"I'm totally not lying," said Lee.Comic Should Be Good's crack editorial staff * has just learned that theÂ delay plagued Morrison/Lee Wildcats run will be back on schedule as soon as February; sort of.
"Seeing as how I'm both the creative director of Wildstorm and the penciller of its flag ship comic, I found it pretty embarassing that I couldn't keep a decent schedule. But with my coporate masters at DC demanding I draw more pages of whatever Frank Miller's writing about and calling it a Batman story these days on top of all my Wildstorm related duties, I was really in a bind," Lee said.
"On top of that, Grant's been really swamped, too. That said, the Morrison/Lee run on Wildcats will be back on schedule as of February," Lee told a shocked group of comics industry observers and hobos gathered outside his palatial, strangely crosshatched mansion earlier today.
"And by that, of course, I mean that we will be publishing Wildcats comics written and drawn by rotating creative teams featuring anyone with the last names Morrison and Lee," Lee added, and then everyone slapped themselves on the forehead.
First up are the team of the Ghost of Jim Morrison and Pat Lee. Lee is best known for his work on the Transformers license, and his subsequent screwing of anyone associated with that endeavor. Morrison is best known as the dead front man of the '60s rock band the Doors, one of the most charismatic frontmen of all time.
"Jim MorrisonÂ was a no-brainer to fill in the Morrison part of the equation.Â He's hot, he's sexy, he's dead," Lee said. "You only find the last one among popular comics creators most of the time, am I right?"
CBSG contacted both men; Morrison via a Ouija Board and Lee via a phone number only people thatÂ he doesn't owe moneyÂ can get ahold of.
"I really wish I hadn't sold my soul toÂ Jim Lee's grandfatherÂ when I was high on acid that time," Morrison's ghost said. "This is like theÂ 30th time I've been contracted to write a comic forÂ Jim from beyond the grave," the dead rocker revealed. "I finally got him to use my name on the book, and not my pen name, Brandon Choi, by reading my poetry to him until he gave in."
Pat Lee was similarly excited about his new project.
"There are giant robots in Wildcats, right? I mean, it's about big robots who turn in to cars, isn't it? Because I can draw that," Pat Lee said. "You sure you didn't ink or letter a Transformers comic that I didn't pay you for," he added.
Future creative teams featuring people named Morrison and Lee include boxer Tommy Morrison's thinly veiled semi-autobiographical account of being in Rocky 5 using Wildstorm characters, to be drawn by Jae Lee; world music star Van Morrison's epic 12 part fight between the Wildcats and the menace of the new character find of the year, the Brown Eyed Girl, to be drawn by Alvin Lee; and Grant Morrison's return to the book, co-writing with comics legend Stan Lee as partÂ of hisÂ "Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Characters Derivative of Chracters He Didn't Even Co-Create Series" that will run through 2009's Wildstorm books once the current relaunches books are all cancelled. These comics will be drawn by a rotating team of the returning Jim Lee, Jet Li (it sounds the same!), Chicago Cubs first basemen Derek Lee, Lee Majors, Bruce Lee, and colored by Kathy Lee Gifford.
CBSG was lucky enough to catch up with the Man himself to talk about this momentus runÂ of comics.
"I gotta tell ya, True Believer, I've never been more excited. Me, Gregarious Grant Morrison, and Jumpin' Jim Lee have cooked up a gallivantin' series of book length features in the Wonderous Wildstorm Manner, and... aw, screw it. I'm old and tired. I don't want to do this charming hyperbole crap anymore. I'm in my 80s, for god's sake! I don't give a crap about comics anymore! I was going to write theÂ Great American Novel! Or atÂ least do porn with Johnny Romita for Playboy!Â Â Get off my lawn, you punk kids!" Then Mr. Lee took a nap.
Look for more on this story as we think of peopleÂ with the last namesÂ Morrison and Lee.