Someone mentioned this old bit from last year to me the other day, and I thought it was funny enough to share it with you folks on the new blog. It is a super serious conversation that my pal Jake and I had over the "revelation" last year that Ultimate Colossus was a homosexual.
Warning: Profanity follows! Otherwise...
ULTIMATE COLOSSUS IS GAY?!?!?
Jake: IT TOTALLY RUINS THE COMIC!!!
Everyone knows that a big, strong, masculine MAN like COLOSSSUS can't be GAY!
It's so STUPID!
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUIN MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS???
Brian: Not only that.
I mean, THAT'S bad, but here's what's worse.
IT'S A FUCKING ALL AGES COMIC BOOK!!
How is Ultimate X-Men NOT a MAX title...there's a goddamn HOMO in the book!!!
Brian: Actually, fuck THAT!!
MAX is not a good enough warning sign, as MAX could mean some nice lady boobies, which is good.
Marvel should have a NEW warning system for their comics!
A big Q for QUEER!
THAT would help me buy my comics and help warn the poor children who have to get exposed to this FILTH!!
Jake: FUCK ALL THAT!
The comic should be BANNED and not sold ANYWHERE until they make the MASCULINE, MANLY COLOSSUS STRAIGHT LIKE HE SHOULD BE!!
Brian: THINK ABOUT IT!
The dude is made out of METAL!
The most ungay thing in all of God's creation!!
Jake: GOD CREATED COLOSSUS TO BE STRAIGHT AND MANLY AND HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN LIKE KITTY PRYDE.
I just can't accept anything GAY like that!! It's not what I want to see!!
Brian: Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!
It's Piotr and Katya, not Piotr and Logan!!!
Thank you, folks, good night!