Accounting for all the weapons that exist in fiction is a comically impossible task — the popular ones alone number in the hundreds; forget those who were nothing more than a fleeting glimpse (appearing in an issue or series and then never being spoken of again.)
Everyone knows about the Infinity Gauntlet, Mjolnir, The Lasso of Truth, but there are several completely rubbish comic book weapons that writers have either introduced as a joke or tried to pass off as serious additions to the canon (it's impossible to tell the difference anyway.) Here are the ten most nonsensical ones that comic fans have had the misfortune of learning about.
10 The Miracle Machine
The first appearance made by the Miracle Machine occurs when it is gifted to the Legion of Super-Heroes as a reward for their services. This device runs on some strange type of determination-based technology that can apparently fulfill any wish asked of it (and it doesn't even need to be rubbed three times!)
The point of such an overwhelming power is completely lost when it's nothing more than a cheat sheet. Thankfully, the Miracle Machine hasn't been triggered too many times; imagine the multiversal catastrophe if it falls in the wrong hands.
9 The Pincers Of Power
When Dormammu throws down the hypothetical gauntlet, Dr. Strange is forced to fight him (more so because the safety of the world is at stake.) For a totally inscrutable reason, the inter-dimensional dark entity insists that they only employ their "mystic minds" and "these enchanted pincers of power."
Of course the weapon is strong, but its ridiculous name and the fact that it resembles Loki's headdress doesn't generate the aura of solemnity that the high stakes in this battle deserve. Also, it doesn't help that Dr. Strange narrates every single move while making them.
8 The Encephalo-Gun
Smart though they are, Doctor Doom and Reed Richards are locked in an eternal battle of the ego; their enmity having more to do over petty squabbles and jilted lovers. So, they decided to prove, once and for all, which of them is more intelligent by using the Encephalo-Gun.
The prefix refers to the Greek word for "brain", because it can successfully identify the greater genius among the two, and forces the loser into a different dimension. Doctor Doom technically wins, but it was later revealed that he had been duped by Richards into believing that he was smarter. Does the gun actually function? Was it a joke the whole time?
7 Iron Man's Arctic Armor
Iron Man possesses amazing armors in his collection, including the Hulkbuster, the Bleeding Edge, and the Godkiller. Then there is the Arctic Armor, which was designed for the sole purpose of protecting an evil version of Stark against the harsh winds of the Arctic.
Creating something just because he can is something Iron Man is known to do, but this is pushing the limit a bit too far. Tony doesn't need more than his normal armor, or any of his other versions, in order to regulate internal temperature. At least it has a unique color scheme?
6 Hawkeye's Trick Arrows
OK, Hawkeye really isn't as bad as he's made out to be– just because he's a normal human doesn't mean he should be mocked for it. He may not have super-serum powers or cosmic magic, but he's a good archer, so he's got at least that going for him.
Hawkeye's range of arsenal is surprisingly vast — his arrows are outfitted with are smoke bombs, nets, tear gas, rockets, cables, boomerangs and similar useful components. Then there are others, like his suction tip arrows (how are they strong enough?) or his inkjet arrows (that work in lieu of a pen.)
5 Flash's Cosmic Treadmill
The second Flash, Barry Allen is extremely fast, but clearly not enough to transport himself through time by virtue of his own speed. So, to fix this problem (?), the Cosmic Treadmill is created, a ludicrous piece of machinery allegedly using cosmic rays as an energy source.
It seems that it generates "positive radiation" while taking Flash into the future, and "negative radiation" if he planned to visit the past. At least his successor, Wally West, can travel through time without the need for outdated gym equipment (via the Speed Force.)
4 Beak's Baseball Bat
Barnell Bohusk, or Beak, believes he's the most pathetic mutant at the Xavier Institute because his mutant powers made him look like a bird without giving him any additional avian abilities like, say, flight.
With no apparent genetic advantage, he resorts to plain and simple courage, as seen when he tries to stop the mummudrai Cassandra Nova Xavier from hurting his mentor, Beast. This doesn't work, obviously, against a creature who could take down Professor X with a single thought, but his weapon of choice — a baseball bat — makes Beak look little more than ludicrous.
3 The Phoenix Gun
There really aren't a lot of people, or cosmic entities, that can survive a direct attack from the Phoenix Force. The Phoenix Gun works along the same principle, given that Beast somehow manages to "cast" the being into the form of a glowing bullet.
In Astonishing Spider-Man & Wolverine, Spidey explains that the gun can "blow up planets" but simultaneously "splatter the user's atoms across the cosmos." A worthwhile sacrifice to be sure, but it doesn't explain why this monstrosity exists in the first place.
2 Green Arrow's Chili
It's not like Green Arrow is only known for his powers (or his complicated selection of arrowheads.) He also makes the spiciest Chili in the world, so much so that it is the only "weapon"– the horrifying memory of which is able to extract Superman, Wonder Woman, and Atmahn (Batman's divine night-Judge form) from their hallucinations– providing a repulsive anchor to their own reality.
The official recipe is quite detailed, including three kinds of chili powder and multiple varieties of pepper. Most importantly, it seems that only Batman has a gut strong enough to tolerate this overpowering dish, while everyone else would rather die that put it in their mouths.
1 Batman's Female Villain Repellent
Batman has contingencies layered on top of contingencies: it is nigh impossible to catch him with his pants down, so to speak. To that end, he goes as far as creating an aerosol spray that he ironically names the "Bat-Female-Villain Repellent." As if the Shark Repellent wasn't stupid enough.
This weapon raises so many questions — how can a chemical only affect villainous women? Even assuming that Batman has figured out some way to repel women, how on earth can it possibly differentiate between friends and enemies?