In the often twisted and dark world of DC — which is one of the reasons we at CBR love it so — there are the more lighthearted Teen Titans. They stand out as a group that is more relatable to younger readers. The characters are adorable, and even the villains seem tame compared to the rest of the DCU. Led by the seemingly innocent yet incredibly badass Princess Starfire, they lead role model lives in their tower while trying to be normal teens. However, nothing could be further from the truth.
Watching or reading even just a few scenes from this franchise will make you realize there is far more to it than happy-go-lucky kids with powers training to save the world. From endless fart jokes, to ridiculous silly songs about the bathroom, to shots of cleavage and innuendos aplenty, as well as more absurd, gross and mind bending antics, this List about the Teen Titans will have you looking at them in a totally new light. We at CBR definitely are. Especially hot dogs. We will never see hot dogs the same again. Or Cyborg. Thanks, DC.
15. BEAST BOY SLEEPS NEKKID
During training with Raven, Garfield transforms back into his human self, only to realize he forgot to put his uniform on before leaving his room that morning. This, of course, begs the question: where do the clothes go when he morphs? Anyway, Raven goes on to say, “You know you’re naked, right?” to the stark green teen after a brief assessment. He looks down…”Huh?” and realizes he is indeed, wearing his birthday suit.
“GAGH!” he screams and tries to cover himself with his hands, running off to a corner where he grabs some clothes and starts dressing, hurriedly. “I overslept! I was rushing, I forgot to put on my uniform. Okay, so I sleep in the nude…so what? Animals are naked, and I’m the entire animal kingdom crammed into a single, magnificent specimen!” Considering how things worked out later, Raven must have liked what she saw!
14. TERRA AND DEATHSTROKE
In The Judas Contract, Tara Markov/Terra is introduced as a teen with the abilities to control elements comprised of earth (Get it? Earth = Terra?). More to the point, there are hints of a relationship beyond conspiring partners between Deathstroke and Terra. Okay, a LOT more than hints, but to be fair to Slade for once, this came down more on the rebellious teen’s side of things.
She pushed herself onto him, seeing him as the father figure she never had, and more. Deathstroke doesn’t push the idea or Terra too far away, though, so he can use it as a means to manipulate her to his will and the plans of Brother Blood. Regardless of what his motives are, seeing Slade embrace the teen is still almost as creepy as watching Juliette Lewis suck on De Niro’s thumb in the infamous Cape Fear theater scene.
13. RAVEN HAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER
It is pretty well known that Trigon is no father figure, or a family figure of any kind, really, considering he incinerated his mother upon birthing him. Plus, there are the horrific countless murders and other acts he’s gleefully participated in. There are multiple references and panels throughout the comics and animation that he was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to his daughter, Raven… and possibly even more than that.
With statements like, “I shall return when you have come into your womanhood” and, “We were meant to be together, forever!” from Trigon, it isn’t too hard to imagine what he implied when he said that. Disgusting doesn’t even come close to describing the way Trigon treats his lovers, mothers and children. And we at CBR thought our families were complicated!
12. STARFIRE’S NUMEROUS INNUENDOS
There is no shortage of inappropriate remarks made by Koriand’r of Tamarin. A favorite of CBR’s is from The Judas Contract, after Nightwing gets owned by Starfire training in front of the Titans. “You did very well! You lasted far longer this time,” she says as Terra giggled. Starfire looked at the blushing and curious Teens. “I meant in training of course. He’s very proficient when we have se…”
“Kori!!!” Nightwing cut her off before she could make it any more inappropriate. She just smiles, with all the innocence and naiveté of a child. He scratches his head awkwardly. Starfire moves on and calls the next pair to train before the group, as though they had simply been discussing what to have for dinner. Ahem, is it getting warm in here? Moving on…
11. OBSESSION WITH FART JOKES
This seems to be a more recent phenomenon, although Titans titles have consistently been rife with fart and bathroom references throughout their existence. The most blatant displays of this are in the Teen Titans Go!, where Beast Boy includes a verse in his song for Raven, “All About Rae,” about not knowing what to do when she has to “use the loo.”
Even worse, in The Teen Titans Toot! song, DC seems to acknowledge the absurdity as they break the 4th Wall by having the villain the Titans are tooting against exclaim as they prepare to fire away, “No No NO! This is SO low-brow!” We scream it too, but the show goes on anyway. Sigh… somebody please bring back the other Teen Titans cartoons!
10. EARLY ISSUE COVER
Maybe it’s just the twisted mind of CBR, or maybe we’re actually looking at blatant insinuations here. Knowing DC’s tendencies towards kink (Wonder Woman, hello?), we’re going with the latter. Here, we see The New Teen Titans boldly displayed in one of their earliest portrayals as a DC team-up, with three panels under the title.
The one to the far left features multiple forms of attempted bondage occurring between Wonder Girl and her female foe. The middle shows three scantily clad boys, two with “booms” coming out of their behinds, and the third shows a Kid Flash chasing down his foe as he rides away on a motorcycle, throwing apparently flirty glances over his shoulder. What the hell is going on here? Did no one look at this “Showcase” #59 cover and think, “Hey, wait a minute…” Apparently not.
9. BROTHER BLOOD TRIED TO MARRY RAVEN
Pretty much everything about the sadistic cult leader known as Brother Blood is downright disgusting. One act of his that stands out as exceptionally gross is when he thought it was his destiny to fulfill some wild prophecy of Trigon, Raven’s father. In it, he attempted to force Raven to marry him.
Not only is Blood a foul character that no one’s father should ever try to arrange as a suitor for his daughter, he is literally hundreds of years older than she is! That would be like getting married to your Great-great-great-great-great-Grandfather! Not only that, it would be to someone who killed his father, to take his place as leader of a Church dedicated to worshiping the equivalent of Satan. You know, typical, Grandpa stuff. The exact kinda guy you’d want your daughter to marry, right?
8. IS THAT A PARASITE IN YOUR PANTS…
Not only does Jaime Reyes (aka, Blue Beetle) have typical teen issues, he also has a parasite fused to his spine with a mind of its own. One memorable scene shows what happens when these two aspects of Jaime’s life encounter each other. A girl he is crushing on affectionately grasps his hand. The parasite gets nervous and chirps at Jaime’s change in body chemistry, and he has to dash off to a back room to keep the bug from transforming him into Blue Beetle.
As Jaime struggles with the parasite, the door opens, and his crush peeks in to make sure he’s okay. All we see in the last shot of this terribly embarrassing scene is Jaime from the back, with one hand on the front of his pants. Presumably to keep the parasite at bay. He gives an apologetic smile, and a big thumbs up. Talk about awkward work relationships!
7. DAMIAN ALMOST BECAME A 2ND TWO- FACE
In The Judas Contract, there is an incident between the newly arrived and very impudent Damian Wayne and Blue Beetle in the Teen Titans training room. After mouthing off to Jaime, the parasite took absolute control of him and let loose the full force of Blue Beetle’s canons. Damian took a direct blast to the face, leaving him burned and disfigured on the left side.
This, of course, is eerily similar to Harvey Dent, when he was transfigured into the villain we’ve come to know as Two-Face. “This is gonna be an awkward call to Batman,” remarked Beast Boy. If it wasn’t for the empathic and healing powers of Raven, Damian may well have carried those similar scars. Thankfully, she was there to heal The Son of Batman, and avoid that “awkward phone call.”
6. WHERE DOES ALL THAT FOOD GO?
This is a question Batman asked Cyborg in The Justice League vs. Teen Titans, and also one that CBR has researched quite thoroughly. Despite all our digging, we cannot find a unified answer to this query. It is no secret that Cy loves to eat. In many scenes, if he isn’t fighting, he is usually shown snacking on something, especially pizza. But, where does all that food go, if he lacks a digestive system?
Some sources state that he uses it for fuel sources, some as recycled waste, while others even claim he has a colostomy bag. For now, it remains a generalized mystery. This is what is referred to by writers as a “Noodle Incident.” Pondering this question certainly has CBR’s noodle twisted over the disgusting possibilities!
5. CYBORG “STIMULATES” COMPUTERS
Cyborg has a myriad of skills and weapons at his disposal. From using his strength for massive feats such as constructing the Titans Tower, to sonic blasts shot from his arm cannon, Cy is certainly one to have by your side. He is also respected for his vast knowledge of robotics and technology. Being part man, part machine, this makes sense.
This is a point which is literally driven home when he “communicates” with a supercomputer through the use of an extension out of his hand. Said extension looks suspiciously like a very long, probing, middle finger. We get a brief glimpse of Cyborg inserting this “probe” into a port in the computer before pulling up the information required. Umm, what does that feel like? A warm, electronic, apple pie?
4. STARFIRE AND NIGHTWING SKYPE
While toweling off and brushing her hair after a bath, we catch glimpses of Nightwing’s view of a video conversation he is having with Starfire. Cleavage, legs and more cleavage fill the frame as she moves about restlessly, talking to him about her issues managing the Titans, particularly with the new Robin. There may have been more to this conversation, had Kori and Dick been on the same page when he suggested they try having a bit of “fun” while video chatting.
But Starfire, thinking like the innocent again, thinks of how some “fun” could help bond the Titans and bring Damian out of his League of Assassins shell. She quickly hangs up on a disappointed and protesting Nightwing to proceed with her newly found plans. We’d feel the same way. Sorry, Dick, maybe next time.
3. BEAST BOY LICKS HIMSELF
It’s a lot of fun to see Garfield live out his more base instincts. Whether stealing monkey kisses, wrapping his crushes up as a snake, or buzzing about as a fly, Gar seems to never tire of transforming and teasing his teammates, and this example of such behavior is no exception. From the classic comics, to Teen Titans Go!, “The Changeling” has also been known… to lick himself.
It’s mentioned during a trip to the fair in The Justice League vs Teen Titans, in which Starfire hopes the team will “have the opportunity to get to know each other.” “How much more personal can we get? We’ve already seen Garfield lick himself,” Jaime replied. “As a dog??” Asked Damian. “I wish!” Raven exclaimed. This image was left to the imagination until Teen Titans Go! so eloquently brought it to life for us. Definitely one we could have done without.
2. THE SEPARATED MAN
The concept behind this classic villain had some potential, but seeing it drawn and laid out in a storyboard is another thing altogether. In this early issue of The New Teen Titans comics, the newly formed group face “The Amazing Separated Man” — a mad scientist who injects himself with a venom that allows his body parts to be in different places at the same time.
Not only does that concept leave much to the imagination, it also looks super disgusting on paper. The skin of the character is bulbous and seems as though it will explode with blood or pus any second. Then there’s the panel with the eyeballs floating by themselves, dripping fire. It doesn’t get much better than this, folks. At least they chose not to show us the rest of The Separated Man’s body parts!
1. BEAST BOY IS A MEAT EATING VEGETARIAN?
Since Gar is comprised of the entire animal kingdom, he states he is a vegetarian. Often, especially in Teen Titans Go!, he discusses eating imitation meat products in place of real meat. But there seem to be contradictions in Beast Boy’s claims. He is obsessed with pizza, and when it is delivered, it seems to come from a standard pizza place, not a specialty one catering to vegetarian meats as topping offers.
That, and the entire group digs in upon delivery, and other Titans, especially Raven, disdain the soy and other veggie meat based items Beast prefers. One would think that Beast would get his own pizza if it was fake pepperoni on top. But that is never the case. Then there was that time he turned into a pig and ate a bunch of hot dogs. That means he was eating himself! Hilarious… and haunting.
Know any other disturbing Teen Titans facts? Let us know in the comments!
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