In Nothing Was Delivered, we look at announced comic book projects that never came about. We’ll try to find out WHY they didn’t come out. I’m sure you all know tons of examples of comic book projects like these, so feel free to write me at email@example.com to tell me some for future columns.
In a recent article, I discussed how the final issue of Sensational She-Hulk involved her breaking the fourth wall (all of her other issues did, too, of course, just noting that it was an example of a comic book character breaking the fourth wall in their final issue, a surprisingly common trope).
The bit about Elvis Presley, though, perked my interest, so I asked the co-writer of the issue, Len Kaminski (whose birthday is today. Happy birthday, Len!) what a “She-Hulk/Elvis Presley” comic book would have entailed and he was kind enough to regale me with quite an untold tale…
“SKRULLS. Lots of ’em. All impersonating ELVIS (from various stages of his career for the sake of variety).
It would have been SECRET INVASION starring ELVIS PRESLEY as HIMSELF in MULTIPLE ROLES (just IMAGINE the box office on that!).
They’d come to Earth, one by one, over the years, arriving at the Skrull base under the secret base under AREA 51, passed through Las Vegas, and passing, adopted the form of THE KING, seeing how common… how anonymous… it was. But then some other writer in some 0ther book set off a Gene Bomb that robbed the Skrull race of it’s powers, and they were stuck, on Earth, perfect duplicates of ELVIS… and in time, learned the Hideous Truth about the shape they wore… everywhere, they found themselves hounded, harried, hunted; captured by collectors, fleeing from fans.
They are the dark truth behind the tabloid headlines (and at least one of Murphy Brown’s secretaries). Worse, they can’t even earn a living with their deformity, because Skrulls are tone-deaf. So as you iimagine, by now they’re pretty freaking desperate.
Little-known fact: across the Skrull empire, alone among earthmen, Reed Richards’ name is synonymous with compassion. This goes back to FF #2, where he showed mercy to the Skrull invaders and hypnotized them into thinking they were cows – providing them with lives of leisure and contentment instead of the hideous torture and death they deserved.
So, after the fateful adventure in which all the Alien Elvises teamed up (a tale for which the world is STILL not ready), they came up.with the idea of seeking out the leader of the FF for help in their time of need.
Now, protocol says they need a representative to formally introduce them, so they hire the She-Hulk. Because she’s a lawyer, FF member, a soothing shade of green AND IT’S HER BOOK,
COVER: SHE-HULK and friends recoiling in shock from YOU, an ELVIS (or Capt. Marvel Jr, same difference)-shaped shadow falling over them ominously. “YOU!” gasps the SHE-HULK. “It can’t be you! YOU’RE DEAD!”
I haven’t the FAINTEST idea what Brilliant Plan I had (or THOUGHT I had) up my sleeve that would’ve kept us from getting fired, let alone get the issue to the printers before They could stop us…”
That sounded amazing, Len! I’m sad that it never came to pass. But hey, maybe everyone reading this can hound Marvel to get to see this actually happen! Get to hounding people, a la Elvis’ “Hound Dog”!
Again, if anyone has a suggestion for another cool comic book series that never got published, let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org!
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