Nell was a schoolteacher way out westBut she gave up teaching. She like diddlin' best
Now it was a standing bet in our home townThere were no two men black or brown
That could frog old Nell and hold her down'Til one day there strode into the barWild and wooly Piss Pot Pete
Fresh off the range from diddlin' sheepPisspot laid his John upon the barThe old folks say that it reached from thar to thar.
Pete yelled for a bottle then turned as he spokeSpent a year on the range with a rusty load in my poke
I've palmed a few batches on the hill where I satChanged hands and gained a stroke -- caught it in my hat
On a cold winter's nights, I go to bed with the sheepThen leave my John soak til the shit is knee deap.
Now I want a gal, no two bit whoreShe must be a good one who knows all the score
There's only one woman any good I hear tellShe's a hustling chippy a bitch called Nell
Now just the sound of that name brought a hush over those wallsThe only noise in the room was Pete scratching his balls
So you want old Nell, said a voice from the door.Well that's what I'm called. I'm that old whore
I hear you are here bragging. I know your sortThere won't be any price. We'll do it for sport
But I'll take a bet -- anything you can name --Mine against your and only one winner in the game
It's a deal said Pete and the croud gave a hollarThen the betting begain. No odds. Dollar for Dollar.
They all shook hands and the bets were madeFor Pete and Nell to screw and sparUp on the hill behind the bar
When the day arrived thousands fought for a seatJust to see that half-bread hide his meat
A shout arrose when the half-breed cameDressed and ready for that deadly game
Nell came out and the croud gave a cheerFor on Nells face there was a snear
For this little old shriveled manThat dared to brag he could frog her can
They turned and sparred twisted and sweezedFirst one then the other upon their knees
Fought and fought for hours and hoursTore down trees, grass and flowers
The sneer was gone from old Nell's panAll her thoughts were on her can
Neither smiled; neither spokeSuddenly Nell missed a strokeAnd Pisspot nailed her as she broke
The ground was torn for miles aroundwhere poor Nell's ass had drug the ground
Nell died that day all broken and toreThey hung her pants on the craphouse door.Poor, poor Nell
In Fantastic Four #38, Pete took on a new villain name, the Trapster!
Thanks for the suggestion, David! If anyone else has a suggestion for a future Foggy Ruins of Time, drop me a line at email@example.com!