Or, everything I ever wanted to know about groovy chicks I learned from old Wonder Woman comics!
Oh, and there are some mild SPOILERS here, as much as you can spoil 40-year-old comics.
Fact One: Even if a chick’sÂ man loves her,Â she should let him cruise strange bars and pick up weird chicks!
Â These two panels occur one after the other in the comic.Â Wonder Woman cares not if Steve Trevor hangs out at a “hippie club,” because she knows she has to keep her man happy!
Fact Two: IfÂ a chickÂ tells the truth in court, even if it gets her hot-headed man in trouble,Â she must instantly beg his forgiveness!Â
Fact Three: If her man is convicted by a jury of his peers because his lawyer is too stupid to overcome a complete lack of physical evidence, it doesn’t matter – it’s the chick’s fault!
Fact Four: If a chick attempts to do something different with her life, she’ll be called a “freak” – and feel she deserves to be called it!
Fact Five: Whether dealing with her lover’s incarceration or chasing a super-villain around the world, shopping instantly cures all of a chick’s blues!
Fact Six: And speaking of shopping, just the mention of it makes a chick forget all else, like the fact that the super-villain is still on the loose, and turns her into a malleable zombie!Â
Fact Seven: The only way a chick gets any information is by using her sex appeal!
Fact Eight: The very idea of living without a man drives a chick to tears!
Fact Nine: Even if her man talks about dating someone else right in front of her, a chick should feel lucky that he deigns to even give her the time of day!
Fact Ten: If a chick loses her super-powers, she must instantly be frightened of everything, even if she has acted heroically in the past!
Fact Eleven: Chicks think of themselves as “chicks!”
Fact Twelve: Even tough chicks are scared of mice and can be easily distracted just by mentioning one!
Fact Thirteen: A manly man can immediately cause a chick to think of betraying her love of a different manly man!
Fact Fourteen: If a manly man turns evil, it must be another chick’s fault!
Fact Fourteen: A chick will instantly ignore her feelings for manly men if she meets a dashing foreigner with the ability to finance her love of shopping!
Fact Fifteen: You would be wise not to tell a chick you love her and not mean it, becauseÂ for chicks, that’s all that matters in life!Â
Fact Sixteen: When chicks start fighting, they’ll eventually need men to rescue them.Â Isn’t that just like a chick?
All these facts, and more, can be found in Diana Prince: Wonder Woman volume 1, which collects Wonder Woman #178-184 from 1968-69 and was just released by DC.Â It can be yours for the low, low price of $19.99!
But wait, there’s more!Â You also get the inscrutable Oriental wisdom of Diana’s mentor, I Ching!Â First of all, he’s called “I Ching” on only two occasions, if you don’t count the covers.Â When he introduces himself, he says “Permit me to introduce self!Â I Ching!”Â His name is not “I Ching,” it’s just that those wacky Chinamen don’t use “to be” verbs, get it?Â So how did he come to be called “I Ching” over the years?Â Did it just sound cooler?Â Either way, there’s no doubt he’s wise.Â Learn at the feet of the master:
“The human form can smash steel!Â But you must believe it can!”
“Soft emotions cloud intellect!Â Grieve when we are finished, if you must!”
“The wise man does not question his refuge from the storm!”
“Evil does not respect loveliness, Diana!”
“A man comes to my advanced age along many paths!”
But wait, there’s more!Â Learn martial arts with Diana: The Haito Chop!Â The Mae Geri Kick!Â The NakadateÂ Ippon Kin Zuki Punch, which takes longer to say than to use!
But wait, there’s more!Â See Diana cry in a whopping 29 panels in seven issues, plus on two covers!Â Batman hasn’t cried in 29 panels in his entire publishing career, but Diana cries at the drop of a hat!
To be fair, this is a pretty fun collection.Â O’Neil and Sekowsky take Diana out of her costume and turn her into a female James Bond, which was rather bold for the time, especially for stodgy old DC (Marvel had alreadyÂ gone the espionage route with Nick Fury,Â of course).Â It’s an entertaining book, despite the weird gaps in logic.Â For instance, when Diana leaves Steve up there (under Fact Eight), that’s the last time we see him in the book.Â Â He shouldn’t even be there, because just prior to that, he was in a coma.Â But then Diana leaves him in some weird spooky mansion in his hospital pajamas and takes off anÂ international adventure!Â Â Beside the relative sillinessÂ that comes along with a lot of 1960s comics (not all of them, of course, but a lot), it’s an enjoyable trade paperback.Â CheckÂ it out!Â Â It’s a reason why the Sixties were so awesome!Â Â Â
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