We all thought it, but never dared speak it. That is, until super comic book fan and filmmaker Kevin Smith asked the important questions to Stan Lee in a scene in the 1995 film Mallrats, via the mouthpiece of Jason Lee’s character Brodie Bruce, who, in a pivotal scene, just met his idol in the mall. “Reed Richards. Can his whole body stretch? Every part, like his –” Brodie asks Lee. “We never really tackled stuff like that in the old days,” Lee replies. Brodie pries on. “The Thing! Is his dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?” he asks Lee. “It’s a superhero secret,” Lee replies.
Later, Lee meets up with Brodie’s friend, T.S., who sent Lee to talk to his downtrodden friend about love. Lee tells T.S. to get his friend some help. “He seems to be really hung up on superhero sex organs.” It’s a funny scene in a classic movie, but should we be embarrassed for Brodie’s questions? While we may not think that vulgar, we cannot fault the character for inquiring. Infamous superheroes and villains, due to their character, look or abilities, are bound to have infamous body parts. Here, we talk about 15 that came to our minds, and speak about them at length, so you don’t have to!
15. WINTER SOLDIER’S LEFT ARM
The Six Million Dollar Man and Robocop aren’t even on the same level as Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes went from playing backseat and sidekick to Captain America, to becoming a ruthless, Soviet assassin with a bionic metal arm in 2005. He even killed Red Skull and snagged the Cosmic Cube and helped Wolverine escape Weapon X! No one is certain what it is made of, but Winter Soldier’s bionic arm has become such an iconic legend (especially after Bucky’s presumed death in battle with Baron Zemo), that you can actually buy one on eBay!
The arm came to life on Sebastian Stan in Captain America: Winter Soldier, bright red star and all, enhancing Barnes with super strength in hand-to-hand combat. The arm may not do much, but it looks cool and no doubt improves Winter Soldier’s firing accuracy. It’s also a damn good thing we shake hands with the right hand in America.
14. COLOSSUS’ SKIN
The largest organ on the human body is the skin, and no one’s skin is as impenetrable and unique as Colossus. It can be argued that Colossus is the physically strongest X-Man on the team, ever since his debut in Giant Size X-Men #1 in 1975. Len Wein and Dave Cockrum’s creation was 6 feet 7 inches of pure metallic Russian muscle, who could change his skin to “organic steel” at-will. This not only makes him impenetrable, it enhances his already incredible strength and durability. Plus, he’s probably a hit at parties.
Colossus’ ability came to life on screen in X2: X-Men United, and he remained in full metal form in the colossal Deadpool. The character remains an underrated member of the X-Men, who, besides his superhuman strength and durability, sacrificed himself by injecting himself with the cure to the Legacy Virus, saving mutantkind. (Spoiler Alert: He’s not dead. Thanks, Ord).
13. DRAX’S NIPPLES
At one time, former WWE champion Batista was a dominating and destructive force in the wrestling ring. He also had a sun tattoo around his navel, which was… weird. Today, Dave Bautista has transformed into the hulking Guardian of the Galaxy Drax The Destroyer in two eponymous movies. Gone is the tattoo, but now, in this form, he’s known by something equally as infamous – his nipples. Hey, we all have them, but Drax’s are sensitive as hell. He overshared this info with his team in Guardians Of The Galaxy: Vol. 2, as the reason why he cannot wear a rocket pack.
In the movie, they’re also rubbed rough and raw in his fight with Ego, similar to how ours feel after running in a marathon. Now we know what those circle Band-Aid brand bandages are for. If you look, Drax doesn’t even really have defining nipples in the movie. Which begs the question: Are they somewhere else?
12. CYCLOPS’ EYES
Poor Scott Summers – his past is so dark, he’s gotta wear shades. All the time. Unless he has his visor on. Otherwise … he may have to wear his sunglasses at night, is what we’re saying. Cyclops can kill you in a wink, depending on if he unleashes his energy beam projection mutant ability out of his eyes. Like, take all Superman’s power and strength and put it just into his eye beams. That’s probably equivalent to the power of Cyclops’ optical force blasts. We’re talking forced and controlled concussive two-gigawatt energy blasts, with enough power to pulverize rocks or penetrate thick steel.
Just like Wolverine isn’t Wolverine without the claws, or Nightcrawler isn’t Nightcrawler without the “BAMF,” Cyclops just isn’t the X-Men leader he is without his eyes. The original “Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe” claims Cyclops has the ability to emit inter-dimensional energy from his eyes. That’s on a whole other psychological and psionic level, kids! Cyclops, like Angel, is one of the original X-Men, debuting in X-Men #1 in 1963. Being that he is mutated with such a destructive power, Cyclops’ visor can control the frequency and power of his optic blasts for battle thanks to its quartz visor, the only thing that can block his power.
11. HELLBOY’S HAND
He’s got the whole world, in his hand. Mike Mignola’s World Destroyer, better known as Hellboy, enforces the law of B.R.P.D. in the Dark Horse series with a stone fist. The paranormal researcher, who was summoned from Hell in World War II by occultists, and later raised by Allied Forces, is known for his sense of humor. However, he is also a hulking bulk of a demon with filed-off horns and a stone right hand.
But this is not just any hand – it’s the Invulnerable Right Hand of Doom, and the key to the end of the world. Apocalypse, Ragnarok, right there at the end of his right arm. Most of us need a button for such power. Such is not the case for Anung un Rama. Hellboy has his father Azzael to thank for his hand – the demon cut off his infant’s mitt and replaced it with the Invulnerable Right Hand of Doom after literally burning him out of his mother — a witch, in the 17th Century.
10. ARCHANGEL’S WINGS
Warren Worthington III is able to do the one thing that we humans, depressingly enough, cannot do naturally – fly. Imagine being able to be just like “Nope,” and zoom up out of there, in any situation. One of the original X-Men, debuting in Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s X-Men #1 in September 1963, Angel had an awesome power of being able to fly, via mutant feathered wings. Unfortunately, while imbued with an amazing ability, Angel was drawn as a brooding, spoiled rich kid with issues.
It would all come tumbling down for Worthington in the Mutant Massacre storyline, where his wings are mutilated and eventually amputated at the behest of Cameron Hodge. Hodge would later blow up Angel inside his private jet afterward, and make it look like an apparent suicide. Just when Angel’s luck was running out, Apocalypse gave him an upgrade. As part of the Horsemen of Apocalypse, X-Factor’s Archangel now had metallic wings that could shoot out razor-sharp metal feathers. Dude, ROBOT WINGS.
9. PENGUIN’S NOSE
Just like you cannot draw The Joker without that smile, or Bane without his mask, or Riddler without some kind of Lone Ranger mask or glasses, you cannot draw The Penguin without one of many defining physical features – the nose. We know the monocle is there, and the top hat, the weapon umbrella, and even a cigarette holder, but The Penguin wouldn’t be The Penguin without that nose. It’s what makes his look so iconic, and it has shown up in every interpretation of the character.
His nose was a major aspect of the bigotry he faced in Tim Burton’s Batman Returns. In the beginning, he’s rejected as a baby for his face and hands, then becomes a circus act, and then an evil leader of a penguin army. Danny DeVito’s nose looked like a beak, while Robin Lord Taylor in Gotham is made up with a nose that comes to a faint point, to go along with his limp. There’s no better representation of Penguin’s proboscis than Brian Bolland’s creation in his graphic novel, Joker. It’s akin to Mike Grell’s version in the 1970s and 1980s.
8. LADY DEATHSTRIKE’S NAILS
Talk about claws: Marvel’s evil adamantium assassin will kill you with her nails, which can retract into her skeleton much like her adversary and Weapon X wonderboy, Wolverine. Yuriko Oyama’s mindset and fortitude are limitless! She paid a villain to bond the metal – which was created by her father Lord Dark Wind – to her skeleton, along with some other cyber enhancements, courtesy of Mojo technology. Thus, becoming Lady Deathstrike.
The most famous of these enhancements are the nail claws that have become iconic to her character. Her claws are a sufficient tool in battles with Wolverine, and they are deadly. Created by artist Larry Hama (of “G.I. Joe” fame) and writer Dennis O’Neil – first in 1983 as her alter ego, and three years later as Lady Deathstrike we know and love – the mercenary, whose consciousness was eventually transferred to Ana Cortes, is popular for her handiwork and cunning. She was even portrayed by Kelly Hu in X2: X-Men United, albeit under a different origin.
7. XORN’S HEAD
Spoiler alert: Xorn is and isn’t Magneto. And may or may not be a twin. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about Xorn, an X-Men-affiliated mutant with a star (or Black hole) inside his head, kept behind a skull-shaped steel mask. His mask, if removed, would cause Xorn to destroy the Earth, making Xorn dangerous and prudentially powerful, especially as written by Grant Morrison.
Can you imagine the ability to just release the power of the sun from your brain, just by removing your metal mask, or creating a Black Hole in your cranium? These are just two of Xorn’s abilities, along with gravity manipulation, teleportation via wormholes, and telepathy. Oh, he can also heal people.. but mostly he can produce the energy equivalent of one trillion 1-megaton nuclear bombs every second. Win!
6. LOVE SAUSAGE’S LOVE SAUSAGE
Garth Ennis is a damn genius. The prolific writer of two volumes of Punisher MAX and Dynamite Entertainment’s The Boys series, and, most importantly, the creator of Preacher, Ennis, who never backs down from creating original heroes and villains in his comics, toed the line of decency and sexuality in comics with the debut of the Russian bear Vasilii Vorishikin, aka Love Sausage.
Ennis’ formula for Love Sausage is this: put a huge johnson on an ex-commando, ex-cop, ex-superhero, bar-owning communist. You see, Love Sausage is aptly-named, as his main superpower, aside from invulnerability and strength, is he’s that he is very well-endowed. He’s like a genetic mix of Milton Berle, Nikolai Volkoff and Prince Vultan. Love Sausage, whose “Kryptonite” is large breasts, helped to stomp Stormfront to death in “The Boys.” (Why didn’t he use his junk as a club? Could it not be a weapon?) He would go on to meet his fate with Butcher.
5. PROFESSOR X’S BRAIN
Meet the man with the most almighty brain in existence: mutant telepath Professor Charles Xavier. The X-Men founder boasts PhDs in genetics, psychology and anthropology; meanwhile, his telepathic energies are so grand, they cause him to go bald. We neglected to mention he also killed his twin sister with his mind AS A FETUS.
As seen in the X-Men films and in the comic properties, Professor X can use his brain to make people see things that aren’t there or live events that never happened. Like some Patrick Swayze-Whoopi Goldberg Ghost maneuver, his brain can also possess the mind of another and use that person’s body. His brain can kill your mind, give you amnesia, and blast psionic energy. Even in death – killed by Cyclops-Phoenix – Xavier’s brain remains uber-powerful, harvested and reused as it was by the Red Skull. Never let a mind go to waste, especially a super-intelligent, telepathic, Omega level one.
4. NIGHTWING’S BOOTY
Let’s get to the bottom of it: Nightwing’s got a great ass. Forget his history as Robin. No, the thing that makes Nightwing a legend is his background. (Get it?) And the writers know dat ass is going places. Take, for instance, “Cross My Heart and Hope to Die,” which saw a line of girls ogling and in awe of Nightwing’s rear end. One even named each cheek. In one comic, Batgirl knew it was Nightwing from afar, just from that rump. Statue manufacturer Kotobukiya even immortalized Nightwing and his asset in 3D form. There are even Tumblr pages dedicated to his buns.
Starfire, you lucky, wise gal. Ladies and gentlemen of slash-fic and general fandom, the modern day sex symbol comes to you thanks to a costume upgrade in 1995 from Brian Stelfreeze, though even he was merely building off of a legend sculpted by George Perez and Marv Wolfman in New Teen Titans. Heck, at one point in time, Wolfman had to put a sexual disclaimer in the letters section of the comic. Dick Grayson – what an asset.
3. POWER GIRL’S CHEST
Keep your eyes up when talking to Earth-2 Superman’s buxom cousin Power Girl, or she’s liable to knock you around the world. Kara Zor-L is a Kryptonian with enhanced strength and invulnerability, as well as other natural endowments. Were creators Gerry Conway, Ric Estrada and Wally Wood nerdy pervs, or was there a reason behind the window to the breasts on her outfit? Power Girl’s assets are the topic of online forums where people debate her breast size, as if it were a real thing. One member is convinced her breasts are not DDs, but most definitely an F or G cup. Either way, the character is grown to be a symbol of sex in what probably could be some fanboy’s insipid fantasy. The truth of the matter is, Power Girl has nothing to apologize for. She even says it herself: her bosom shows that she is female and healthy, and thus, if men degrade themselves by staring, that’s on them.
2. VENOM’S TONGUE
You can’t make a Venom picture, action figure, or other kind of toy and not have that tongue serpentining its way out of his face; otherwise, it’s just a buff Spectacular Spider-Man. Created by superfan Randy Schueller, and later reworked in the pages of Marvel by Todd McFarlane, Mike Zeck and David Micheline in 1988, the Klyntar symbiote usually has its tongue snaking and flailing around amidst his razor-sharp teeth. (Gives new meaning to the venom tongue body modification fad).
Interestingly, the tongue was originally artist Erik Larsen’s idea, and has since become one of the character’s most defining physical characteristics — arguably the most iconic of the bunch, in fact! Of course, this being Venom, it has also become a weapon. It certainly came in handy when Venom tried to French-kiss the Thing to death in Venom #11 in 2004. In the storyline, after Thing hacks it up, with thanks to Human Torch, it gets listed on eBay. What the hell is it with superhero parts and eBay?
1. WOLVERINE’S CLAWS
You knew it was coming. Wolverine was always going to be at the top of the list for infamous body parts. How can you not put him there? He is one of the most popular comic book heroes of all time, and it’s definitely mainly because of his claws. What artists Len Wein, John Romita Sr. and Herb Trimpe created in the Incredible Hulk comic in 1974 would remain popular for four decades. The Weapon X storyline delved deeper into Wolverine’s mutant origin, as far as adamantium and his animalistic behavior. It would be 10 more years, in Origin, before readers would learn they were always part of him. Wolverine is his claws – no two ways about it. That’s a testament not just to the longevity of the character (and all of his bits), but also to how he has literally become a cut above the rest, as he is on this list.
Did we miss any body parts worth mentioning? Let us know in the comments!
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