A toy is only as good as its accessories. After all, an action figure might be great, but a kid needs a sprawling playset or eye-popping vehicle to get the full experience with a toy. Over the years, toy lines have come and gone, but it’s those with the best accessories that have stuck around: G.I. Joe, Masters Of The Universe, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Turtles. But that isn’t to say that every accessory released for these lines was awesome; in fact, these toy lines, along with many others, have received some downright weird toy accessories over the years.
The toy industry has never ascribed to the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” ethos; after all, in an industry based on the search for the new and unique, to stay the same means disinterest from kids, which means death. So in the search for the new and different, toy companies have cranked out some truly head-scratching, eyebrow-raising toy accessories over the years. From lame cars, to silly play sets, to a wealth of oddball slime-dispensing accessories (more on those later), toy shelves have seen them all.
15. M.A.S.K. HURRICANE
M.A.S.K. was always the Crystal Pepsi to G.I. Joe’s Pepsi; sure, they were similar, but one clearly wasn’t as good as the other. Much like the Joes, M.A.S.K. pit the valiant soldiers of M.A.S.K. against the villainous forces of V.E.N.O.M., waging war through various crazy vehicles for the fate of the planet. But the forces of M.A.S.K. must have been the victims of some serious government cutbacks, as they got vehicles like the Hurricane.
The Hurricane is simple: take an L.A. low rider, complete with flames on the side, and then give it the ability to raise slightly and have some extra wheels. Oh, and put a ridiculous gun on the top. And that’s the Hurricane. No word on whether M.A.S.K. plans to roll out battle vehicles made from modified Odyssey minivans or the Kia Soul, but until they do, this lame toy accessory definitely earned its place on our list of weird accessories.
14. CRASH TEST DUMMIES CRASH ‘N BASH CHAIR
Kids love to smash, crash, and generally trash their toys, so while it might seem odd, crash test dummies are kind of a natural fit for a toy line. So, when Tyco Toys launched the Incredible Crash Dummies toy line in the early ’90s, kids were ready to put their crash test dummies through the ringer. Destructible cars were released, but the line also received a surprisingly sadistic accessory in the Crash ‘N Bash Chair.
Traditionally, crash test dummies are testing the durability of vehicles, not themselves. Apparently Tyco didn’t get this memo, as the Crash ‘N Bash Chair allowed children to tie down their dummies and, with the press of a button, a hammer mechanism would smash the unlucky toy, causing it to explode into a million pieces. Presumably, children using this toy would yell “It puts the lotion on the skin” or something else suitably serial killer-y before dooming their toy to death via smashing; a strangely sadistic accessory for a truly odd toy line.
13. KNIGHT STAR BATMOBILE
Batman loves lurking in the shadows. Coincidentally, so do ninjas. So, if you were to somehow combine Batman and a ninja, the end result would be the most stealthy individual known to man. Well, he would be, if it wasn’t for the Knight Star Batmobile.
Released as a part of Hasbro’s Batman: Knight Force Ninjas, the Knight Star Batmobile is what would happen if Batman got loaded off Four Loko and decided to spray paint the Batmobile Mountain Dew puke yellow-green. Not only is the Knight Star Batmobile eye searingly ugly, it’s the polar opposite of what a ninja would drive, making it a double dose of silly. Next time Batman decides to mod out the Batmobile Tokyo Drift style, someone in the Bat family would be wise to intervene.
12. BARBIE’S McDONALD’S RESTAURANT
Barbie has been an astronaut, a reporter, an Olympic athlete, a ballerina, and even the president. What we’re saying is that Barbie clearly has some pretty lofty career aspirations. As Barbie has held numerous prestigious jobs over the decades, she has served as an inspiration to little girls everywhere, showing that women can do anything. This includes the fast-paced world of the fast food service industry, as is evidenced by Barbie’s McDonald’s Restaurant play set.
Released in 1994, this play set whisked Barbie off on a magical adventure of manning the fry basket and getting yelled at by irate customers over a dollar hamburger. The set included a counter and menu, an ice cream machine (which didn’t work, just like a real McDonald’s), and a talking drive-thru menu. With this utterly weird play set, kids the world over could live out their fantasies of making minimum wage and learning to hate the general public. Thanks, Mattel!
11. ALIENS QUEEN HIVE
At some point over the years, toy companies became convinced that what children really wanted was an accessory that allowed them to cover their precious toys in sticky, foul, tough to clean off slime. Subsequently, kids the world over got to wake up Christmas morning and receive the crushing disappointment of receiving a toy like the Aliens Queen Hive play set.
Hitting shelves in 1994, the Aliens Queen Hive was a platform on which unlucky figures could be placed, where a tube resembling the Hulk with an STD would dump gloopy ooze all over whichever action figure drew the short straw. Once the recipient of this play set realized that the set essentially added an extra step to just dumping Nickelodeon Gack on your toy, there was likely plenty of regret over this weird toy accessory.
10. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES TURTLE BLIMP
When you think of a ninja, you probably think of words such as silent or stealthy. When you think of a ninja, you probably do not envision a massive, impossible to miss blimp stamped with “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” on the side. Apparently, Playmates thought differently, giving the world the Turtle Blimp.
Sure, we can’t deny this toy is certainly awesome; after all, when this baby was inflated, it clocked in at an impressive 30 inches long. But this vehicle just leads to so many questions: Why are ninjas using a massive green blimp? Did Splinter sign off on this? The blimp has a front seat for a turtle to sit in, but wouldn’t people see them? Aren’t the Ninja Turtles committed to hiding their existence from mankind? How could people possibly miss this? A fun vehicle, but this was one thoroughly weird toy accessory.
9. THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS GOOPER GHOSTS
Remember earlier when we were talking about toy companies getting on a big “dumping ooze on toys” kick? We weren’t kidding. Case in point, The Real Ghostbusters Gooper Ghosts. Sure, considering the source material, this is an ooze toy that makes sense. But this doesn’t negate just how utterly weird these toys are.
Let’s be real here, the entire gimmick of the Gooper Ghosts was that figures could be placed in the ghosts’ mouths, allowing the ghost to puke colored slime all over the unlucky toy. Okay, we can buy the concept that children wanted an accessory that would allow them to slime their Ghostbuster figures, but the image of Egon being buried under ghost puke will haunt us for the rest of our days.
8. SPAWN VIOLATOR CHOPPER
Being the Violator must be tough; after all, when he’s not busy torturing Spawn, he’s occupied doing suitably Satanic things. But with business that surely takes him all over, Violator doesn’t seem the type to hoof it. Does he catch a taxi? Does he take public transportation? Thankfully, the burning question concerning the Violator’s commute was answered with this toy: the Violator Chopper.
Apparently, the Violator likes to saddle up on his motorcycle made of human skin and cruise the strip between Spawn torture sessions. From the rows of unnecessary teeth and the exhaust pipes topped by little heads, this motorcycle is wall-to-wall ridiculous. No word on whether Violator takes his hog down for Daytona Bike Week, but we bet he would have a hard time picking up chicks on this weird toy accessory.
7. FARMER DONATELLO’S MODERN MUTANT TRACTOR
Children flocked to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for their cool figures, larger than life characters, and buckets of attitude. With packaging stamped with words like “Rad” and “Cowabunga,” the TMNT toys were the pinnacle of cool for kids the world over. But there is one vehicle that not even the Ninja Turtles can make cool: the tractor.
Case in point: the Modern Mutant Tractor. Packaged with the Farmer Donatello figure, this wasn’t a tractor that shot rockets or did wheelies; nope, this was just a regular, old fashioned tractor. We’re not sure who signed off on a TMNT toy that included a thoroughly not rad tractor, but this weird toy accessory definitely deserves a spot on our list.
6. M*A*S*H MILITARY BASE PLAYSET
Ah, M*A*S*H, the beloved TV series following the wacky misadventures of a group of Army doctors trying to survive the horrific Korean War. But despite the odd premise, this sitcom became a bonafide classic, commanding huge ratings and a legion of fans. But this doesn’t exactly make the show a prime candidate for a toy line; sure, the series’ Korean War setting may have worked in its favor for TV, but surely not for toys, right? Enter the M*A*S*H Military Base Playset.
Based on the show set in the war in which thousands of American soldiers lost their lives, the M*A*S*H Military Base Playset allowed kids to bring the fun of the Korean War home. We get it, M*A*S*H was popular, but this weird toy accessory is a real eyebrow raiser, for all the wrong reasons.
5. WOLVERINE MUTANTCYCLE
Wolverine often proclaims that he is the best there is at what he does, which, judging from X-Men comics, is stabbing faceless goons, drinking beer and driving his motorcycle while brooding. Thankfully, Toy Biz found a way to combine Wolvie’s love of stabbing and motorcycle driving with the utterly ridiculous Wolverine Mutantcycle.
In this 1991 toy, Wolverine is given what amounts to the motorcycle version of himself; after all, the cycle sports the same color scheme as the X-Man, along with a prominent set of claws mounted on the front. We can only assume the Mutantcycle was assembled by the Pimp My Ride crew. Toy Biz heard Wolverine likes stabbing, so they gave him a motorcycle that can stab while you’re stabbing! Truly silly, truly dumb, and truly weird, this toy accessory more than earned its place on our list.
4. TMNT PIZZA THROWER
When you try to apply logic to a toy, it can make your head hurt. After all, these are fantastical vehicles and creatures designed to be enjoyed for the fun they provide; when you bring logic into this equation, the whole thing falls apart. Case in point: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Thrower.
At face value, this seems like a poor choice in a crime fighting vehicle — why are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who have an avowed loved of pizza, throwing said beloved pizza at enemies? They carry swords and nunchucks, so why resort to flinging pizzas? But pizzas can be extremely hot, so maybe the Pizza Thrower does have some actual combat purpose. But does this mean the Turtles are driving around hurling molten hot pizzas at their faces, potentially leaving them scarred with burns? Sure, this is a weird toy accessory, but the implications of it are what is truly troubling.
3. CRIME ALLEY PLAYSET
It was in Gotham’s Crime Alley that Bruce Wayne became Batman. With a senseless crime and the flash of a gun, the life Bruce knew ended, and The Dark Knight emerged, committed to protecting the downtrodden from the shadows. As the infamous Crime Alley plays such an integral part in his transformation into the Bat, Bruce Wayne treats the site of his parent’s murder with dignity and quiet respect. So obviously the decision was made to make a play set for Crime Alley.
With this play set, children can have all sorts of adventures in the alley where Thomas and Martha Wayne were senselessly gunned down. Fight the Joker mere steps from where Batman’s mother bled out! Jump and play in the same alley where Thomas Wayne received a sucking chest wound! Drive the Batmobile over the spot where a young boy’s innocence died! Truly, this weird toy accessory is fun for the whole family.
2. MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE SLIME PIT
The Masters Of The Universe series was a huge hit in the ’80s, with its musclebound characters and eye-catching play sets, the MOTU could seemingly do no wrong. And apparently, that includes the building of something called The Slim Pit. This oddball toy accessory, released in 1986, had an in-story explanation!
According to the packaging, the Slime Pit was used by the Evil Horde to trap brave Eternian warriors in a hard shell of inescapable ooze. In reality, the toy was a plastic dinosaur head that vomited all over whatever MOTU figure was unlucky enough to be placed under it (probably Stinkor or Moss Man– those guys were crazy lame). Sure, the Slime Pit has become a nostalgic favorite, but you’ve gotta admit: ooze barfing dinosaur skeleton is one weird toy accessory.
1. TMNT FLUSHOMATIC
Sure, the Slime Pit was a weird ooze-dispensing toy accessory, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ FlushoMatic absolutely takes the cake when it comes to “weird ooze dispensing toy accessory” — also, it’s super, duper gross. Released in 1989, the Flushomatic brought the “coating action figures in slime” craze to the TMNT, but the Turtles managed to take this trend to a whole new level of disgusting.
The Flushomatic was presented as a tool used by Shredder to coat the Turtles in an ooze that would transform them back into regular turtles, but let’s not get it twisted: this is a slab with a toilet over it. We can’t imagine demand was high for a slime-dispensing toilet, but we reckon this toy probably awakened some troubling feelings in more than a few children. Gross, bizarre and definitely weird, the Flushomatic earns the dubious honor of being the weirdest toy accessory of the ’80s and ’90s.
Can you think of any other weird toy accessories from the ’80s and ’90s? If so, share them with us in the comments!
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