Musician Glen Danzig has adapted his Verotik comics brand into cinematic anthology film, Verotika. When the movie hit the film-festival circuit, the reaction was palpable. It was immediately panned and demonized as one of the absolute worst films ever made. Whenever one hears about a new movie being compared to The Room, one develops a high standard. Surely the film cannot be that bad. Surely this is a hyperbolic reaction.

However, now that Verotika is available for streaming on Shudder, one million subscribers can subject themselves to one of the most horribly shot, edited, acted, written and conceived films in the last decade. In fact, not only can they watch Verotika, but it is the opinion of this reviewer they should watch Verotika if they enjoy so-bad-it's-good filmmaking.

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Verotika consists of three short, half-hour stories, all framed by a strange woman who casually tortures another woman while talking to "her Darklings." Each short horror story runs on nightmare and dream logic, in that nothing that occurs makes any logical sense, none of the characters behave or act like human beings and nothing feels real.

The first segment is by far the wildest. At some unknown point in France's history when Paris was filled with Americans trying too hard to use French accents, there is a model who struggles to keep boyfriends. The reason? She has human eyes in her nipples. One day, when yet another guy runs away after she takes her top off, her nipple eyes cry and the tears fall on an albino spider. This spider then transforms into a literal Spider-Man who murders people whenever the model falls asleep. It's somewhat like A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, only it feels like you're literally in a dream.

The second segment is about a stripper at a club who has a mild rash on her cheeks. She's so upset by this rash that she goes around carving off the faces of women she thinks are pretty. She then wears those faces as masks. Presumably, the skin never rots or deteriorates. The police are baffled by the crimes, save for one detective who figures out what's going on four minutes too late, and long after the audience put it together for themselves.

The final segment takes place in a historical setting where a Countess asks her lesbian henchmen to drag peasant girls to her castle. Once there, the Countess carves the girls open and bathes in their blood -- or eats their organs. This story is very clearly inspired by the real account of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, a historical figure who believed she could attain immortality by bathing in the blood of virgin women. However, rather than tell a story about Báthory or paint his Countess as a supernatural, horrific force, Danzig is content to show her bathing in blood in scenes that feel like a low-rate porn.

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Verotika has a lot of issues. The acting is unconvincing. The shot composition is sloppy. Scenes are edited in an awkward, jerky fashion. There is no transition between shots. You never have a sense of where the characters are at a given moment or why. Everything about this film fails on some fundamental level, creating a surreal world where a character walks into a coffee shop, sits at a table where a mug is already set but doesn't order anything, only for a waiter to come over and say, "We're closing soon. Would you like a refill?" Yes, that happens.

At times, Verotika resembles soft-core porn, but even then it's so low-energy and unconvincing that it fails there too. The world of Verotika feels strangely empty. The sets never read as real. "Busy" strip clubs are almost entirely empty. We never know where a character's apartment starts and the rest of the building begins. Everything feels ill-defined, which creates a surreal atmosphere that takes the audience out of every scene.

Plus, the characters don't behave like real people. When someone approaches with a knife, rather than run, everyone just stands and screams without making any attempt to resist. When people see a naked man with six arms approach them, they don't seem alarmed until he informs them he wants to snap their necks. Even then, they stand perfectly still as the monster kills them. This is to say nothing about the overt, cartoonish dialogue that often only highlights exactly what characters are doing or thinking without the slightest nuance.

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This is to say nothing of the gore and violence in the film. Characters are tapped by knives, only for their throats to erupt in cartoonish sprays of blood. Faces neatly peel off when sliced. Even after people's hearts are ripped out and eaten in front of them, they still move their hands and feet and blink casually.

All of this is why Verotika gets a glowing recommendation. The film is inherently terrible from start to finish, but terrible in that way so few films are. It's clearly a passion project for Danzig, made terrible by incompetence. In many ways, it feels like the sort of trashy movie a 14-year-old boy might write in an attempt to be as edgy as possible. To enjoy this film, you must put yourself in that mindset.

Verotika is glorious garbage. Many critics compared it to The Room, but The Room is competently made, unlike Verotika. Instead, this is the new Troll 2 -- an incompetent narrative that fails on every level to be scary, but is such a surreal trip that it becomes the perfect film to watch with friends, provided everyone's inebriated enough to laugh at eye-boobies.

Verotika is directed by Glenn Danzig and stars Ashley Wisdom, Rachel Alig, Alice Tate, Kayden Kross and Scotch Hopkins. It is currently available to stream on Shudder.

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