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Deadpool's Goofiest Fights Ever, Ranked

We are not sure if you guys have noticed, but Deadpool gets into a lot of fights. Is it because he’s such a constant motormouth? Maybe. Is it because he’s got nothing to lose? Maybe. Is it because he’s a mercenary who soldiers for personal profit? Oh, yes, quite definitely. Fighting has been part of the Marvel Universe for .. forever! And so, we shouldn’t be surprised when a superhero – even one of as questionable a moral code as Deadpool – gets into a lot of physical altercations. And yet we do! Maybe our parents were right and we should have spent more time outdoors when we were children.

In any event, there is simply no denying that out of all the colorful characters inhabiting the Marvel Universe, Deadpool is more likely to engage in some of the wildest and most outlandish brawls. His extremely potent healing factor, his off-the-charts fighting skills, and his twisted and omnipresent sense of humor all make for a delightfully bloody mix when it comes to fisticuffs. There are always plenty of characters willing and able to fight, but many of them just want to get on with their day if they can. Those that are really out there looking for a fight are very serious about it and crack very few jokes. So Deadpool is a nice in-between. Join us now as we recall some of Deadpool’s craziest, goofiest, and simply rather out-there fights! Or we will be forced to resort to physical intimidation! Or find and pay someone large and powerful enough to do so! Either way!

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15 ID, THE SELFISH MOON

Id is the tiny, more destructive if admittedly more fun relative of Ego, the Living Planet. Living for years in the shadow of Ego, Id (Is he related to Star-Lord? No word yet on that retcon.) broke away from Ego in search of a party, destroying planets and then snorting the debris, like a Tony Montana of the cosmos.

Enter Canada’s second favorite hero. Deadpool, out in the stars wreaking his own brand of havoc, lured Id to the planet U-235, comprised almost entirely of that same radioactive element. Once Id destroyed and then snorted the planet, the U-235 reacted with the nuclear bomb Deadpool had planted in Id, leading to perhaps the most cataclysmic overdose of all time.

14 J. JONAH JAMESON 2099

J. Jonah Jameson

During the events of Civil War II (unofficial subtitle: Ulysses Boogaloo), Miguel O’Hara found himself in the year 2099 pitted against John Jonah Jameson, former publisher of The Daily Bugle and current chief executive officer of Alchemax. Turns out he was, unbeknownst even to himself, a skrull! Happens to the best of us.

Once this storyline unwinds and we find this out, Deadpool shows up and puts J.J.J. out of his misery (or so it is heavily implied). This isn’t Wade Wilson but rather his estranged daughter with his vampiric ex-wife, who is a lot like her dear old dad in that she is willing, even eager, to dispatch a skrull, even if (especially if?) he still looks like a frumpy old man.

13 FLAG-SMASHER

This was not Karl Morgenthau, the original Flag-Smasher, nor even the subsequent F.S., Guy Thierrault, but rather Carl, a member of U.L.T.I.M.A.T.U.M. who was sick and tired of his organization being unwilling to take the Merc with the Mouth head-on. So he targeted Thierrault in the head and usurped his lead.

Carl, in his blind thirst for revenge, brought Wade’s other daughter Ellie into this mess, at which point he may as well just have turned the gun on himself. Instead, he fought on against Wade, whom he considered to be frivolous and easily handled; that is, until right before Wade put a massive hole where his face used to be.

12 HIS PARENTS

Who among us hasn’t wanted to fight with their parents at least once in their lives? Things are a bit different when you’re a government-trained killing machine who is practically immortal, yes, but the spirit of the thing remains.

The diabolical Butler, formerly of the Weapon Plus program and in a desperate bid to cure his sister of cancer, at one point had Deadpool under his complete control with mind-wipe drugs. He commands Wade to burn down the home of Thomas and Hailey Wilson while they were still inside. Wade eventually had his revenge on the Butler and even now has no memory of any of this after his most recent brain-wipe. This should make Thanksgiving less awkward anyway.

11 THE HULK

Like many clowns and cut-ups, Wade Wilson has a deep self-destructive streak. During writer Daniel Way’s run, Deadpool spent a good deal of time trying to write the end to the book himself. He even goes so far as to enlist the Incredible Hulk to do so, which seems like a good idea -- but then again, no.

Wade decides the best way to really motivate Hulk is not through constructive criticism and positive reinforcement, but rather through setting off two nuclear weapons in his face. It does seem like that will get Wade what he wants, except he didn’t account for the daycare center next door. Oops. Wade then has to save the kids while not saving himself. He got half of that done, anyway.

10 OUR NATION’S FIRST PRESIDENT

Long before anyone else could make a true mockery of the office, there was the initial run on the third volume of Deadpool, written by Gerry Duggan and stand-up comedian Brian Posehn, wherein Wade was forced to fight the undead Presidents of the United States of America.

“But CBR,” we hear you cry, “Why focus on this one particular undead President that Wade was forced to dispatch when there must be at least three or four other undead Presidents to choose from?” Well, simply put because once Wade beheads Georgie-boy, he then punts said head into the crotch of the Lincoln monument. Try and top that for goofiness.

9 HOWARD THE DUCK

Howard the Duck

As the title might imply, Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe is full to bursting with all sorts of Wade-induced mayhem, which leaves many, many, many denizens of the Marvel Universe much worse off than when they began. And again, as you might guess, things get very bizarre. Case in point, the brief appearance of Howard the Duck in this series shows him all dressed up and ready for dinner.

Howard (or a version of him, anyway) also makes an appearance in the aforementioned Deadpool Kills Deadpool series as Deadpool the Duck. We suppose the argument could be made that this is the Duckworld version of Deadpool, not the Deadpool version of Howard the Duck. It’s really a duck/egg dilemma. Either way, he perishes. Surprised?

8 THE PUNISHER

One of the positive spins on a series like Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe – you know, to counteract watching all your childhood favorites get mercilessly ended by a character you also like – is that you also see characters who might not normally cross paths get to appear together.

Take the issue, for example, when Frank Castle tries to put a stop to Wade’s grossly homicidal spree. He attempts to snipe Wade from a very smart distance, only to find that he had eliminated the Puppet Master instead! But the Puppet Master is a Fantastic Four villain, this is quite the surprise meeting! Anyway, they both end up in an unfortunate demise.

7 WOLVERINE

It’s truly a shame when countrymen fight amongst one another, but it’s sometimes unavoidable, especially in funnybooks that are more or less exclusively created to depict powerful people beating the poop out of one another. Wade and Wolverine have run afoul of one another more than a few times (or should we say “a-fun of each other”?!? You’re right, we should not).

Wade was once tasked to end Wolverine in a convoluted attempt to draw Daken, Wolverine’s estranged son, out of hiding. What follows is a regular Roadrunner cartoon of a story arc, up to and including Wolverine having a piano dropped on him. Happily, everything all works out in the end, mostly in that both fellows meet their makers a couple times. It’s fun!

6 THE UNDEAD ACOLYTES

Zombies were all the rage in the mid to late 00’s, if you’ll recall, and no one was safe, not even X-villains from the ‘90s that no one had really missed very much. Yes, Fabian Cortez and his Acolytes returned during Necrosha, and boy, do they regret that.

At first, Wade was thrilled to fight some opponents that also could not perish – it really gave him a chance to break out his entire arsenal. Even so, Cortez and co. handed Wade a severe beating. That is until Loa tried to help and ended up molecularly disassembling them. Never let it be said that Deadpool doesn’t know when to let a teenage girl fight his fights for him.

5 COLOSSUS

Ultimate Colossus

The 2016 film Deadpool introduced one of the more unlikely buddy cop team-ups we ever expected to see: Russian golden (er…silver) boy Piotr “Colossus” Rasputin and Canadian man-child Wade “Wade Wilson” Deadpool. Movie audiences the world over were delighted by the back-and-forth between these two, but did you know that Wade was defeated Colossus three (3) times? Comics are fun!

Two of these fatalities were sadly(?) off-panel. The Deadpool of Earth-1036 became a mutant hunter, and among his many trophies is Petey’s dismembered hand; in Deadpool: Killustrated, we briefly see Colossus’s lifeless corpse among many others. But in Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe (natch), we get to see Wade kill one of the most likable heroes ever! Won’t see that in Deadpool 3 (fingers crossed).

4 DEATHSTROKE

From the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it file, we have this unsanctioned crossover (well, more unsanctioned than Deadpool’s actual creation, at least). At this point in the character’s history, Wade likely has a body count higher than even the tobacco industry, counting folks outside the prime Marvel Universe, into the vast multiverse, and even a brief foray into the Distinguished Competition’s territory.

For those not in the know, it’s long been something of a point of contention that Deadpool is either an homage or a rip-off of DC’s Deathstroke character. So this sly wink by creators Cullen Bunn and Salva Espin in Deadpool Kills Deadpool #4 hopefully didn’t upset Marv Wolfman and George Pérez too much.

3 MANY, MANY DIFFERENT DEADPOOLS

The above hat-tip to DC’s supervillainy takes place in the limited series Deadpool Kills Deadpool, and brother, that title isn’t taken figuratively. Since all Deadpools across the multiverse are the only ones who realize that they are fictional characters, one of the Deadpools has surmised, to destroy all of them would be to destroy the multiverse. Why does almost every Deadpool agree and attempt to help this Dreadpool? Because it’s comics, silly!

Deadpools killed in this series include but are by no means limited to: Pandapool, a M.O.D.O.K. ‘pool, a Devil Dinosaur ‘pool, Deadpool the Duck (see above), a Horseman of the Apocalypse ‘pool, a 5 Ronin ‘pool, and an Iron Man ‘pool.

2 WADE WILSON

“Wait, CBR, what the huh?” we hear you cry, “You already did the different Deadpools (not to mention this device where you speak for the audience)!” First of all, yes, how astute of you on both counts. But you will take care to notice that we specifically stated Wade Wilson for this entry, and not Deadpool. What’s the diff? Read on, MacDuff!

Way back in the ‘90s, a nice young couple named Mercedes and Wade T. Wilson found a young fellow named ‘Jack’ on their Maine vacation estate. ‘Jack’ repaid their kindness to him by making Wade a widower and then stealing his identity. Wade T. Wilson went on to became Deadpool’s first archnemesis, T-Ray! Does this origin contradict others? You bet! It’s goofy stuff!

1 ADOLPH HITLER

Say what you will about Deadpool, at least he defeated Hitler. Again, he’s actually ended Hitler's life at least a couple times, but we’re of the frank opinion that one cannot defeat Hitler too many times. There was the issue of Deadpool purported to originally have been an issue of Sgt. Fury, wherein Wade filled him full of more holes than Omar and Donny in Inglourious Basterds.

When Deadpool fought X-Force in the aptly-titled Deadpool Vs. X-Force, they all trounced across multiple timelines, and Wade actually ends up having to protect Hitler in order to complete his mission. Fortunately, Hitler gets blown up by Hulkpool in another storyline where he saves Captain America and Bucky from their more famous fate. A happy ending for all!

Next Marvel: 5 DC Heroes Iron Man Could Defeat (And 5 He Wouldn’t Stand a Chance Against)

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