In every installment of I Love Ya But You’re Strange I spotlight strange but ultimately endearing comic stories. Feel free to e-mail me at brianc@cbr.com if you have a suggestion for a future installment!
Today, we look at a delightfully bizarre What If...? comic book where Spider-Man and J. Jonah Jameson ended up as superhero partners!
The issue was What If...? #82 by William Messner-Loebs, Anthony Williams and Andy Lanning.
The issue opens with that fateful mission to the stars by John Jameson from Amazing Spider-Man #1. Only this time around, the Chameleon's sabotage of the take-off actually succeeds and it succeeds in horrific fashion, with the capsule plummeting back to Earth where it kills both John Jameson and a bunch of bystanders there to watch the launch, including Peter Parker's beloved Aunt May!
A grieving J. Jonah Jameson decided to adopt the now-orphaned Peter Parker, and Jameson quickly gives him all sorts of nice things and pays for him to go to a fancy school but Peter realizes that Jameson has convinced himself that Spider-Man was responsible for the death of John. Peter had actually quit being Spider-Man, but he realized that Jameson actually NEEDED Spider-Man in his life to give him something to CARE about as he was otherwise devolving into a mess of depression.
So Peter (by this point, Peter had been given his own small newspaper by Jameson) decides to become Spider-Man again. Jameson hires Flash Thompson to become Peter's bodyguard and Jameson begins developing the various anti-Spider-Man methods that he did in the original comics, like the Spider-Slayer...
In a really clever bit by Loebs, Peter decides to start promoting Spider-Man in his newspaper (as always, Peter continues to be an unehtical journalist) and Jameson rips Spider-Man in the Daily Bugle (amusingly, Jameson isn't mad at Peter over this as he sees it as just Peter trying to sell papers)...
However, when Jameson offers a million dollar to the person who could uncover Spider-Man's secret identity, things took a turn...
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Flash Thompson takes a super-strength serum because he is afraid that Jameson will give it someone who might hurt Spider-Man. However, it drives Thompson insane and he takes the Scorpion suit that Jameson had developed as part of his anti-Spider-Man crusade and starts running amok in the city. At the same time, all of Spidey's villains are trying to collect the million dollar bounty.
An enraged Peter reveals his secret identity to Jameson...
When Jameson sees Spider-Man struggling with all of the villains trying to kill him, Jameson decides to use the Spider-Slayer to SAVE Spider-Man!
Father and son reunite and they decide to become superheroes TOGETHER!
How delightfully weird is that?
I love this comic so much. I forgot to mention that there is also a bit where Peter makes sure Frederick Foswell gets a raise, so he never becomes a villain. Clever.
If anyone else has a suggestion for a future I Love Ya But You're Strange, drop me a line at brianc@cbr.com!