| JLA: THE OBSIDIAN AGE with love by Joe Kelly
FANS WHO LOVE TO SURF: Where is Aquaman?
DC DIRECT: "We need another toy and archive collection... Where is Aquaman?!
FANS WHO DON'T LIKE TO SWIM: Aquaman's missing?
TEMPEST: My bad... I tried to save Atlantis from a giant robot tyrant by using magic, but no one trusted me enough to tell me what the spell did. I am a poor magician. Someone please polish my trident?
An Indian and an Aztek almost kill the League! There is no cultural understanding here!
The League escape! As the baddies escape too-- Atlantis appears ABOVE the water in ruins!
Doc Brown flies up in a Delorian and tells the JLA they must go Forward to the Past! But How?
TEMPEST: I have a good idea... Let's try the same spell that I don't understand!
ZATANNA: You lost the League now too, Dufus.
BATMAN: If we all die, I can finally create my own dark JLA! I WIN! Nyahh-Nyahh.
ATOM: Hell-loo? Never LEFT the team! Already a member, right here!
JASON BLOOD: I forgot more about magic than David Blaine will ever know. I am brooding and I keep the souls of murderers in my fireplace. Boo.
FIRESTORM: I know I've been a member for years... But I am in awe of the soft seats in the Watchtower. Wow.
MAJOR DISASTER: You like me... You really like me!
FAITH: You WILL like me... You really will... Please?
GREEN ARROW: New boobies to gawk at... Yay.
HAWKGIRL: What cartoon? I don't know what you're talking about. They picked me because I'm qualified.
NIGHTWING: I'll do my best to be half the bastard you were, Dad.
MEANWHILE-... 3000 YEARS AGO...
GAMEMNAE: Ah, good thing Atlantis was sent to the past and Aquaman told me all about his friends in the JLA so I could enslave his people and murder his friends with my own League of Ancients!
MANITOU RAVEN: Hmmmm... I am suspicious.
RAMA KHAN: I am noble! That's ironic!
OTHER ANCIENTS: Stuff to hit! Yay!
SUPERMAN: We can't punch anyone until we're sure we won't mess up the time stream. Doc Brown said so.
WONDER WOMAN: Hey, look! Aquaman is a big puddle! I always thought he was a sloppy kisser the one time he kissed me!
BATMAN: I have a fever and might die. Ow.
PLASTIC MAN: Sufferin' Sushi, there's all of the present day Atlanteans as slaves! Who wants Tuna?!
SUPERMAN: Okay, now we can hit someone hard.
GANEMNAE: Hey Ancients, those folks in costumes and masks are the "bad guys" I've been telling you about! How would you like to kill them for me?!
MANITOU RAVEN: Hmmmmm.....
The JLA and the Ancient League use fists for punching and philosophical debate on social morays! And they Kick too!
The JLA DIE and are put on spikes! There is a party!
MEANWHILE, in the PRESENT...
HAWKGIRL: Look! There's Superman's skeleton on Atlantis Island. What does that mean? A Super-Diet?
ZATANNA: A yucky thing has stuck it's hand in me and has made me a puppet! And I did not give permission!
NIGHTWING: Let's get that thing! It must be the thing that killed the League!
GREEN ARROW: Your breasts sag, lady!
OLD GANEMNAE: Ah-ha! I will eat you now! And I will hold all of the Earth's water hostage in my ample, albeit saggy bosom until Atlantis is the capitol of the Universe!
LEX LUTHOR: Drop an A-Bomb on them!
An A-Bomb explodes! The new JLA do not die because they are saved by the GHOST OF GREEN LANTERN! GL has been playing cards with the Indian for 3000 years. They have a very close but strictly platonic relationship, Kemosabe!
MANITOU: See, I was right to say 'Hmmmm.' That Gamemnae is bad news, and so I saved the souls of the JLA so they wouldn't really die, they'd only suffer a nightmarish excrutiating dismemberment at the hands of my friends. I feel better now.
NIGHTWING: Let's battle that saggy witch in the present AND the past and help Marty get his parents back together! maybe it'll help the JLA too.
YOUNG GAMEMNAE: Now that I whacked the League, I'm going to eat my friends and Atlantis will rule supreme! I'll start with Ram Khan because I love Middle Eastern food!
YOUNG MANITOU: I wish I had some allies to help... Green Lantern's Heart is getting my pouch sticky. Hey, heroes fromthe future. I hope that they don't bite.
FIRESTORM: I have a great idea! I'll save Aquaman by connecting his puddle to the ocean! This is logical!
AQUAMAN: Ah-ha! I used to be a puddle! Now I am the vengeful fury of the whole ocean! Did Wonder Woman really kiss Batman? Damn it...
OLD GAMEMNAE: C'mere, heroes! I need a snack!
OLD MANITOU: Inukchuk!
JOE KELLY: -- Schwingg-- Fans of the Superfriends: --Schwingg--
AQUAMAN: Because you savage Atlanteans and your evil witch of a leader kept my peeps enslaved for 15 years, I'm gonna bust a hard water cap in your aquaducts and sink Atlantis! Word to yo' Manta Ray.
OLD GAMEMNAE: Burrp-- Sorry, must be something I ate--
ETRIGAN THE DEMON: Me! See?
OLD MANITOU: Hmmmm... Time for me to make a final sacrifice since I did rip out GL's heart and cannot get to a stationery store for a "I'm sorry I ripped out your heart" greeting card...
YOUNG MANITOU: Hmmm... Looks like I need a new place to pitch my teepee. I hear the Apache are treated very well in the future and given casinos!
YOUNG AND OLD GEMAMNAE: Ouch! I am undone and my plans are foiled and I'm meltinggggggg.
Water returns to the people of the world. Owners of bath-houses, spas, and waterparks rejoice! Kids leave the tap running while brushing! Neighbors water their lawns on the wrong days!
OLD JLA: We're not dead no more! Thanks, Magic!
NEW JLA: They're not dead no more! Thanks-- Wait... We're out of a job.
AQUAMAN: Thank you friends. You have saved me, my people, and Atlantis... Well, we sank Atlantis and everything I ever believed about my proud heritage turns out to be a bunch of lies, but I'm sure that won't be a problem... I'll catch you back at the Watchtower so we can dispense Justice and hit people hard!
ATLANTEANS: Thanks for saving us! We hate you Aquaman. Bleh.
JLA: Wow, what a crazy adventure... Hey, anyone see Aquaman?
FANS WHO HATE TO SURF: Aquaman was missing?