Amid the rush and push of yesterday’s announcement that Archie Andrews will marry Veronica Lodge — in one imaginary story before he apparently weds Betty Cooper in another — I forgot one very important detail: The Riverdale teens have blogs! Where they comment on story developments!
I’m ashamed that slipped my mind, because their posts add layer upon tragic layer to the Big Day.
Heartbroken Betty dubs herself “The Saddest Girl in the World,” writing, “I’m so sad I don’t even know what to say” before signing off with her standard, and now gut-wrenching, “Xoxoxoxo Bets.” Sniff.
The clueless — or is it the unspeakably cruel? — Veronica blogs: “I am so excited, I am getting Married to Archie. There is so much to do, so many plans to make. I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy for me!” That Lodge girl is just begging to have her tires slashed.
Archie, meanwhile, seems resigned to his fate, and maybe a little dead inside. “Well … Jughead,” he writes on the blog he shares with Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, “do you want to be my best man?” No excitement, no relief. Just business.
And speaking of taking care of business, Reggie spies an opportunity: “Betty is probably free Friday night. Maybe I should ask her out.” It’s not nearly as callous as it seems on the surface: It’s probably best if Betty isn’t left alone for a while.
There’s still another, slightly mind-boggling, layer to this: the twisted internal logic of characters commenting on events of an imaginary story that’s set several years in their future.
Archie #600 goes on sale in August.
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