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Random Thoughts! (June 16, 2009)

Last week's edition was all kinds of big with around twenty of my musings on things no one else cares about, so I'm betting this week's will be even bigger. Although probably not. *shrugs* Whatever. It's random thoughts time! Get excited!

Random Thought! While I respect and admire Jason Aaron for trying to come up with a reason for why Wolverine is always so busy, his explanation that it's because Logan is too afraid to be alone with his thoughts now that he remember his entire past doesn't really explain anything prior to a few years ago. Why was he so busy in the '90s? Hmm?

Random Thought! Despite being Canadian, I've read very few Alpha Flight comics and have almost no affection for the property.

Random Thought! Last week's beginning to the "Deadpool: Dial R for Retard" series idea I had once amused some and offended many. This week, I present the rest of it... MINUS the two six-part "Deadpool Sex Slave Search" storyarcs. They're in very, very poor taste (although I do like a couple of the titles in the first one). I'll sum them up quick: the first has Deadpool hitting on six women from the Marvel Universe; the second is Spider-Man themed because Deadpool thinks he stole his costume design or some other lame reason. But, whatever, on with the rest of the plots!

Issue 12: The sixth story is double-sized and called “The Punisher Is A Fucking Pussy Douchebag!” and is about what happens when Deadpool is hired by the mafia to assassinate the Punisher.

Issue 13: The seventh story is called “Professional (Or, How Mr. Fantastic Hired Deadpool To Assassinate Deadpool)” and is about how after their recent encounter, Deadpool has replaced Namor in Sue Richards’ little flirty threats to Reed. So, Reed decides to hire Deadpool to assassinate himself. Deadpool, of course, takes the job and sets about killing himself. This proves difficult at first because of his healing factor, but eventually he does succeed and kill himself.

Issue 14: The eighth story is called “20 Pages Of Deadpool In A Coma After He Comes Back To Life In The First Two” and is about just what the title says.

Issue 15: The ninth story is called “I Want My Money, Bitch!” and features Deadpool getting out of his coma and going after Reed Richards to get his fucking money, because he did the job. Reed never said no resurrections.

Issue 28: The tenth story is called “Issue Twenty-Eight” and has Deadpool being sent to the future by Reed Richards. He arrives in issue twenty-eight to find that he isn’t on Earth anymore and no one knows where he’s gone. Except now they think that he’s back, so he tries to go and get his money again, which this Reed Richards has no problem giving him as he managed to make a shitload in the time year that’s passed since he sent Deadpool into the future and the story continues from there, in the future.

Issue 29: The eleventh story is called “Deadpool Tries To Kill His Kid Again But The Little Brat Won’t Go Down” and has Deadpool trying to kill his kid again, who can now talk and walk and shit. Introducing, the Merc With A Mouth Jr. and the return of Widdle Wade!

[...]

Issue 36: The thirteenth story is double-sized and called “Wolverine For A Day!” and is about Deadpool and Wolverine being forced to switch places for a day. Wackiness ensues as Wolverine is hired to kill Professor Xavier by Magneto and Deadpool is forced to teach a bunch of young mutants about saving people and shit. At the end of the issue, Deadpool is sent back to the time of issues fifteen/sixteen where he left by . . . Deadpool! He’s been around the whole time and has been influencing events like a master manipulator because, well, he’s already lived through it once. But how? Why?

Issues 16-27: The fourteenth story is a 12-part, one-year arc called “Exiled On Marvel Street” where Deadpool becomes a member of an Exiles team that’s made up of just alternate versions of Deadpool. There are four other versions of himself, including one that is basically exactly like him (which will confuse both the readers and the artist), a version of him where he was never in the Weapon X program and is a normal human being, a version where he’s a cyborg killing machine, a version where he’s a pacifist superhero and a version where . . . he has no sense of humour! Every issue is a one-off story where they arrive in a new reality at the beginning and leave at the end, off for their next adventure. At the end of it all, it’s revealed that the man behind it all was Beak who just didn’t know what to do in order to fix things in the multiverse.

Issue 37: The fifteenth story is called “And Now Back To Our Scheduled Program . . .” and picks up just after Deadpool sent himself back in time. Deadpool is hired to kill the President of the United States, but must make it look like the entire Cabinet killed him Julius Caesar style. Luckily, thanks to his recent trip through the multiverse, Deadpool has the gift of telepathy, but he also has no control over reading minds and may just go insane!

Issues 38-39: The sixteenth story is a two-parter called “‘Insane In The Membrane’ Is A Song That I Can’t Get Out Of My Fucking Head! GAH! Make It Stop!” and has Deadpool committed to a psych ward because he hears voices. His telepathy wears off by the end of the first part, so Deadpool now has to find a way to escape from the home for the criminally insane, which was built to house the most dangerous psychos in the world.

Issues 40-45: The seventeenth story is a six-parter called “Fugitive Protection Program” where Deadpool must live as a redneck in Georgia until the heat over his escape dies down. Finally, a story where Deadpool is the smartest one in our cast of characters!

Issues 46-48: The eighteenth story is a three-parter called “Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Two Hundred Dollars” and has Deadpool put in prison after he gets caught in issue 45. The story culminates to his execution in issue 48 where they literally have to keep killing him because he keeps coming back to life until it’s suggested by Reed Richards that he just be sent to another dimension where he’ll never escape from.

Issue 49: The nineteenth story is called “Things To Do In Dimension X When You’re Bored To Death” and has Deadpool on a zombie-infested Earth in Dimension X having the time of his life until he gets bored with killing.

Issue 50: The twentieth story is a hundred-paged issue called “100 Pages Of Solitude” and has Deadpool all alone on Earth in Dimension X after killing all of the zombies. An in-depth look inside Deadpool to figure out exactly what makes him tick. We delve deep down below the surface, look at his past, and the point where he goes insane and then beyond insane. Or just 100 pages of Deadpool sitting on top of a few zombies, quite bored. This is where Deadpool changes. He shifts from being a comedian to just being deadly and brutal. This shift will best be seen in the following story and relaunch of the series.

Issues 51-54: The twenty-first story is called “Dr. Deadpool” and has Deadpool rescued by Dr. Doom, so he can use Deadpool to kill Reed Richards. Once back on Earth, Deadpool sends Dr. Doom back to Dimension X and takes over as ruler of Latveria. He rules with an iron fist, often walking the streets killing random people, until Silver Sable and her group is hired to depose him. They fight and shit, and it ends with Deadpool killing Silver Sable and taking over her group of mercenaries. Issue 54 is also the last issue of the book, which becomes Deadpool & The Kill Squad after this, starting again from issue 1.

Oh, where to start... Notice how in issue 14 I totally forgot that my plan was to have each issue be 11 pages... While I like the title "Wolverine for a Day," I wish I'd thought up the title "Weapon X-Over" for that issue. I still love the title "Exile on Marvel St." Yes, I know Exiles did a story with a whole team of Logans, but that's boring and obvious. A team of Deadpools? That's... well, slightly less boring and obvious. I do love the scope of that 100-page issue... I have no idea how I would fill it, honestly. Next week, I may post what little I have for "Deadpool & The Kill Squad," but that may offend everyone, because it's very, very bad. What was I thinking?

Random Thought! The CBR countdown and coffee stain all make sense now!

Random Thought! Okay, regarding Alpha Flight (as I wrote that first random thought a few days before this one and it's been on my mind a bit), I know it may seem weird that I've never really dug that book (except for the first year of the Steven Seagle run, which was mostly because of the unique voice/approach he took) and, yet, as I mentioned in a past random thought, I sent in an "Ultimate Alpha Flight" pitch to Epic all those years ago. That seems like a conflict, doesn't it? Not really when you think about what the Ultimate line was meant to be: streamlined versions of those comics that take place in the 21st century. One of the reasons I never dug Alpha Flight is that it never really reflected the Canada that I know, and I've never been one to be impressed just because they mention a city I'm familiar with. I honestly don't know if the book has even been written by a Canadian before (aside from John Byrne, of course... but even what I've read of his run makes me cringe) and I wanted to change that. Mostly by avoiding dumb stereotypes. And tiny guys named Puck. Hell, that's why I even changed the name, because 'Alpha Flight' always seemed... well, awful. A 'flight' is a military unit related to the air force, naval air service, or army air corps. I didn't know that until looking it up whereas most people know what peacekeepers are -- and Canadians in particular have a strong understanding of them and their Canadian origin. Not to go on too much, but I figured I'd clear that up for the two people who put those two random thoughts together and wanted to know what's going on there.

Random Thought! And, apologies to anyone who hates it when I talk about myself here. When it comes my thoughts on reviewing, it's because I'm a pretty self-conscious/self-aware guy who is often thinking about what I do, why I do it, how I do it, etc. I did a post over at GraphiContent on my reviewing habits, getting into the stats of how many reviews I do each month, what the average ratings are, what books get reviewed the most, what publishers... mostly because I'm curious about that stuff. Self-analysis is one of my obsessions. Well, that and this is me talking about comics from my perspective, so the topic of me is bound to come up. But, yeah, if you don't like that, I do try and make these posts varied enough that there's something for everyone.

Random Thought! I've been playing that Civil War Online game when I could this week and, damn, it is some fun stuff. As I mentioned last week, it's a small strategy-type battle game centred around Civil War. You pick a side and then fight battles over territory. There are a few characters that are specific to one side and then a larger pool that are open to both. I'm anti-registration and my most common team is Captain America, Spider-Man, Storm, and Thor. I'm not a fan of non-flyers, non-distance fighters, though that has cost me in a few battles. That said, my record roughly breaks down to a ratio of two wins for every one loss, so I must be doing something right. My favourite battle to date was one where I won with only Spider-Man left with 2 health points (out of 100) left. I recommend checking it out if you didn't last week.

Random Thought! Lou Reed is the coolest man alive. Fact.

Random Thought! Convention season is coming up and I have no plans to go to any for various reason, the main one being that I don't really like conventions. I've been to two: I went to Chicago in 2003 and, then, one in Toronto in 2005. We're dealing with the extremes in the two: the large and small shows. Chicago was a great experience in that it was me taking a bus from London, Ontario to Chicago and sleeping on the couch of a guy I knew through Millarworld. Needless to say that I was a little nervous in case he turned out to be a violent pervert intent on doing unspeakable things to me -- but he wasn't. We made arrangements to meet up with various other Millarworld posters and that was, by far, the best part of the whole trip. Actually, meeting people from the online world is the one and only reason I have at this point for going to conventions (maybe providing CBR some content if they want it being another). I sat through a couple of panels and found them boring; I have little interest in meeting creators as all I have to say is "Hey, I like your work!" and don't care too much about autographs or sketches; buying books is nice, but I can do that at home...

The second con was with a friend and his girlfriend (who met up with a friend of hers and left us to the convention) and was smaller in scope. That one was cool since I had just gotten a position at my university's paper as one of the Arts & Entertainment editors, so I managed to get myself a press pass, and did a couple of interviews (B. Clay Moore and Chip Zdarsky) for the paper. Yes, I have met and talked with Chip Zdarsky. Now, he was a violent pervert intent on doing unspeakable things to me, but I stayed on the convention floor in plain sight, ignoring his suggestions that we go somewhere "more private" to talk. And while I enjoyed that experience, too, it didn't thrill me too much. I did get to sit in on a Warren Ellis panel, though, which was great. I also got him to sign my copy of Come in Alone (one of the few autographs I actually ever wanted).

But, ultimately, cons just don't appeal to me except for meeting people I know from online. I know I want to attend the New York one at some point for the sole purpose of meeting Tim Callahan, but that's about it.

Random Thought! Hey, look! Steve Rogers is coming back! The most obvious pay-off to this huge build-up! Definitely worth alienating retailers, Marvel!

Random Thought! That's not a slight against Ed Brubaker as his Captain America work has been great and I have complete faith that this story will be great, too. I actually found it interesting to see Tom Brevoort say that the original plan was to bring Rogers back around issue 30 of Captain America, but they pushed it back when they saw how popular the story was. See? It was already planned, so I'm trying to ignore all of the Marvel media hype crap surrounding this and just enjoy the story.

Random Thought! Spider-Clone book! Spider-Clone book! I'm gonna read the hell out of that Spider-Clone book! YAY! *does a little happy dance*

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