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Dear Superman,


You dont know me but I'm your number #1 fan. Mrs. Klopper showed a tape of you at my school and since then I have drawn about a million drawings of you, some in crayon some with markers.

I think your really INSPIRING.

That time when you fought Metallo and you frozed him with your super breath was so awesome I cant beleve it. You lifted him up like he was a fether. THAT IS AWESOME! I bet he weighed 80,000 tons!

I have pictures of you all over my room and a poster over my bunkbed. I have the lower bunk because its easier to get in and out. My stupid brother Dylan has the top bunkbed and he thinks Green Lantern is better! That is just wack.

I asked my mom to make me a Superman costume and I wore it all the time and pretend I was you. I liked to pretend that I was from Krypton which is your home planet, remember?

That is a LOT of fun.

Sometimes I make Dylan dress up as Metallo by covering him with Reynolds wrap but he cries and my mom gets mad at me for waste. She says kids in China dont have ANY Reynolds wrap. So I told her maybe we should send them OUR Reynolds wrap and she said she was having a migrane.

I'm going to save the renolds wrap because thats what you would do I bet.

Dylan says he'd rather play a Power Rangers or a Pokemon but that shows how dumb he is as if you would fight Squirtle!

When my mom is taking a nap because of her migrane I sometimes play on the roof and jump to the big tree in our back yard.

I guess I was playing too hard though cause I jumped off the house and fell on one of moms lawn gnomes.

It hurt a lot at first but not for very long. I was worried mom would be mad about her lawn gnome but she just cried a lot until the ambulance came.

Anyway she doesnt let me wear the costume anymore but I still think your great!


Dear Superman,


A letter from you and a picture!


I like what you wrote at the bottom about keeping my chin up. I didnt know what that meant til I asked the therapist and she said it meant to stay in a positive mood. Wow! That is so awesome that you'd send me a picture!

I do try to stay in a positive mood except when Tracy at school makes fun of me but thats okay. I still like to make Dylan dress in Reynolds wrap. Take that Metallo!

And I like the letter too.

My mom says thats a form letter but shes wack! She doesnt know that you can do ANYTHING.

Anyway, I know your real busy and all but when do I get my new legs please?

Your #1 fan,


Dear Superman,



And I love the special treat you sent. The "S" symbol in real metal. Wow! Did you carve that with your heat vision I bet you did! Wow! Wow! Wow!

Even my MOM quit saying bad things about you for a while at least! I TOLD her that you read your mail! She didnt beleve me! She does now!

Thank you for all the nice things you said. I DO listen to my mom and I DO eat my vegetables dont worry about that. And I do try to do the therapy but its hard sometimes. Even my mom said thats good advice.

So if I do all the stuff you say youll bring me my new legs, right?

AWESOME! Im going to ask for EXTRA vegetables for dinner!



Dear Superman,

Thank you for your new letter. The picture of the Justice Leage is great. And thank you for the tiny diamond you squeezed from a lump of coal. Mom likes it a lot.

I've been eating my vegetables. A LOT.

Can I have my new legs now?


Dear Superman,

You already sent this picture once. It said the same thing "Dear friend, Thank you for the kind words. Keep up the never-ending battle! Signed, Superman."

Now I have two I guess. Thanks.

Mom says more diamonds would be great. She also says shes single which is true. Dylan asks if you know Green Lantern.

Im still eating extra vegetables.


Dear Superman,

Thanks for the diamond again. I put it on the pile with the others. Thanks for the stuffed krypto. I gave that to Dylan.

I have to go. Mom told me to write.


Dear Superman,

Im not writing to you anymore.


Dear Superman,

YOU CAME! I cant believe you came to my house! AWESOME!

It was so amazing to fly! The great wall was so cool! And seeing the polar bears! And then seeing Mrs Klopper faint when we flew in the window! Sorry but that was funny.

Even stupid TRACY shut up. That was the best part!

I understand what you said that you cant do everything so I have to try for myself with the therapy. I promise I'll try.

And thanks also for the little statue of Green Lantern that GL made from his ring for Dylan. I made mom run out and buy more Reynolds wrap right away. Dylan can be fun sometimes.

He thinks Green Lantern is the best.

Thats just WACK.

Your #1 fan,


Dedicated to a brave young man I know who likes Superman a lot.



You'll All Be Sorry! is a satire published by Comic Book Resources, and is not intended maliciously. CBR has invented all names and situations in its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Hustler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485 US 46, 108 S.Ct 876, 99 L.Ed.2d 41 (1988)). CBR makes no representation as to the truth or accuracy of the preceeding information.

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