The best superhero stories are the ones that put characters first. This is part of what makes Marvel so special: we get to understand who characters like Tony Stark and Peter Parker are in their personal lives, which ends up raising the dramatic stakes when they don their super suits and go fight crime. Inevitably, some of your favorite characters are going to hook up. This is one of the ways that these relationships naturally evolve and expand. We see this with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, too, with some characters seemingly destined to be together (like Tony Stark and Pepper Potts) and some destined to be apart (like Thor and Jane Foster).
Sometimes, though, Marvel comics get pretty damn weird in terms of hook-ups. We see characters that we never dreamed of get together and create scenes so weird that most fans try to forget they ever happened. These are the kinds of scenes that you’ll never see in the Marvel Cinematic Universe because Disney would never tarnish their family-friendly image. What are these hook-ups? You don’t need to steal the Mind Stone to find out…just keep reading to check out 15 scandalous Avengers hook-ups Disney hopes you never see!
15. CAPTAIN AMERICA AND WASP
Over in the MCU, we’re mostly used to seeing Captain America romancing Agent Carter (and flirting with Sharon Carter). Over in the Ultimates universe, Cap actually had a relationship with Ant-Man’s squeeze, The Wasp. The two had their ups and downs (it turns out it’s weird dating someone with grandpa’s sensibilities), but Disney definitely wouldn’t show what happened before.
In this universe, Ant-Man and Wasp get into some serious domestic violence on the regular. At one point, Wasp shrunk down to hide from him, so he sprayed her with Raid and tried to get an army of ants to kill her. Captain America violated orders so he could kick Ant-Man’s butt, then he shacked up with Wasp. While the MCU has gotten edgier, it’s still not ready for Cap being a rebound hookup after an attempted murder (by a “hero”, no less!).
14. HULK AND SHE-HULK
Something that the MCU made clear in our one and only solo Hulk film was the hooking up with Hulk is actually really difficult. The excitement of Bruce Banner easily leads to him turning into Hulk, and romance with Hulk is a good way for a woman to end up dead. One comic series solved this in the grosses way possible, guaranteeing we’ll never see it on screen!
In the original “Old Man Logan” story (the one that the Logan movie is loosely based on), Hulk has been hooking up with She-Hulk for years. She is, of course, his cousin, so the countless children that they produce are affected by varying degrees of genetic abnormalities (abnormal even by Hulk standards). They become an unstoppable gang of murderers and rapists…and all because Hulk was feeling lonely!
13. ANT-MAN AND VALKYRIE
Thanks to Thor: Ragnarok, the whole world has seen how awesome the Asgardian Valkyrie can be. In the Ultimates universe, we get a much more cynical version of this character: she is a regular woman with no powers who nearly gets killed while trying to be a hero with other would-be vigilantes. She also hooks up with Ant-Man for a very cringe-y relationship.
What’s so weird about it? First, she’s way too young for him — Ant-Man is dating a girl who can’t even buy herself a beer. Second, it reeks of sadness, as Ant-Man is only hanging out with these wannabe heroes because of the scandal with Wasp (when he tried to kill her). Finally, “Valkyrie” isn’t even that into Ant-Man, making him dress as Captain America before they hook up!
12. QUICKSILVER AND SCARLET WITCH
Have we mentioned yet that the Ultimates universe was really weird? While the MCU introduced us to Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch as misled youths who quickly saw the light, the Ultimates universe (predictably enough) went a lot darker. These two start as brainwashed, bloodthirsty terrorist commanded by Magneto…and they deal with their stress by hooking up with each other.
That’s right: this brother and sister bond gets a little TOO close on multiple occasions, with the two of them apparently having no problem keeping everything in the family on the romance front. If this wasn’t already weird enough for Disney to never speak of, there’s also a creepy scene where Wolverine watches them hooking up from the bushes. What can we say? He’s the best there is at what he does…and what he does is illegal in all 50 states.
11. BLACK WIDOW AND WINTER SOLDIER
Over in the MCU, Winter Soldier hasn’t had much in the way of romance (unless you count Captain America, of course). And Black Widow has been set up as part of a tragic romance with Bruce Banner. Casual fans may be really surprised to know that in the comics, Black Widow and Winter Soldier had a hot and heavy relationship!
In the comics, Black Widow learned to be a killer through intense Russian training. It turns out that Winter Soldier (already captured and converted by this time) helped out with her training, and pretty soon, she was hot for teacher. They had a brief romance at that time and hooked up again when Winter Soldier assumed the identity of Captain America. Considering what Hulk would do after ripping off that metal arm, it’s safest that we never see this relationship on screen.
10. CAPTAIN AMERICA AND SCARLET WITCH
In the MCU, Captain America quickly established an older, mentor-like relationship with Scarlet Witch. He helps her become a better hero and comforts her in the wake of tragedy. That’s one of the reasons it’s so scandalous that, in the comics, the two enjoyed a very brief relationship together. The other reason is that their relationship nearly destroyed the world!
In the “Avengers: Disassembled” storyline, Captain America decides to call it quits on their relationship. Scarlet Witch (who, to be fair, is being mind-controlled by Dr. Doom) does not take this well, using her magical powers to manipulate reality. This sets off a chain of events that disbands the Avengers, kills Hawkeye, and nearly gives Doom control of the world. Needless to say, Disney is in no rush to make Scarlet Witch evil again!
9. ANT-MAN AND WASP
Most of the hook-ups on this list are scandalous because they are unexpected. In this case, things seem innocent enough: Ant-Man and Wasp were married to each other for years, and they’ve been known to hook up even after their marriage was over. Thanks to these panels, though, we get a real idea of how weird things got in the bedroom!
The scene starts out with Wasp moaning Ant-Man’s name, telling him he shouldn’t stop. Curiously, we don’t see Ant-Man until he suddenly emerges in a shrunken form from under the covers. The comic mercifully spares us the exact details, but it seems obvious that Ant-Man was using his shrinking powers to go places and do things that no other lover could. It’s so blatantly freaky that you have to really wonder what he’s expecting her to do on her “turn”!
8. CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THOR
While none of them develop very far, the MCU Thor has had several romantic entanglements. The most famous is Jane Foster, but she eventually dumps him. Thor shares a Star-Lord style “will they or won’t they” with Lady Sif, and Thor: Rangarok showed a possible romance between him and Valkyrie. Over in the comics, however, we get a relationship that we’re not likely to see on the big screen: Thor and…Captain America?!
Well, sort of. This is during the time period where Thor is unworthy of Mjolnir and it is being wielded by Jane Foster, who has taken up the mantle of Thor. Meanwhile, Captain America has become old and frail, so his best buddy Falcon takes up the role of Cap. Briefly, we see the new Cap and the new Thor bonding in a way that the old ones never did. Unless you count all the fanfiction, of course.
7. SCARLET WITCH AND WONDER MAN
One comic mainstay that we hope doesn’t make it to the MCU is how often Scarlet Witch goes crazy. It was during one of these times that she hooked up with Wonder Man. She’d had a rough go of life lately and returned to her villainous ways…and this included hooking up with a guy that most certainly did not want it!
This was especially cruel because Wonder Man actually did love Scarlet Witch, but he didn’t want to have her in the crazy, villainous state she was in. However, she wanted to have him, and he howled in pain and frustration at what was happening. What, exactly, was happening? The writers leave it up to your imagination (although Marvel editorial had to put her head in the original frame so your imagination didn’t go TOO far), but we can guarantee that Disney won’t be showing it anytime soon!
6. SPIDER-MAN AND MARY JANE
Spider-Man and Mary Jane are on this list for the same kind of reasons that Wasp and Ant-Man are. After all, this is another longstanding couple, and they’ve been together (sometimes married, sometimes not) for many years. What’s wrong with them hooking up? Nothing’s wrong…we just get a few too many details about their preferences!
For instance, supermodel Mary Jane likes to periodically take off her clothes and give Spider-Man a show. Speaking of giving a show, the two have fooled around under covers before when they knew Aunt May was watching. Weirdest of all, Spider-Man has used his webs to create some 50 Shades of Grey hook-ups with Mary Jane Watson. Eventually, you go from wondering what their love life is like to wishing you didn’t know so damn much about it!
5. BLACK WIDOW AND DEADPOOL
When it comes to the really weird scandal, you know you can count on Deadpool! At one point in the comics, he has decided he’s really into Black Widow. To his knowledge, this is not our familiar red-haired Avenger but the blonde badass Yelena Belova. She is on a mission to trap Deadpool, but this doesn’t stop him from kissing her…which is where things start getting weird.
First, the comic implies that Deadpool isn’t actually seeing Black Widow. He professes his love to her, but in his mind, he’s looking at Death (the Grim Reaper lady that Thanos is always making eyes at). A later comic would also retcon that this WAS the heroic Black Widow in disguise, meaning that even if Deadpool had all his marbles, he wouldn’t actually know who he was kissing!
4. IRON MAN AND HIS OWN SUIT
If there was ever an Avenger that was likely to hook up with himself, it’s Iron Man. However, one bizarre Iron Man storyline helps to make this explicit in the weirdest possible way. Chances are you’ll never look at these suits the same way!
In a freak coincidence, one of Tony’s suits is struck by lightning, which mixes up some failsafes and makes it come to life. The mind of this new life form is still developing, but it knows what it wants: it wants Tony! They try to work together until the suit starts murdering people, and pretty soon it’s abusing Tony, kidnapping him to desert islands, and expressing jealousy over everything from old girlfriends to new Iron Man suits. This is the one hookup Tony wishes he could avoid, and it’s downright creepy to see how the suit manipulates him out of a warped sense of love.
3. DAREDEVIL AND BLACK WIDOW
In the MCU, we’ve seen Daredevil’s heart beat for two people. There is Karen Page, the seeming love of his life and longsuffering confidante. There is also Elektra, the sexy assassin who lets him access his wild side. However, some old Marvel comics imply that his real love is actually Black Widow!
The two started as work buddies solving cases, and it eventually developed into a serious romance. How serious are we talking? Daredevil actually kicked Karen Page to the corner and headed out west to start a new life with Black Widow. Their love has waxed and waned, and their time together has involved everything from lost memories to Daredevil’s attempt to kill a baby that he was convinced was the Anti-Christ…not exactly Disney movie material!
2. CAPTAIN AMERICA AND IRON WOMAN
Sometimes, the most scandalous hook-ups are also the funniest. This is certainly the case with Captain America and Iron Woman. No, you didn’t read that wrong: this is a hook-up from an alternate universe very similar to our favorite Marvel comics universe except for the fact that Tony Stark was born as a woman, Natasha Stark, instead!
Our brief glimpse of this world is something of a comedic punchline. It turns out that this world had the same beginnings of a Civil War conflict that the regular Marvel Universe did. However, Captain America and Iron Woman were a power couple in this universe and were able to talk things out like mature adults instead of fracture the entire superhero community. Ultimately, this hookup gives you an idea of how very differently the Captain America: Civil War movie could have ended!
1. IRON MAN AND GAMORA
As the Guardians of the Galaxy movies became more popular, there was an explosion of new Guardians of the Galaxy comics. In some of them, Iron Man comes out to explore the universe and to help out the team. He ends up hooking up with Gamora, but the experience doesn’t look very fun for anyone involved!
We get a scene of the cocky and confident Tony Stark flirting with Gamora. Next, we see them in bed together, with Tony looking like he can’t think straight and a bored Gamora heading back to the bar. As it turns out, he wasn’t ready to “climb mount Gamora” (as Rocket delicately puts it), but Tony confesses that Star Trek has made him want to hook up with a green woman since he was a young boy!
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