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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #34

by  in Comic Reviews Comment
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #34

Remember when Alan Moore and John Totleben’s Miracleman and Miraclewoman had super-sex and brought forth a new age of super-fascism and/or the Garden of Eden 2.0? Maybe Brad Meltzer read that comic, too, or he’s unconsciously channeling it in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” #34, because in the sphere of now-obsolete SAT analogies, “Buffy” is to “Miracleman” as “What the hell?” is to “Going on.”

Before I even get into the plot of this issue, I just want to point out that Georges Jeanty’s art looks really inconsistent here. Some of the pages have a kind of grace to them, while other look like they were drawn while using photo reference that didn’t match up to the poses he was trying to draw. One on page, Faith has a head that’s as big as her entire torso. That kind of exaggerated styling might work in a different kind of comic, but in a series based on a television show, perhaps a more realistic style would be appropriate. Or at least a consistent style. Or a better style. Jeanty’s work on this issue was kind of terrible at times.

Luckily, he got to spend most of his time drawing a long, super-powered, time-traveling sex scene between Buffy and Angel. Wait, is that lucky? I think maybe it’s not.

Yes, this is the sex issue. Elegantly titled, “Them F#©%ing (Plus the True History of the Universe).” Yes, that is the actual title. The F-Pound-Copyright-Percent-ing is how it’s written. And we get exactly what the title promises, I suppose, including the true history of the universe as imagined by Brad Meltzer through, one would assume, some serious input from Joss Whedon. Since this issue explains that Buffy and Angel are some kind of joint hot-lovin’ messiahs of a new age, and have always been that, even if we didn’t know it, it’s hard to imagine that this plot direction wouldn’t have the Whedon approval-stamp.

I’m not exactly sure how the time travel fits in, though. Or what this whole Twilight thing is all about, other than being a name that is a kind of a joke because there’s this whole series of “Twilight” vampire novels that you like if you’re thirteen, and a girl. Or something along those lines.

So, yes, Angel and Buffy have crazy wild sex and smash into mountains and travel through time (or into another dimension, maybe?) and meanwhile, Giles recounts how this kind of super-sex is so frightening that one time a bunch of Watchers sat around a big table and killed themselves just because the idea of it was unbearable to them. So now Giles and the gang are going to have to prepare for whatever is slouching toward Bethlehem.

Because if this issue teaches us anything, it’s that while sex may be a whole lot of fun, it’s bad for the universe. That’s why we have vampires. To remind us of exactly that.