Issue #20

We're going to try something a little different this week. I've got something I need to get off my chest. So this week you get to read my open letter to GOD. I hope he's watching.

Dear God,

I know I haven't asked you for much... nothing major, anyway. I mean, some help here, a little boost there. Nothing major. And it doesn't count if you don't answer my request, right? So that thing about winning the lottery doesn't count. Well, anyway... I've got a request to make, and I know that you may still be just a little bit pissed about the whole "Battle Pope" thing but hey, you've got a sense of humor right? Man, I hope so.

I mean, that book isn't quite as mean-spirited as most people think it is. It really isn't an attack on religion. I think religion is just fine. It's just supposed to be silly, maybe a little offensive, yes, but all in the effort to entertain. It's certainly not supposed to be taken seriously. But I'm not here to talk about "Battle Pope."

I'm here to talk about "The Transporter."

Yeah... the movie. The one with Jason Statham as Frank Martin: Super Driver. You know, the one with the ending fight scene that takes place in the cab of a moving truck. I'm sure you've seen it. If not, go watch it real quick, it's a hoot. I'm sure you'll dig it the most.


See, that was cool wasn't it? I mean, it had some goofy parts, but for the most part it was a kick-ass display of mindless action and fighting. I think everyone needs to see a movie like this every so often to remind themselves not to take everything so seriously. Sometimes it's cool to watch a movie that doesn't make a whole lot of sense but is entertaining as all get out.

Did you know there was a sequel? Yes, really. Don't play dumb with me, I know you're all-knowing and all seeing. It just came out on DVD last week. Check it out.

Yeah, the first one is a little better, but just a little.

I like the second one, God. I really do. It's got some wacky action sequences and about a billion things that could never really happen in real life but that's what I like

about it. I think both of these movies are brilliant. As I get older, I'm starting to notice more and more that I enjoy a movie that doesn't make me think. It's the equivalent of rattling keys in front of a baby. It's just a symphony of motion and noise that brings the viewer enjoyment for no discernable reason.

For every "Syriana" I like (and I liked "Syriana" a lot) there's three our four "Transporters" I like, too. That doesn't make me any less intelligent or refined. There's nothing wrong with enjoying explosions. Not everything has to have a completely coherent plot, right? Sometimes things can just exist to be fun and entertaining and there's nothing wrong with that.

Sorry, I know you're a very busy deity, I didn't mean to ramble on like this. The request. I need to get on with the request.

Can you please do whatever you have to do to ensure that there is a "Transporter 3?"

I know you've got a lot going on, but I'm sure it wouldn't take much effort. The second movie made a fair bit of scratch. Hell, it could already be a sure bet. You'd get credit from me even if it would have been made without the request. That'd be pretty cool, right?

So hook me up, man. I want to follow more of the zany adventures of Frank Martin and his super car. I want to watch him blow things up and jump real high, because dammit, I've got enough going on in my life and don't need to think real hard during movies to enjoy them. I like movies that show me pretty colors and make loud noises.

That's not much, really. New movies are being made every day, it shouldn't be too hard to make sure that one of them is "Transporter 3." You'd make this guy a very happy person.

While I've got your attention, God... check out some of these sweet jpegs and see what you can do about getting a few more people to BUY MY BOOKS.

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