In Drawing Crazy Patterns, I spotlight at least five scenes/moments from within comic book stories that fit under a specific theme (basically, stuff that happens frequently in comics). Note that these lists are inherently not exhaustive. They are a list of five examples (occasionally I'll be nice and toss in a sixth). So no instance is "missing" if it is not listed. It's just not one of the five examples that I chose.

The other day, I was joking about a bizarre page from an Amazing Spider-Man issue where Mary Jane appears to be smoking a cigarette in the...pocket of her dress? That made my pal (the fine comic book artist) Bill Walko make a joke about how soap opera careers never work out for comic book characters and I realized that he was right, there was a number of character who just inexplicably became soap opera actresses in comics. I'm not talking character who were introduced AS actresses, I mean characters who did other jobs and suddenly they just became soap opera actresses. So here we go!

KAREN PAGE

After she discovered Daredevil's secret identity, Karen Page was prepared to marry him, but she wanted Matt Murdock to quit as Daredevil. Once it became clear that that was not going to happen, she decided to leave New York period and go to stay with a friend in Los Angeles.

Like all legal secretaries, we see in Daredevil #65 (by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan and Syd Shores) she quickly got a job as a soap opera actress on the soap opera her friend worked on...

Karen would continue as an actress for a number of years, before getting into...ahem...adult films as she grew addicted to drugs. She then sold Matt's secret identity for drugs, but luckily, Matt forgave her and helped her get clean and they got back together. Then she was murdered because she is, you know, a love interest for a superhero and their default state is murdered.

LINDA "SUPERGIRL" DANVERS

Linda Danvers was working in Florida as a school counselor at an experimental school when her boss kept giving her grief and she just went off on him in Superman Family #208 (by Jack C. Harris, Win Mortimer and Vince Colletta) and a talent scout happened to hear her shouting and thought she should be a soap opera actress.

He sent her tape in and as is very common for school counselors who try to be actresses, her try-out tape was good enough for her to be hired for a soap opera on the spot.

She moved to New York City and signed a contract for Secret Hearts (okay, that name is legitimately very clever). Supergirl was also able to get a three-bedroom apartment in Manhattan for $1000.

MARY JANE WATSON

Mary Jane Watson is the most realistic of the bunch. She was a model who has having trouble booking gigs, so she tried out for a part on a soap opera in Amazing Spider-Man #322 (by David Michelinie and Todd McFarlane)...

Here she is on the show in Amazing Spider-Man #334 (by Michelinie, Erik Larsen and Mike Machlan)...

JENNIFER "SHE-HULK" WALTERS

She-Hulk was seemingly killed when she came back from the dead and the publicity led to her being hired in Sensational She-Hulk #55 (by Michael Eury, Pat Oliffe and Art Nichols) on a soap opera...

This one also made some sense.

MARY "TYPHOID MARY" WALKER

Typhoid Mary was a recurring Daredevil villain with a split personality.

Her evil side was brought out by the Kingpin in Daredevil #46 (by Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev) when Fisk went to visit her on the soap opera she was now starring on....

Thanks for the inadvertent suggestion, Bill!

If anyone has a suggestion for a future Drawing Crazy Patterns, drop me a line at brianc@cbr.com!