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Last Friday Night with the Godson

by  in Comic News Comment
Last Friday Night with the Godson

When our godson, six-year-old Phenix, comes to visit us, he is always very excited and pleased about it. He knows there will be movies and comics, sometimes even with pizza, and also he is allowed to play with the Corgi Batmobiles.

Phenix loves these. Ours aren't mint-in-the-box like in these photos or anything, they're loose and sitting on top of the TV. We actually have all sorts of Bat-toys here, none of which I purchased myself. They were gifts from friends who understand me.

However, it’s not all trashy movies and junk food. There is also Mentoring.

*

“Where’s Julie?”

“She went next door to get Chinese takeout.”

“How come? Doesn’t she like pizza?”

“Sometimes she does but she had a hard day today. Her boss was kind of mean and made her feel bad. So I decided she should have Chinese food. That makes her feel better. It’s called comfort food. That’s what married people do, they try to be nice after a hard day. If it was me that had the hard day Julie would be taking me out to get my favorite.”

“But why are we getting pizza?”

“I knew you wouldn’t eat Chinese food and we promised your mother we would get nutrients into your body. Pizza is easier than holding you down and making you take a half-bottle of vitamins. So when our pizza’s ready we’ll go next door and get Julie and her Chinese takeout and be on our way.”

Pause.

“I could have eaten chicken nuggets.”

“You can’t ALWAYS have chicken nuggets. You need to change it up a little. There’s more food out there than Lunchables. Anyway, the pizza place is right next to the Chinese place. This way Julie can have what she wants and you and I can have pizza. Everybody’s happy.”

Pause.

“Does Superman eat?”

“Sometimes. He can eat and drink when he wants to. He doesn’t really need to though, I think he just is being polite. He gets his powers from sunshine.”

To be fair, it's not ALWAYS politeness. Sometimes Superman eats and drinks just to be a dick.

“Superman gets his powers from the sunshine?”

“Yeah. Krypton had a red sun, but here on Earth we orbit a G-type star, a yellow sun, and that makes a Kryptonian super.”

Pause.

“So if Superman was naked he could get more powers.”

“Well, technically, he might be able to. I’m not sure. But Superman wouldn’t sunbathe naked, I don’t think. It would be rude. I think he would at least wear a swimsuit.”

Pause.

“I bet Luthor would sunbathe naked.”

“He probably would. He’s a libertine.”

“What’s that?”

“Uh… somebody who chases girls and sunbathes naked.”

Phenix nodded, satisfied. After a moment, he asked, “Where did Mama go tonight?”

“She’s at a gallery opening downtown.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, when an artist makes a bunch of new art to hang in a museum or a gallery, they throw a big party and invite a bunch of people to drink wine and eat cheese and look at the new art.”

“And Mama is at the party?”

“Uh-huh. But she knew you would be bored, and the gallery didn’t have Lunchables. So she went to the party and you get to hang out with us and eat pizza and watch movies with things that blow up. Everybody wins.”

This pleased him. “Will there be explosions AND machine guns?”

“I bet we could find something with explosions and machine guns and even monsters.”

“AWESOME!”

One of these things is AWESOME. I think we all know which one.

Pause.

“If Mama’s party had explosions I bet more people would go.”

“Kiddo, I have been to a lot of gallery openings and I agree. In fact, there are people there that probably need some serious exploding.”

“They need Steve McGarrett! He could book them and shoot them!”

“No, no. We talked about this. Steve shoots them OR he books them. There’s no point in arresting a dead man.”

“It would be cool if he took the dead guys to jail anyway though. ‘Here’s a dead man and you can put him in jail now.’ Ha!”

Pause.

“Can we watch Steve McGarrett after we get the pizza?”

“Sure. We could even try the new one, it’s in the On Demand list. I think you might like it. There’s more explosions. No Wo Fat though.”

“That was awesome when Steve beat up Wo Fat.”

“Steve McGarrett is all about being awesome. In fact really the only thing anyone knows about his character is his awesomeness.”

Pause.

“What if Luthor teamed up with Wo Fat?”

“That would be pretty scary.”

Fear the Legion of Bald Doom!

“Would Superman and Steve have to team up?”

“That’s a good question. What do you think?”

Phenix considered this. “I think Superman could do it by himself.”

“Probably, but I think he would let McGarrett help. Superman works with the police.”

“And he wouldn’t want to make Steve feel bad!”

“I think you’re right. Hey, pizza’s ready.”

We took the pizza out to the sidewalk where Julie was waiting. “Are you men all set?” she asked.

“We have pizza and now we are going to go watch the new McGarrett!” Phenix said proudly.

Julie looked at me. “Are you sure that’s not too violent for him?”

“It’s Hawaii Five-O, not Full Metal Jacket or Hamburger Hill or something. It’s practically a cartoon. Anyway, he wanted machine guns.”

Julie looked at Phenix. “Is that true?”

Phenix nodded emphatically. “Machine guns are awesome!”

Julie looked at me. I shrugged. “Hey, he said it. It’s not like I offered to buy him one.”

Phenix perked up at that.

I added quickly, “Don’t even ask, youngster. I’m already in trouble.”

Julie just shook her head. “I’m scared to leave you two alone now.”

“As his godparents, we are responsible for his education.”

Julie said to Phenix, “You understand that you shouldn’t use violence to solve your problems, right?”

Phenix looked a little depressed for a moment. Then he brightened. “Unless you are Steve McGarrett! Then you can book them and shoot them!”

“PHENIX!” Julie was horrified.

“I mean you book them OR shoot them,” Phenix amended.

I was so proud.

*

See you next week.

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