The Star Wars universe has been refreshed recently, with both Episode VII and Rogue One being two excellent attempts to bring the story back to life. Everyone loved them, and they made a bucketload of money. Of course, among all the fandoms, it is Star Wars fans (and possibly Star Trek fans) who are the most loyal, and suitably vicious whenever anyone mentions something they don’t like or recognize say canon, like, say, Jar Jar Binks.
We thought we would take a look at one of the more intriguing characters that Episode VII gave us. In the upcoming instalment of the franchise, The Last Jedi, Snoke is going to become a lot more interesting. So it seems the perfect time to sit back, relax, and check out all those theories on the Internet about him, like his favorite colour, favorite foods, and who he is most likely to kill first. Oh, and by the way, the last one (which we debunk) may be particularly comforting to 99% of the human race.
15. SNOKE IS GRAND MOFF TARKIN
You remember Grand Moff Tarkin right? He was a sophisticated, charming boss of Vader in A New Hope. It was a breath of fresh air to have someone who had actually “done Shakespeare” on the Death Star (Peter Cushing that is, not Tarkin). His quips and overall manner, even as he was obliterating a planet, made him an instant fan favorite.
That is why, probably, the rumor that Snoke is Grand Moff Tarkin has been allowed to flourish. The story goes that Tarkin survived the destruction of the first Death Star, with burns and scarring. He was Vader’s superior, which gives him rank over Kylo Ren and General Hux. And he was, er, British. All this leads up to Snoke being Peter Cushing, sorry… Tarkin.
14. SNOKE IS MACE WINDU
When Star Wars fans first met Mace Windu, it was like that guy out in Pulp Fiction had come to scare all the bad guys that weren’t Palpatine. He did get his chance to scare Palpatine, but completely fluffed it by giving the old guy a chance to think (you never do that with Force wielders who are nearly as powerful as Yoda) when he tried to arrest him.
That’s right, one of the most accomplished Jedi (and owner of the only purple light saber) eventually morphed into one of the guys from Law and Order. Because it was never made clear that Mace Windu dies, and because he had a purple lightsaber (which some fans believe means he sat in the middle ground between the Light and Dark sides), fans believe that he may return in Episode 8, beaten, broken, scarred and possibly evil thanks to a transference of energy from the Emperor in the form of Force lightning.
13. SNOKE IS DARTH MAUL
Remember when we all saw Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace for the first time? It seemed as if George Lucas had suddenly realized that the saga needed a truly fearsome demon. And then Maul produced what is still the best weapon ever — a double-sided lightsaber. It all looked good, right up to the point where he was drop-kicked by Renton from Trainspotting. Then, the global audience was devastated to learn that the best part of Episode I was actually that pod race.
The theory states that he simply didn’t die, but instead kept the lower half of his body in ice until he got to the hospital. Fan theories then suggest that Maul and Snoke sound the same. But the biggest part of the theory comes with Snoke saying he had witnessed the rise and fall of The Empire. This is plausible, because Maul (due to his renaissance in The Clone Wars) has seen just that. The only problem? Darth Maul dies in Star Wars: Rebels. Then again, he was literally cut in half once before and he eventually walked that off.
12. HE HAS A CONNECTION WITH THE ACOLYTES
In Rogue One, a very old man drops in on Darth Vader to tell him that he has visitors. Now, we’re not saying this old man is Snoke ( we’re sure that there is a forum on Reddit that will say that), but that he is instead a member of The Acolytes, a kind of ancient order that worships Vader.
Now, we all know that Kylo Ren was trained/mentored by Snoke. The theory goes that The Acolytes found Vader’s old helmet and brought it to Kylo, who worshipped the spirit of Vader. It all ties together with the idea that Snoke and The Acolytes trained Kylo Ren. So, Snoke has (if the theory has weight) a long-standing connection with one of the most enigmatic groups in the Star Wars canon, which would explain Snoke’s obvious desire to make Kylo the new Vader.
11. SNOKE IS THE CHOSEN ONE, NOT ANAKIN
If we were to truly explain this particular theory, it would probably take about three hours. It has been done to death on the internets, but people genuinely feel it has legs. So, let’s go for a very quick version of the story where Snoke would be Luke Skywalker (honestly). See, there’s this famous character called Darth Plagueis, and he really, really loved Anakin’s mum. With us so far? Good. Shmi Skywalker really loved Snoke, not Plagueis.
So a love triangle developed, and Plagueis attempted to manage this sensitive matter of the heart by having Snoke killed. Sadly, he hurt Shmi instead (by the way, Shmi is Anakin’s mother, but we understand if you fell asleep by minute seven of The Phantom Menace and missed this). This makes Snoke a Skywalker, and one who, according to the theory, is waiting to reclaim the name and bring harmony to the galaxy… or torture and kill everyone who disagrees with him.
10. SNOKE IS GALLIUS RAX
Who is Gallius Rax, you might ask? Naughty you, you’ve been having a life over the last 20 years and didn’t take the time to get sucked into the Star Wars Canon. Shame! Seriously though, the Star Wars novels have created a rich universe and earned much respect from fans. And Gallius Rax is one of the most well-remembered creations.
In the three Aftermath novels, created by Chuck Wendig, Gallius Rax and his story have been justly lauded as epic parts of the Star Wars tapestry. Even if you haven’t read these, you’ll have seen the moment when Rey and Finn fly through what remains of Rax’s wrecked Star Destroyer in The Force Awakens. The Gallius Rax Aftermath books give you a ton of clues about who Snoke is, and all the clues seemingly lead to him being Rax. Oh, and that Star Destroyer? Snoke’s scars may attributed to that crash.
9. HE IS THE GRAND INQUISITOR
This theory is gaining quite a lot of traction right now. The Grand Inquisitor is a nasty piece of work. Tasked by Darth Vader to hunt down Jedi Knights, he really loved his job, and we all know how much easier the 9 to 5 is when you have a real love for what you do. Gotta respect him for that. Evil, and completely devoid of anything remotely resembling compassion, he seems to fit the mould of Snoke. Plus, when he “died” at the hands of Ezra, he warned him about something terrible being unleashed. The theory says that this something may well have involved him.
Also, he looks like Snoke, which is enough to send the internet abuzz. We know Snoke currently presents as a particularly unhealthy potato from the bottom of the bag, but the two characters share some kind of visual link. We’re interested in this theory because it does make more than a little sense on a couple of levels. Whether this turns out to be true on the screen, though, remains to be seen.
8. HE’S NOT THE BAD GUY
While The Last Jedi obviously has a lot of surprises in store, there is something else… We sense it. A disturbance in the Force. Basically, everyone (or at least three guys on the internet) is speculating that Snoke is a bit of a decoy. The real bad guy is yet to be revealed, and if you’ve paid any attention to the various interviews over the last 12 months with cast and crew, it’s a revelation that’s going to blow us away.
Han Solo dying in The Force Awakens blew us away. Grown men cried. But we think there is something even bigger lurking in the new movie. Snoke is quite possibly going to be exposed as nothing more than a pawn in someone else’s game. Theories are all over the place about who that could be, of course, but to see the one that everyone seems to be excited about, check out The Last Jedi posters. Right now, there’s only one Jedi who looks truly evil, looming over Rey and pals.
7. HIS PERSONAL GUARD ARE THE KNIGHTS OF REN
Remember those guys in the fever-dream type episode in The Force Awakens? They were a group of bad guys that made everyone else look like a bunch of babies for about three seconds before JJ Abrams decided to cut away? Well, one theory states that Snoke has them as his personal bodyguards, which is one of the most exciting theories connected to the new movie.
A number of theories have recently been aired that state that the Praetorian Guard are nothing to do with the fabled Knights, but that just seems to have made fans even more convinced. And the best thing about any denial is that if they aren’t the Guard, that means they’re still out there, waiting for Kylo to issue a call that will make them come and be part of the Best Star Wars Battle scene Ever. Because those guys look stone cold evil (and amazing in black).
6. SNOKE IS ANAKIN REINCARNATED
Okay, we’re heading into deep fan theory here. Check your rational selves in at the door. This theory states that Snoke used midi-chlorians (ugh) to reincarnate himself. The story goes that he created Anakin using midi-chlorians (strangely enough, this isn’t part of the sexual education curriculum in schools). At the same time, he also made another: Rey!
This explains why Rey is such a ridiculously powerful Jedi, and may just mollify the grown people starting fights on the internet about her being a Mary Sue character. Either way, we fans do love crazy stuff, and boy do we think this one is crazy. But the only way theories like this are going to go away is through the movies setting them straight. Maybe that will happen? Or maybe not.
5. SNOKE IS HUGH HEFNER
Bear with us on this one. Snoke is meant to live on a planet that is “red and dusty.” Cantonica is such a planet. However, on Cantonica, among its many other red and dusty delights, also has the city of Canto Bight. This is basically Vegas in space, and Snoke could be there, making bank in space via his various illegal and legal gambling operations. Yes, he has time to be the (possible) lord of the galaxy while running a space Vegas in the middle of nowhere.
That is why he has been humorously compared to Hefner by a more lighthearted section of the fanbase. Hef also hid himself away in a hard-to-reach estate, and he loved the richer, more debauched side of life. Snoke is basically the Playboy of the Star Wars universe and he’s having more fun than anyone else. Check out Snoke in the new movie. It’s hard to imagine him chilling in a dressing gown and smoking a cigar, but at this point, anything is possible (but probably not this, let’s be real).
4. SNOKE IS LUKE’S WIFE
We would like to believe this is true. In fact, we think it would be the second most exciting theory out there right now (for the best and craziest, not to mention darkest, take a look at number one on this list). Let’s take it as true that Luke and Snoke are man and wife, and have a look at the actual facts of the matter.
Oh wait, there are none. There isn’t even any evidence that Luke has a wife like he did in the novels, so having this theory out there may well be simple speculation about nothing. We said we’d like this to be true earlier, and there’s a good reason for that. We’d basically just like to know what she looks like, how tough she is, and if Rey is their daughter. Hopefully we’ll know the details soon.
3. SNOKE IS BOBA FETT
As much fun as it would be to think this, let’s go ahead and squash this rumor right now by talking about why it isn’t a good idea. Our first concern about this theory is that Boba Fett had no force powers. While his jetpack is cool, it still doesn’t mean that Fett can fly at will. But as we all know, Boba Fett was never really dead after falling into the Saarlac Pit. Also, as one of the coolest Star Wars characters ever, fans would love him to return, though it might be going too far into fan service.
Boba Fett is a bad guy, and he kills people for money, with a special distaste for Force wielders like the Jedi. He hated Luke and Han, which might explain why he could be Snoke, still trying to get his hands on the last few of those who cost him money, not to mention his dad’s life.
2. SNOKE IS… A NEW CHARACTER
Sometimes answers hide in plain sight. A large chunk of fans out there feel that Snoke is just a character who has been created for the three new movies. This is, of course, probably the most rational of the list, and we feel it might well be the end result that Disney gives us. There is obviously a problem or two with this one, though. First of all, fans are chomping at the bit, anxious to see who Snoke “was” before he was Snoke.
If they don’t get any more intriguing stuff on Snoke in Episode VIII, it could be seen as a huge disappointment. This may result in brief spates of violence around the time the movie is released. The other problem is that he has been brought into the series, and we all need some context before he dies or moves into the Hoth Hills Retirement Home.
1. HE’S JAR JAR!
We think Jar Jar Binks is the most compelling, layered character in the entire Star Wars universe. And we’re not on any form of medication (but we are kidding not just a little bit). Still, he is an intellectual behemoth, has been involved in high pressure Senate meetings, taken part in huge battles to defend the land of his people, and is the only Star Wars character who almost every fan legitimately hates!
There is also a theory that Binks started the skirmish that ended in the Death Star plans being given to the resistance. SUre, he doesn’t look like Snoke, but technically all we’ve seen so far is a hologram, so anything is possible. We know Binks is highly annoying to the extent that people would gladly jump out of a moving car to avoid him, but who better than that to be the ultimate bad guy?
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