The internet does not take a holiday. The internet waits for no man. The internet has fist-bumped Jesus and hidden 40 plastic eggs filled with candy, money, and scorpions in the post you are about to read.
ITEM! So you may have heard that Barry Allen rolled that rock right out of the way and got himself a resurrection. Tucker Stone doesn't think that's a good thing:
The thing is--that audience that feels they own these characters? Those people who slab comics and buy variant covers? That's the only audience that exists for Flash: Rebirth. This isn't designed to get anybody into the Flash who isn't already well-versed in the universe.... This is a delivery system for an expectation that no one but old people had. This isn't a comic book.
ALSO! Tim O'Neil doesn't seem to be a fan of Barry Allen's return, either:
The only people old enough to actually have any kind of relationship with the character of Barry Allen are over thirty-five. So, for many people, the nostalgia for Barry Allen isn't just nostalgia, it's nostalgia for someone else's nostalgia.
AND AGAIN! David Uzumeri at Funnybook Babylon also reviews the first issue of Flash: Rebirth, and finds it wanting:
[T]he story’s artifice began to override its momentum. For a book ostensibly about speed, I found it very difficult to get caught up in the momentum and flow of its story, especially not when it was so obvious with its themes and subtext.... The problem is that this subtext and the actual text are so close together that the story suffers as a result...
ET AL! David Brothers of 4thletter! shares a fond remembrance of Frank Miller's much-maligned and underrated Dark Knight Strikes Again and drops the truthiest truth ever while he's at it:
It wasn’t Hal Jordan or Barry Allen. They were secondary to the real charm of the Silver Age. The true draw was the new ideas. It was people in costumes doing awesome things.... This is why Silver Age nostalgia trips bug me. I don’t care about Barry Allen or Hal Jordan. They are not why I like the Flash or Green Lantern. They’re icing on the cake, but the cake is made up of “Flash Facts” and giant green supermodels catching airplanes.... Miller knows that you can’t bring back the Silver Age by digging up its bones and making it do a dance for you. Doing exciting and new things with these dusty old icons is the only way to make them interesting.
That's not all his post is about, of course. Read, reader!
DA FUG! Jeff Lester gives us this fascinating review-of-sorts of Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #1 over at the Savage Critics:
[I]t's probably for the best to have only the original miniseries and the the promised sequel never to arrive, so that a reader had no choice but to return to the original story again and again until they'd suddenly realize that the first volume of Seaguy was the sequel, and that they, the readers, were the true slaves of Mickey Eye.
But don't worry, he liked it.
I YI YI! Speaking of Seaguy-- well, I still haven't read it. But the Mindless Ones have, and they've provided these sexy "annocommentations" for most of the first issue. More to come! The folks at Mindless Ones have also interviewed sexy Seaguy artist Cameron Stewart about his influences, collaborators, style, and future plans.
BANGERS 'N MASH! Better than the second coming! Chris Sims, he of the Invincible Super-Blog, presents the first installment of his new online comic, The Chronicles of Solomon Stone! Written by Sims, drawn by Matthew Allen Smith, lettered by Benjamin Birdie. Thrill to the latest case of the half-vampire private detective skateboard champion! It's a comic that literally can't be printed, because the awesome would cause the book to either melt or burst into flames upon contact with human flesh:
REMAKE/REMODEL! You know the drill, right? This week it's Irma Vep vs. Captain Justice, a crazed Whitechapel Team-Up of two previously remade/remodeled characters. Here's a collaboration between Edwin (art) and Paul Sizer (colors):
KICKIN' THREADS! Project Rooftop reveals the honorable mentions in their Batman 2.0 redesign contest. I actually like a few of these more than some of the winners/runners-up.
ICEBERG, DEAD AHEAD! The Beat has posted the respective month-to-month sales-and-commentary charts for Marvel and DC. This particular comment, from Mark Clapham in the DC thread, caused me to laugh the laugh of the damned:
Towards the bottom end of the chart it would be cheaper to phone the remaining readers individually and tell them the story than go through the expense of producing actual issues.
FE FI FO FUM! I want Chris Bird to write Doctor Strange if only so we can meet Fin Fang Fear. Flaming skeleton dragon thing from before time? Yeah, we need one of those. It speaks to the most basic desires of man.
NOT COMICS DEPT: "Andy Rooney" reviews the Fast & the Fourious, or whatever that thing's called. Comedy!