13 Questions - Robert Kanigher
An informal visit with Grant Morrisonby Barb Lien
When I first found out that I'd be interviewing GrantMorrison at Wizard World, I got a bit nervous, as I'm a big fan of his. Most people are fans of Grant's writing, and I am, too, but also I like how hedrinks. He's like a modern-day Bob Eubanks. No, not Bob Eubanks…who is that guy who drinks a lot? He was in a book? Not likea Stephen King book…more like a book by one of the Dickens brothers. Like in Good Expecations. Or a book by Hemmingway, like Moby Dick. He's likesomeone in that book who drinks. Like Robert Burns or Wink Martindale. No, not Wink Martindale. He's not abig drinker. But you get the idea. He looks really cool when he's passed out.
Second, I like the way he talks. He's like a Scotsman who is trying to speak English or something. He reminds me of my hamster if my hamsterwas from Scotsland. So soft and warm and snuggly! Pwetty widdle fluffykins!!! I miss my hamster the MOST.
Third, I like the way he looks wearing pants and stuff. He looks like someone who would really UNDERSTAND me, I mean, understand writing. He lookslike someone who would understand writing. And me. One look at his pants and I felt a real connection. He's got really good taste in pants. I could get lostlooking at those pants. I really feel like his pants see through this façade into the heart of me. I mean, his readers. Excuse me a moment, I have to get adrink of water.
Back. Okay, fourth, even though we haven't spoken, in my fantasies he has a marvelous sense of humor and a deft yet bold touch and isn't afraid to sit back and let a womanwatch tv and order take-out. So few men these days are comfortable with that, and it's a pleasure to meet someone who is brave and noble and wearing pants. Imean, I assume it would be. This is my first time out of the house in six years.
Fifth, he's a gifted storyteller. Anyone who has read his Animal Manor Invisibles, or drawn thousands of pictures of him dressed as a Viking would know that Grant Morrison is the REAL deal. Evenhis feet smell nice, at least in theory.
My time with Grant was over far too soon. He was witty, charming, then apprehensive, then a bit concerned, then he started getting really nervous and had thatLOOK in his eyes, like he was scared or something, then right back to witty and charming again when the security people showed up. I could have asked himquestions all day, and in fact I would have had he not given me the slip by jumping out the window of the men's restroom.
So, sixth, he's CLEVER.
Sequential Tarts: Thanks for agreeing to thisinterview, Grant…It's totally hot of you, I mean, it'sreal real nice. REALLY! Now, let's start off with aquestion about sexuality. How do you feel about girl comics fans?Especially interviewers? Tell about how you feeltowards girl interviewers. Be as descriptive as youlike, I won't mind.
Grant Morrison: Eh?
Sequential Tarts: Finish this sentence…I thinkgirl interviewers are sexy because…
Grant Morrison: Uh…I'm not available, you know.
Sequential Tarts: …
Grant Morrison: I mean…sorry, but I thought wewere going to talk about my work…? Eh, are you allright?
Sequential Tarts: I'm not crying about that! I'mthinking of SOMETHING ELSE and it's VERY SAD and Ijust started crying!
Grant Morrison: May I ask why you've drawn ourintitial all over your sketchpad with hearts all'round?
Sequential Tarts: Those aren't our initials! It'sfor a test at school! These are my crib notes! Andit's an ANATOMY test and that's why I drew all thosehearts! And the cupids are there because I have aPOETRY test later that same day...HONEST.
Grant Morrison: Oh. Hmm...time's reallyflown...perhaps we couldreschedule?
Sequential Tarts: Oh, you'd LIKE that, wouldn'tyou? You make me SICK! I HATE YOU!!! BURN IN HELL,MORRISON!
Grant Morrison: I don't even KNOW you!!!
Sequential Tarts: I'm sorry! Oh, god I'msorry, Grant! Let's never quarrel again! Look! I bakedyou some banana nut bread in the shape of King Mob'shead!
Next week, part two of my exclusive interview withGrant Morrison, featuring me asking Grant about whatcolor kitchen he might like to have in our dreamhouse!Hope he lives, unlike my hamster!