Let’s face it: it’s hard being a stormtrooper. Not only are you constantly in the line of fire and being mowed down by lightsaber-wielding Jedi, but you’re also the butt of one of the oldest jokes in Star Wars history. To be a stormtrooper is to endure much ridicule. In fact, they MUST have a class at the Imperial Academy devoted to dealing with the psychological toll of never being taken seriously. Why anyone would ever want to try out for the Empire’s most basic infantry unit is something we’ll never understand.
Perhaps a career with the Empire helps you pay for school? Or maybe they lure you in with the promise of traveling (and maybe even blowing up) many distant worlds in the Outer Rim. Whatever the case, it’s no fun once you’re in the white armor, which seems to be made of something closer to plastic than anything else. Seriously, what’s the point of wearing all that (admittedly stylish) armor if you’re just going to die as soon as you get hit anyway? It’s really no wonder that stormtroopers are so often parodied on the internet. CBR has picked the very best jokes about stormtroopers, and hey are definitely the ones you’re looking for!
15. THAT’LL BE THE DAY
Let’s start with their aim. Stormtroopers can’t seem to hit anything ever. No matter whether their target is standing still or running in a straight line, these soldiers are incapable of hitting the mark. Do they not have a shooting range at the Imperial Academy? And if they do, are all the instructors blind? These are questions we need to ask ourselves because there has to be some sort of explanation for this disaster.
The Rebels won the Galactic Civil War for a very simple reason: they could shoot down their enemies. Inferior tech and weapons, exponentially less firepower overall and way less men are no problem when the bad guys are allergic to shooting in a straight line. Perhaps we should be thanking the stormtroopers for helping free the galaxy?
14. HENRY THE DEWBACK
If you were born in the ’90s, you’ve probably never seen the original dewback, a large animatronic creature that mostly stood still in the sands of Tatooine (Tunisia in real life). While George Lucas couldn’t get this giant desert reptile to do much in the theatrical version of A New Hope, he went back and upgraded the dewback in the Special Edition re-release. Using revolutionary CGI, he made the dewback look even less real than what your parents saw on the big screen.
The meme above imagines a stormtrooper getting a little too close to his dewback. You have to imagine that wearing all that armor in that heat (Tatooine has TWO suns) might make someone feel a little loopy. For this particular stormtrooper, he’s having delusions about “Henry.”
13. TROOPIN’ AIN’T EASY
For stormtroopers on the Death Star, there really wasn’t much to do for a while… at least not until the Millennium Falcon got caught in the giant space station’s tractor beam. That’s when all hell broke loose. Luke and Han rescued Princess Leia while taking down a whole bunch of stormtroopers in the process. This is not to mention that whole “Darth Vader killed some old dude in the hangar bay” fiasco. Things were exciting for once.
But before that? You can imagine a lot of standing around, lining up and saluting Darth Vader, Grand Moff Tarkin and the Emperor. If you were stationed at the Death Star, there was probably a point when you started to realize that the job wouldn’t be all that exciting after all.
12. THIS TROOPER REGRETS SOME THINGS
Imagine showing up to work the day after Luke, Ben Kenobi and the droids you were looking for escaped Mos Eisley on the Millennium Falcon. That must’ve been an awkward conversation with your superior officer. How do you explain that you were put under a Jedi mind trick when you’re not even sure that’s what happened in the first place. It’s undoubtedly going to be a rough day back at the office for you.
You would think that the Empire would train its soldiers to resist a Jedi mind trick — or at least spot it coming from a mile away. While the First Order at least took precautions when it came to facing someone with a lightsaber on the battlefield, the Empire failed to train stormtroopers for possible Jedi encounters at all.
One of the best things about stormtroopers is the myriad ways fans have paid tribute to these clumsy soldiers over the years. There’s fan fiction, a ton of erotica and even more cosplay featuring the Empire’s bravest. Cosplay especially offers fans many different ways to recreate the stormtrooper look. Sure, there’s your basic armor or the plethora of other armor types depending on the kind of trooper you’re trying to emulate, but some cosplayers get even more creative with it, delivering some truly stunning takes.
Above is a look you might see at your local nerd convention: a decked-out stormtrooper: no armor, just a really great suit. You really don’t get fresher than the “Swagtrooper.” Why don’t all stormtroopers wear suits? It’s not like their armor is protecting them much anyway.
10. STORMTROOPERS GET A BAD RAP
While we’ve all been making fun of stormtroopers, perhaps we’ve missed the whole point. What if they’re missing on purpose? Instructed to only fire warning shots at the Rebel scum, the stormtroopers’ laser bolts go far left and far right in an attempt at making their targets surrender. After all, Darth Vader did order the stormtroopers to capture the Rebels with the Death Star plans alive in one of the very first scenes in Star Wars history.
Yes, if you like revisionist history, that explanation is totally for you. The rest of us will just be pointing fingers at the clumsy stormtroopers and laughing at how much they suck. But seriously, we love stormtroopers. Even if they’re the most useless soldiers in all the galaxy.
9. STORMTROOPER PICK UP LINE
For a long time, fans argued about whether there were female stormtroopers. And if so, were stormtroopers allowed to date each other or was there a strict “No Touching Below the Armor” rule at the garrison? Either way, we know the First Order has female troopers. Just look at Captain Phasma. She’s not playing around and has an on-again-off-again kinda thing going on with Finn, who’d rather ditch her for the Resistance than hang. “Kill unarmed villagers and chill” just doesn’t sound all that appealing.
The Imperial Academy doesn’t sound too romantic of a place to fall in love. The Death Star less so. Maybe if you’re touring on Tatooine? There’s not much else to do when you’re not riding dewbacks or completely missing the fact that those are the droids you’re looking for…
8. HIP HOP TROOPER
Hip Hop Trooper is one of the most popular fan celebrities in the Star Wars community. He’s a staple of every major con involving Star Wars and you can spot him from a mile away. His boom box plays dope beats and his moves are tight. Best of all, he’s clad in an (unofficial) Adidas-branded stormtrooper armor that separates him from his clumsy comrades. It’s no wonder the other stormtroopers are jealous.
This hip stormtrooper is so famous within the franchise’s fandom that he even has his own action figure. He even claimed to Den of Geek that the Hip Hop Trooper toy is often sold for more than a Darth Vader figure on eBay. If true, that’s a pretty big deal, and all the more reason for the other stormtroopers to envy.
7. BAD FIRST DAY
People have wondered for years about the identity of the stormtrooper who bumped his head on the door during Luke and Leia’s daring escape from the Death Star. Who could this stormtrooper be and what happened to him after he hit his head on the blast door? Well, for our patience we were rewarded. In 2016, Del Rey released the short story collection From a Certain Point of View, which shed light on the life of this stormtrooper.
His name is Wanten, codename TD-110. In a crazy coincidence (orchestrated to hilarious effect by a group of three writers), Wanten was also the stormtrooper who let Luke and Obi-Wan enter Mos Eisley with C-3PO and R2-D2, despite the fact that they were the droids he was looking for!
6. FAMOUS LAST WORDS
Maybe the problem with being a stormtrooper is that you can’t see too well while wearing that huge helmet. Sure, it’s a cool looking lid, but it doesn’t leave much room for peripheral vision, which is why the Rebels can sneak up on these soldiers so easily. How many times do Han, Luke and/or Leia ambush stormtroopers in the Original Trilogy? Quite a few.
It’s become a running joke (as most things involving stormtroopers do) that these soldiers wouldn’t be able to detect a giant rancor making its way down a Death Star hallway if it was stomping right behind them. It really makes an already embarrassing gig even worse. Someone needs to tell the Empire and the First Order that it’s time to rethink that armor.
5. WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE
Scout troopers can be found on the forest moon of Endor in Return of the Jedi. They’re the soldiers in charge of patrolling the woods surrounding the shield generator that’s protecting the second Death Star. It’s a pretty important assignment, which is why they’re so efficient and hard to take down. Just kidding. These troopers are easily brought down by trees.
One of the most exciting scenes in Episode VI is the bike chase through the Endor woods, as Luke and Leia try to take down a group of scout troopers before they can warn the Imperial base that the Rebels have arrived. But the heroic twins don’t have to do all that much to stop the troopers. The giant trees do most of the work.
4. THE FAST AND THE VERY SAFE
Imagine rolling up to the hottest club in Coruscant in your brand new Dodge Stormtrooper Charger. That shiny white paint job, the sleek design and the roar of the engine like a surprised stormtrooper about to be knocked out by a Rebel. Never has there been a machine that better represents the innovative look and efficiency of the Empire’s frontlines. Of course, we’re just trying to sell you a car. We’ll say anything.
These Dodge Chargers were deployed in NYC to promote Star Wars: The Force Awakens in a partnership with Uber in 2015. By using a special promotional code, customers could ride a stormtrooper car for free around the city. We have to admit that this is a pretty creative way to get people excited about a movie.
Deadpool was one of the surprise hits of 2016, arriving only months after The Force Awakens re-lit the spark of the Star Wars franchise on the big screen. It’s a fantastic movie that tells a superhero story unlike any other. But can Deadpool really be called a “superhero?” He’s more of a cold-blooded killer with a messed up sense of humor. Still, we love him. And wouldn’t it be fun if he ever crossed paths with a group of stormtroopers?
We’d love to see the Merc with a Mouth seeking his way into an Imperial garrison and pretending to be a stormtrooper. Actually, this crossover can actually happen now that Disney owns both 21st Century Fox and Lucasfilm. (This will never happen, but we can dream.) Who do we have to call to make this happen?
2. HELLOOOOO, DROIDS
These stormtroopers got lucky and found those pesky droids. In all seriousness, it cannot be overstated how close Luke came to having his adventure cut short by the dopey stormtroopers who were checking for suspicious droids in Mos Eisley. Had Ben Kenobi not pulled the clever Jedi mind trick, Luke would have probably spent the rest of his days in a cell. C-3PO and R2-D2 would have certainly been disintegrated as soon as Darth Vader acquired the Death Star plans.
That’s fortunately not what happened. You can always count on a stormtrooper to be too dumb to get the job done. The weak-minded troopers found on Tatooine wouldn’t even make good bouncers at a Mos Eisley cantina. To think the Star Wars saga could have ended so quickly had the stormtroopers received better training.
1. E FOR EFFORT
What does a stormtrooper do after another disappointing day at the office? After he’s been bested by an Ewok, fooled by an old man, crashed into a tree or simply stood in a hangar all day, how does a stormtrooper let loose for a bit? The best option is probably the bar. As we’ve already discussed, a stormtrooper’s life is very hard. He could certainly use a few shots after the day he’s had.
Perhaps he’ll even smoke a death stick to really relax. We’re not encouraging drinking or smoking to deal with your troubles, but we can certainly understand why a stormtrooper would need a few vices just to get him through the day. After all, he’s just going to have to go through all of the humiliation again tomorrow…
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