Pig-Iron and Fastback are in the Z-Building's fantastic gymnasium. Pig-Iron is lifting a barbell with a solid ton of weight on each end. Little Cheese sits on Pig-Iron's shoulder, as Alley-Kat-Abra and Yankee Poodle watch with only a passing interest.
PIG-IRON: I gotta add more weight. I can't even feel this no more! Or maybe I should loosen up with some Tae Boa.
FASTBACK: Y'all might want to consider some bearobics.Ah think your Christmas hams are getting' a mite plump!
PIG IRON: Oh, yeah? Well, c'mere, ya teensy tortoise, and let me lay my dainty pig's feet on ya fer a minute!
YANKEE POODLE: Oh, but the turtle is right, dahling…you really could use a tripe-o-suction.
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: I wonder if I could lift that much weight using my ANTric magic?
RUBBERDUCK: Let's face it…there's no point in working out right now. I might as well be over in Follywood making another blockbuzzard movie…We haven't fought a villain in ages!
LITTLE CHEESE: Not since MAD COW. Man, that guy was diseased! I guess we just have the villain community running like three blind…I don't know. But three blind SOMETHING!
YANKEE POODLE: (to Rubberduck) * snort * …I don't know, dahling. I saw you in CARIBOUgie Knights-- I think I like you better hanging out here than making movies! You haven't made a good picture since ARMADILLOGEDDON!
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: Gosh, Y.P.! You're such a bitch!
YANKEE POODLE: Meow meow, dearie!
Captain Carrot bounds into the room…
CAPTAIN CARROT: All right, quadrupeds! Let's go…we have an emergency at the Los Alamoose Observatory! Something BIG. To the CARROTMOBILE, everyone!
YANKEE POODLE: Well, my GOODNESS, Captain! Is it a robbery?
CAPTAIN CARROT: No, Y.P. It's an ALIEN INVASION!
SOON OUR BRAVE FURRY FRIENDS ARRIVE TO FIND the wreckage of A GARGANTUAN SPACECRAFT where the observatory once stood. There are NO OBSERVATORY PERSONNEL ANYWHERE AT THE SCENE!
FASTBACK: Ah did what y'all said and took a peek inside the hatch, Cap, an' far as ah can tell, it looks like a big hangar bay inside, with these big things that look like eggs, only twenny times bigger!
CAPTAIN CARROT: All right…someone needs to go inside and check these out. We have to assume these creatures are hostile, so…
RUBBERDUCK: Send Pig-Iron! Ham goes well with eggs!
PIG-IRON: Pipe down, Pipsqueak!
CAPTAIN CARROT: No, he's right. You have the best chance if there's a sneak attack, Pig-Iron. Take Yankee Poodle as back-up. Be careful, guys!
Soon after Pig-Iron and Yankee Poodle go inside, the remaining members of the Zoo Crew hear their terrible cries from INSIDE the SPACESHIP!!!
Yip yip yip!!!
CAPTAIN CARROT: Pig-Iron! We got here as fast as we could! What happened? What's that on Yankee Poodle's FACE? LEAPIN' LETTUCE!
PIG IRON: No, I think it's more like some kinda huge leapin' INSECT! I turned my back for a second, and when I turned back around, this THING was stuck to her head! Oh, by the Great Zookeeper! She ain't breathin'! I think she's…I think she's DEAD, Cap!
CAPTAIN CARROT: Beaver DAMMIT! I TOLD her to wear her Flea & Tick collar!
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: And look at what she did on the FLOOR! Bad dog! Bad doggie!
CAPTAIN CARROT: All right, quickly, Zoo Crew! Let's try Cardio-pulminary rhesus-itation! Pig-Iron, you take that thing off her face…carefully! Rubberduck, you open her uniform and I'll give her mouth-to-muzzle …GO!
RUBBERDUCK: EW!! She has eight nipples! EWW!!!
SUDDENLY, A HIDEOUS, SNARLING ALIEN APPEARS AND GRIPS CAPTAIN CARROT WITH ITS RAZOR-TIPPED PREHENSILE TAIL! IT'S SIX-CLAWED HAND EFFORTLESSLY SMASHES FASTBACK INTO THE BULKHEAD OF THE GREAT SHIP, WHERE HE LIES DREADFULLY STILL!
RUBBERDUCK: That thing WAXED the TURTLE!
LITTLE CHEESE: (Weeping…) Oh, game over! We're TOAST, man! Oh, man! We're not gonna make it! Oh, sweet Cheese-us!!!
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: Pig-Iron! LOOK OUT!
BUT THE WARNING COMES TOO LATE, AS ANOTHER HIDEOUS FACE-HUGGER EJECTS ITSELF FROM ITS EGG TO GLUE ITSELF ONTO THE NOBLE METAL PIG'S HUMBLE MUG…
LITTLE CHEESE: Oh, man! We're totally SHREWed!
RUBBERDUCK: KILL IT, CAP! KILL THE ALIEN BEFORE IT KILLS US ALL!
Captain Carrot struggles mightily against the beast, finally working a hand free to rip the beast's tail apart…unaware that the beast's highly corrosive blood will spray all those within spattering distance…
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: AAAAAAAhhhh! It burns!!!
LITTLE CHEESE:(Retreating within himself…) I'm just a little mouse…he can't see me…the big monster can't see me…
THE ENRAGED BEAST RUNS, SPEWING ACID FROM ITS INJURED TAIL, RIGHT TOWARDS THE ELASTIC WATERFOWL, WHO IS PARALYZED WITH TERROR!
CAPTAIN CARROT: R.D.! LOOK OUT!!! IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR YOU!!
RUBBERDUCK: Oh, motherduck!
RUBBERDUCK: Oh…oh.it's got two mouths…oh, no…
CAPTAIN CARROT: Great Groundhogs! It got Rubberduck! It de-carp-etated him! Everyone's down but me, and I don't think I can handle that thing alone!
PIG-IRON: Yer NOT alone, CAP! That face-huggin' thing fell off my face somehow. I'm with ya, Cap! We're Earth-C's last hope…so let's quit yakkin' an' KILL that stinkin' piece of Shih Tzu!
CAPTAIN CARROT: All right! If we die, we die FIGHTING like ANIMALS!!!
CAPTAIN CARROT AND PIG-IRON BRAVELY THROW THEMSELVES AT THE HIDEOUS, ACID-SPEWING CREATURE!!!
AFTER A TREMENDOUS AND VICIOUS COMBAT, A VICTORIOUS BUT SEVERELY BATTLE-SCARRED CAPTAIN CARROT BENDS DOWN TO HOLD THE HEAD OF ALLEY-KAT-ABRA, WHO IS HIDEOUSLY BURNED…
ALLEY-KAT-ABRA: …cap…never got to…find out…if we could…cross-breed…goodbye, cap…I always…lo…*
CAPTAIN CARROT: (Crying…) Catnap in peace, little kitty. May you go to the Zookeeper through a universe of squeaky toys and big balls of yarn…
FASTBACK: Gawrsh, Cap…ah'm sorry to intrude an' all, but ah need some medical attention right away, and Pig-Iron ain't lookin' too good, and ah think Li'l Cheese might need to go to a loon-ey house, or somethin'…
LITTLE CHEESE: Hehehh! That thing put the cat to sleep! Heheheheh! We'll have to bury her in a cardboard box in the back yard! Heheheheh!
PIG IRON: Urk.
CAPTAIN CARROT: Pig-Iron! What's the matter?
PIG IRON: It's my STOMACH! It HURTS! Urk…ulp!
A vicious, blind and bloody snake-like Alien bursts from the mammoth pig's stomach, killing him instantly as his blood splatters the spaceship floor…
CAPTAIN CARROT and FASTBACK: PIG-IRON!!!
CAPTAIN CARROT: Ugh! Chitluns everywhere!
FASTBACK: Uh…ah'm not as good as y'all with the puns. Maybe somethin' about bacon or pork chops or somethin'?
LITTLE CHEESE: hehhehhe…looks like Pork Bellies are rising! Hahahahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHHAHHHHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAAAA!