If you’re still scratching your head over the teaser trailer’s loving tribute to beloved painter Bob Ross (with masturbation and drug-abuse jokes thrown in for good measure), Deadpool 2 has something else for you to ponder: its delightfully nonsensical first synopsis.
Fans hoping to learn something — anything — about the sequel’s plot are more likely to find more clues in the 10 seconds or so of footage shown in the teaser than they are from Fox’s official description. Ready? Here it is:
After surviving a near fatal bovine attack, a disfigured cafeteria chef (Wade Wilson) struggles to fulfill his dream of becoming Mayberry’s hottest bartender while also learning to cope with his lost sense of taste. Searching to regain his spice for life, as well as a flux capacitor, Wade must battle ninjas, the yakuza, and a pack of sexually aggressive canines, as he journeys around the world to discover the importance of family, friendship, and flavor – finding a new taste for adventure and earning the coveted coffee mug title of World’s Best Lover.
It’s a nail-biter, leaving us to wonder what led to that bovine attack and, more importantly, how Wade Wilson has any hopes of becoming a bartender in Mayberry which, as any fan of The Andy Griffith Show knows, is located in a dry county. It’s probably best not to think too much about such things, though, because that way lies madness.
Opening June 1, 2018, director David Leitch’s Deadpool 2 features the return of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, T.J. Miller as Weasel, Brianna Hildebrand as Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Leslie Uggams as Blind Al, Stefan Kapičić as the voice of Colossus, and Karan Soni as Dopinder, joined by franchise newcomers Zazie Beetz as Domino, Josh Brolin as Cable, Julian Dennison in an unknown role and Jack Kesy as a villain widely thought to be Black Tom Cassidy.
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