Marvel Comics is home to some iconic and functional superhero costumes. None of them are on this list. Because for every body-stocking perfect for web-slinging, there seem to be half a dozen ridiculous suits of power armor or ladies in glorified bikinis.
Look, we understand that superheroes are supposed to be fantastical. Fighting crime in a brightly colored costume is impractical to begin with. But these are the outfits that just stretch suspension of disbelief too far. If you ever see someone cosplaying these costumes, you're either really lucky or being trolled.
These are the 10 most impractical Marvel superhero costumes, ranked
10 Power Armor Daredevil
Daredevil was trained by ninjas and his classic look reflected that. The red suit was minimal, blended into the shadows, and didn't weigh him down. Aside from the devil horns, it was very ninja.
Do you know what isn't very ninja? Armor. Especially, heavy armor covered in little blades. Yet in the '90s, Marvel decided to give the Man Without Fear exactly that. This was actually part of a trend giving lots of heroes sets of Power Armor. Captain America got one just as stupid looking.
9 Boob Window Invisible Woman
Female superheroes are notorious for being saddled with impractical costumes to add sex appeal. Sometimes it can work depending on the character, other times it's just head-scratching. Especially when the character had a perfectly good costume to begin with.
Case in point, the Fantastic Four's Invisible Woman. Her costume got overhauled in the 90s, turned from sleek blue jumpsuit into basically a one-piece bathing suit with a 4-shaped boob window. At least it gave her a reason to turn invisible.
8 "The Crossing" Thor
Oh boy. So "The Crossing" was a big Avengers story from the 90s too complicated to get into. Essentially, the writers wanted to shake up the status quo and give the characters some redesigns. Thor was one of its victims. His classic Jack Kirby look was out and this... thing came in.
Jeez, what an eyesore. Halter top, straps, codpiece. It's '90s as heck. But the weirdest thing is that this costume only appeared on covers. In the books themselves, Thor just went shirtless all the time. Also not very practical.
7 Miniskirt Hawkeye
Hawkeyes has never had the best luck with costumes, but this one takes the cake. Clint Barton found this outfit in a circus trunk and it shows.
The miniskirt is bad enough (we only hope he's wearing something under it), but the top is no better. That plunging neckline along with being shirtless underneath means no protection from anything. Not too useful for someone headed into combat. Not to mention bare arms aren't much good to a gosh darn archer!
6 Skimpy Dagger
Skimpiness is a common curse of female superhero costumes. Practicality will be sacrificed in the name of titillation. Poor Dagger suffers from this more than most. Not only is her costume a body-hugging leotard, but it also has a giant cross shape cut out of the chest and torso.
The obvious question here is how those corners stay glued down while she's jumping all around, but there's a bigger issue here. Dagger's supposed to be a teenager and she's drawn like that. Yeah, no wonder the TV series didn't use this look.
5 Oversized Cable
Rob Liefeld's characters are almost a paradox. Their costumes are meant to be practical but are taken to such an extreme that they become impractical. Cable is his masterpiece in this regard.
Shoulder pads, bandoliers, and belts of pouches sound useful in theory. But Cable's versions of them are so oversized that they become cumbersome. Combined with Liefeld's art style, he doesn't even look like he can move in half the drawings of him he's so weighed down. There's such a thing as being too prepared.
4 Wonder Man
It says something about a guy when his best costume is still terrible. Yeah, Avengers mainstay Wonder Man has never had a good costume, but his safari jacket look from the 70s is considered his best. And yet, it's still impractical for him.
That jacket restricts his movement, doesn't protect against attacks, and is basically a winter coat. Wonder Man doesn't even need it, he's an energy being. If anything, that jacket just gets in his way. It doesn't even look good either.
3 Body Stocking Gamora
You know, for the "Most Dangerous Woman in the Galaxy", it took Gamora a while to get a decent outfit. In her earliest appearances, she wore what looked like a fishnet body-stocking with a plunging neckline and optional cape.
Granted, this was after Thanos augmented her with cybernetics, but seriously? She's an assassin, not a Vegas showgirl. Gamora's costumes continued in that vein until the Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Her more sensible movie outfit crossed over into the comics afterward.
2 Roller Skating Dazzler
Two words: Roller Skates. We'll give Dazzler's original costume some slack because it was supposed to match up with the disco fashions of the time. We can't fault the big lapels and bell-bottoms for being exactly like they were meant to. But we draw the line at Dazzler's roller skates.
Roller Disco might be a thing, but even for a disco superhero roller skates are a dumb thing to wear. Wheels on your feet are just a liability while fighting supervillains. Marvel agrees. They later gave Kitty Pryde skates to mock this outfit.
1 Penance
Impractical, thy name is Penance. Originally the superhero Speedball, Robbie Baldwin was overcome with guilt after his team accidentally caused a catastrophe, ending many lives. So he took on the new identity of Penance in the most extra way possible.
His new costume, a medieval-looking set of red and grey armor, was covered with spikes on the inside that stab him to activate his powers. Yeah. Putting aside the whole "getting stabbed on purpose" thing, his helmet also doesn't seem to have any eyeholes. How the heck do you fight without being able to see anything? Then again, how do you fight when you're constantly bleeding?