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Bizarre Wars: The 15 Strangest Vintage Star Wars Toys

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Bizarre Wars: The 15 Strangest Vintage Star Wars Toys

Star Wars is a media juggernaut. The long-running film franchise has grossed billions at the box office, with video games, books, comics and tie-ins aplenty ranking in millions of dollars every year. Since debuting all the way back in 1977, Star Wars has ushered in a steady stream of toys, allowing fans the world over to take home figures of beloved characters such as Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Kylo Ren. The Star Wars toy line is valued at millions of dollars, and shows no signs of slowing down. But this doesn’t mean that every toy released baring the Star Wars name is great; in fact, the Star Wars toy line has seen plenty of bizarre, out there, and just plain strange toys over the years.

RELATED: The 15 Most Expensive Batman Toys You Wish You Owned

From toys of ultra obscure background characters (Wiosela? Prune Face? Really?), to poorly thought-out accessories, the Star Wars toy line has seen it all. For every Luke and Han action figure, fans have to contend with strange figures that even the most hardcore Star Wars fanboy would be hard pressed to care about. With so many strange Star Wars toys over the years, CBR has combed through the action figures, the dolls, the carrying cases, and everything in between to bring you the worst of the worst from yesteryear!


Yoda Eight Ball

Yoda is renowned throughout the Star Wars universe for his wisdom and insight. The diminutive Jedi is always happy to dole out teachings, serving as a continuing voice of reason within the Jedi Council. Which obviously makes him perfect for a tie in Eight Ball toy.

Released to coincide with the debut of The Empire Strikes Back, the Yoda Eight Ball worked just like your standard Eight Ball, with a slight twist: once Yoda was shaken up, he could be turned upside to receive your answer. Yes, you had to peer up Yoda’s robes to get your question answered. Listen, we could debate the long term effects of teaching children that wisdom can be gained from looking up the clothes of little people, but let’s just agree that this is one weird toy.


Star Wars Incontinent Wampa

When a toy is messed up in production, and that toy manages to make its way out into the wild, collectors practically trip over themselves in the ensuing scramble to snag one of these ultra-limited toys. Which brings us to the strange tale of the “Incontinent” Wampa and Luke Set.

Released in 1997, the Wampa and Luke set packaged our plucky hero with the alien yeti that almost had him for lunch on Hoth. While the Wampa seen in The Empire Strikes Back rocked an all white coat of fur, Hasbro decided to liven the monster up for the pack, peppering some yellow spots throughout the figure’s fur. Problem is, a production error caused some Wampas to receive far too much yellow, making the creature look like he left his Depends at home. Collectors went gaga over the figure, and the “Incontinent” Wampa set now fetches north of $300, making this one very collectible, very strange Star Wars toy.


YarnaStar Wars Yarna D'al' Gargan

We’re a big fan of the old saying “different strokes for different horrifying space slug creatures.” So we get it that Jabba the Hutt would want to fill his throne room with ladies of all types. So if the slimy crime lord wants a buxom six-breasted woman dancing around him, that is entirely his business. We don’t judge. But making a toy of this six-breasted woman? That’s something we can judge.

The palace dancer known as Yarna D’al’ Gargan made a brief appearance Return Of The Jedi, catching viewers attentions with her less-than-stellar dance moves and her, uh, six defining features. While a pleasure slave doesn’t seem the obvious choice for a toy, Kenner brought the oddball background character to toy shelves around the globe in 2008. Yarna’s toy may have excited hardcore Star Wars collectors, but for the rest of us, this strange toy just left us scratching our heads.


Star Wars Blaster Carrying Case

Ah, 1983. A simpler time. The Police ruled the airwaves, the finale of M.A.S.H. was watched by 125 million people, and Return Of The Jedi hit the silver screen. To coincide with the release of this massive movie, a wave of toys hit the shelves, including this, at the time, totally innocuous carrying case. Of course, we can’t help back look back and think about how strange the Laser Rifle Carrying Case was.

Allowing kids to lug around their precious Star Wars figures in a case resembling the laser rifles utilized in the film, parents likely didn’t even bat an eye at this little accessory. But as the case featured no markings differentiating the case from a real rifle, the Laser Rifle Carrying Case would have drawn moral outrage in this day and age. A Star Wars toy that could be used to stick up a gas station? Now that’s one strange toy.


Star Wars Tauntaun With Open Belly Rescue

Every Star Wars fan remembers the iconic scene in Empire Strikes Back in which Luke is forced to cut open the belly of a Tauntaun to avoid freezing to death. But we would wager there aren’t too many Star Wars fans clamoring to recreate this scene with their toys. Kenner clearly felt differently, as the toy company released an accessory that allowed kids the world over to stuff their favorite figures into the entrails of an animal.

Released to coincide with the debut of Empire Strikes Back, the Tauntaun With Open Belly Rescue was a plastic Tauntaun that could be mounted by any standard Star Wars figurine. Once you were done pretending to explore the frozen tundra on the back of your loyal creature, the Tauntaun could be turned on its side so that figures could be stuffed inside it. Unfortunately, steaming Tauntaun entrails were not included. But still, this is one weird Star Wars toy.


Star Wars Jar Jar Binks Candy Tongue

Listen, we could spend this entire list ranting and raving about Jar Jar Binks. But we’ll keep it brief: Jar Jar Binks is just the worst. Despise among fans and disavowed by the franchise, Jar Jar Binks remains one of the worst things to happen to Star Wars. But at least this awful character gave the world one of the strangest Star Wars toys of all time: the Jay Jar Binks Candy Tongue.

Housed in a plastic version of the Gungan’s head, a button could be pressed that would cause Jar Jar to stick his tongue out. Fans could then chow down on the tasty candy tongue, only for the crushing realization that they are essentially making out with Jar Jar Binks to set in after a couple seconds. If you wanna play tonsil hockey with Jar Jar, that’s your business, but having a toy that allows kids to get to second base with a Gungan? That is definitely the strangest Star Wars toy of all time.


Star Wars Star Tours Officer

You may remember Star Tours as one of the more exciting rides at the not-particularly-exciting Epcot. Despite being housed in the redheaded stepchild of the Disney parks, the Star Tours ride has garnered a cult following among theme park enthusiasts. Still, even with its popularity among the Disney crowd, we’re shocked that Hasbro gave the nameless park employee manning the ride a figure of his own.

Released exclusively at Disney parks in 2002, the Star Tours Officer gave diehard fans a plastic version of the orange-and-blue clad attendants that manned the ride. Unfortunately, the underpaid teenager made to work the gift shop adjacent to the ride never got the toy treatment. Even for a franchise known for turning every obscure character into a toy, this is a particularly strange Star Wars toy.


Star Wars Lucas Collector's Set

Everyone knows George Lucas! The man gave the world one of the most beloved sci-fi franchises of all time! Despite his many missteps, fan love for George Lucas runs deep. But what about his family? Well, turns out ol’ George is the father of three lovely children. And of course they have toys.

The Lucas Collector’s Set collects all four members of the Lucas clan into a handy collectors case, allowing fans the world over to play with plastic versions of the Lucas’ as they appeared in blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameos in Revenge Of The Sith. For fans eager to act out their Han Solo x Katie Lucas fan fiction, this collection might have some appeal, but for everyone else, this collector’s set is just plain strange.


Star Wars Early Bird Certificate Package

When A New Hope hit theaters in 1977, 20th Century Fox wasn’t prepared for the movie to become an overnight sensation. With the film setting box office records and demand for merchandise high, 20th Century Fox realized it didn’t have a toy line ready to release to tie-in with the movie. So the studio, working with toy company Kenner, devised a truly ridiculous stopgap for fans hungry for Star Wars toys: a glorified I.O.U.

The Star Wars Early Bird Certificate Package was an empty box emblazoned with various Star Wars characters which promised the recipient that they would be receiving Star Wars toys when they released in a couple months. Despite essentially being a slab of cardboard made to house figures months away from releasing, the Early Certificate Package sold out nearly everywhere it was released. The Early Bird Certificate Package remains highly sought-after among collectors, despite still just being an empty box. This is hands down one strange Star Wars “toy.”


Star Wars Sio Bibble

The Star Wars universe is filled to bursting with interesting characters, from bloodthirsty bounty hunters, to hot shot pilots, to fearless heroes. So it makes sense that these characters would be made into toys. But the politicians that appear in Star Wars? Not the first choice for the toy treatment. Kids aren’t exactly clamoring for toys that would allow them to debate intergalactic trade and fuss over taxes. But this didn’t stop Lucasarts from giving Governor Sio Bibble a toy!

Sio Bibble appeared in Episodes 1 through 3 as the Governor of Naboo, leaving viewers breathless as he enforced trade blockades and delivered speeches about the power of democracy. Looking like a bootleg Santa Claus, we can’t imagine Bibble topped many “must have” lists when his toy was released in 2000. Maybe the Bibble figure appealed to the more hardcore Star Wars collectors, but to everyone else, this was just one weird toy.


Star Wars Willrow Hood

Oftentimes, it is the little guy that wins a war. Sure, Luke and company may be the faces of the Rebellion, but there are plenty of men and women that work tirelessly to keep the Rebellion running. These men and women can fix X-Wings, help in the command post, or, as is the case with Willrow Hood, just kinda run around with an ice cream maker.

This blink-and-you’ll-miss him background character received the toy treatment back in 2009, which brought the fan favorite jumpsuit clad nobody into the world of plastic. Appearing in the background in Cloud City during Empire Strikes Back, Hood gained infamy among fans for the sheer fact that he was carrying around what appeared to be an ice cream making machine. As this is Star Wars, Hood’s backstory was later fleshed out, but this ultra obscure character makes for one weird toy.


Star Wars Elan Sleazebaggano

Star Wars fans tend to bag on Savage Opress for having the most ridiculous bad guy name in the Star Wars universe, but we believe that Elan Sleazebaggano should take the gold medal in that particular category. This death stick-slinging sleazebag (get it?) tried to peddle his wares to Obi-Wan in a seedy nightclub in Attack Of The Clones, only for the Jedi to use a mind trick to convince Sleazebaggano to shove off and reevaluate his life.

We can’t imagine kids were clamoring for a toy version of an intergalactic drug dealer that appeared in a movie for like thirty seconds, but Sleazebaggano received a toy in 2003, forever cementing his place on the list of the strangest Star Wars toys of all time.


Star Wars Camie Marstrap and Laze Loneozner

Hey, it’s Camie Marstrap and Laze “Fixer” Loneozner! Who can forget everyone’s favorite characters, Camie Marstrap and Laze “Fixer” Loneozner? What’s that? You don’t remember Camie Marstrap and Laze “Fixer” Loneozner? Well, that’s because the one scene featuring them was totally dropped from A New Hope. But that didn’t stop the pair from getting the toy treatment!

Originally, Camie and Laze appeared as friends of Luke in a brief scene in A New Hope, but the scene was cut for pacing. And that’s the end of Camie and Laze. The characters receive a brief mention in a Star Wars book, but otherwise never appeared in the Star Wars universe again. Despite this, the characters were released as figures in 2010. Even the most hardcore Star Wars fan would be hard pressed to care about Camie Marstrap and Laze “Fixer” Loneozner, making these figures very strange indeed.


Star Wars Prune Face

Star Wars fans are serious when it comes to series lore. There are fans that can rattle off the family tree of Chewbacca as easily as breathing. Thus, they hold the toys tied into their beloved franchise to a high standard, expecting these little figures to adhere to the story established within the series. So when a little, eye-patch clad alien appeared in the background during Return Of The Jedi, fans expected to learn the characters name when his toy hit shelves. What they got instead was “Prune Face.”

This wrinkly faced alien was later be christened “Orrimaarko,” but in 1984, Lucasarts couldn’t be bothered to name this glorified extra. As a result, when the character was given the toy treatment, he was dubbed “Prune Face.” We guess “Testicle Headed Guy With Eye-patch” just didn’t market test well. In any event, Pruneface wasn’t exactly a name that clicked with consumers, and Prune Face has gone down in Star Wars history for his silly name and equally silly figure.


Star Wars Wiosela

Listen, not everyone can live the life of a swashbuckling hero or ace pilot in the Star Wars universe. Some of the beings that inhabit the various planets of Star Wars are just trying to get by. Case in point: Wiosela, the alien used car dealer.

When Luke is scraping together the credits to catch a ride on the Millennium Falcon, he opts to sell his beloved landspeeder. Thankfully, Wiosela is happy to negotiate taking the speeder off Luke’s hands, eventually giving him sixteen hundred credits for the vehicle. As this is Star Wars, and no useless background character can just be left alone, Wiosela would later reappear in a Star Wars book, selling a landspeeder to a character. Looking like Jeff Goldblum’s The Fly swaddled in Jedi robes, we suppose the character is visually interesting, but intergalactic used car salesman isn’t the most exciting occupation in Star Wars, making Wiosela an odd choice for a toy.

Can you think of any other weird Star Wars toys? Let us know in the comments!

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