weak in the knees? Did little bits of you start turning to ash, blowing away in an inexplicable wind and leaving your loved ones with a crumbling pile of hopelessness? Sorry, but that's a surefire sign of your death. This is especially tragic for those of you with just so many more stories to tell. Whether your adventures could have been cool magical thrillers, high-tech monarchy tales, or spider-themed crime fighting, you are never coming back. Never.
5. Are You Friends With T'Challa, But Not T'Challa? You're Alive!
Well, what do you know! Not only did you get to be pals with the coolest king on earth, but you also survived the Snap! Whether you were a trusted guard, a genius relative, or a formal rival turned ally, you'll live to fight for Wakanda another day. Just make sure that you aren't the king himself. Shockingly, he did not fare so well. Now, it's time for you to step up and do what you can to setthe world in order again. You might not make it out of that, but look on the bright side; there's a serious chance that the next time you go up against Thanos, you'll be doing so in a goshdarn Black Panther suit! And I mean, if you gotta go, that's a really cool way to do it. Wakanda forever! (Please don't die, Shuri.)
4. Did You Stop Going On Adventures With Your Friends? You're Dead
Does it ever feel like you aren't present in your friends lives anymore? It's almost like you're a secondary character, forgotten about as your friends go on to have wild, sequential adventures? Well, as if that's not already bad enough, it turns out there's a pretty good chance you're dead. Just look at Thor's old pal, Lady Sif. Or Bruce Banner's ex-girlfriend, Betsy Ross. Neither of them hung out with their old pals, and now they're dust. You could say the moral here is to spend time with your friends; you never know when something might separate you. Unless you're that idiot Howard, that is. He barely shows up anywhere but he probably survived.
3. Did You Quit The Avengers To Spend More Time With Your Family? You're Alive!
Good on you! After years of that whole "Avenger" thing, you decided it was time to retire. It was time to head to a remote location in the US and spend more time with your spouse and kids. And when that Snap thing came along, boy, I bet you weren't even scared. You just stopped chopping wood, went confidently back up to your house, and went to hug your fam- oh. Oh jeez.
Look, we're sorry about this one. You definitely survived, but... well, we can just stop there. Things might not have gone great for your loved ones, but look on the bright side. You got a cool new suit out of this. And a sword!
2. Are You A Street-Level NYC Hero? You're Definitely Dead
Oof, sorry about this one. With almost every case on this list, there's a small chance that a planet-moving tough-guy is coming to rewrite your death. That's not the case if you're a street-level vigilante living in New York, though. If that's the case, you are absolutely irreversibly 100-per-freaking-cent dead. Just defeated your wicked businessman arch-nemesis? Dead. Steal stuff to find out about your mom? Deceased. Got more people to punish? Not anymore. And if you're wondering why we're so certain that you're not coming back, well, Thanos wasn't the only one to kill you. No, he was helped by someone bigger and more powerful than he will ever be.
1. Are You An X-Man? You're...
We couldn't figure this one out. As Thanos was wiping out half of all life, the magic that controls your world suddenly and expensively merged with another, placing you in the same realm of heroes that Thanos was fighting. Finally. But now that you're here (welcome, by the way. Everyone's dead), we don't exactly know where you are. Are you yet to be born? Well, that would be weird, especially since one of you was supposed to father two Avengers. Are you in hiding somewhere? That would be kind of a jerk move, because we really could have used some mutant powers recently. Since none of these reasons make a lot of sense, we'll have to wait and see just why you've been so unknown to us until now. Whatever the reason, we're just happy that you're here. Evil doesn't stand a chance with you in this world.
Word of caution to the fast guy: things aren't great for you here.
Well, what did this list tell you? Did you survive the coming of the Mad Titan, or are you dead and somehow reading an article on Comic Book Resources? Whatever your answer, be sure to tell us in the comments section below!