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What The Devil: 15 Superheroes Who Banged A Demon

by  in Lists Comment
What The Devil: 15 Superheroes Who Banged A Demon

Light some candles, lotion up your forbidden grimoires bound in man-flesh and break the circle of salt poured around your futon because we’re summoning some demons. Historically, demon lovemaking has been the go-to explanation behind nun pregnancy, why you shouldn’t Warp-jump without a Navigator and why you should totally play Magic: The Gathering. Nearly every culture has some kinky demonkin devoted to “soul-sucking,” from succubi and incubi to the dapper demonic dolphin Encantado and comics are no different. We’ve found 15 times characters got dirty with Dretches, kinky with Cornugons, erogenous with Erinyes and let Pit Fiends all up in their pits.

RELATED: Deus Sex Machina: 15 Superheroes Who Banged A God

The depravity of demons notwithstanding, let’s lay down some ground rules. First, we’re extending our demon qualifications to Chaos Lords, Elder Gods and horned devils. So, even though Dormammu and his sister Umar are members of the Faltine, who are beings made up of pure wizard energy, we’re counting them as demons. Heck, Dormammu has been described as worse than a demon and Ultimate Dormammu actually is a demon, so that’s good enough for us. Likewise, half-breeds, or “demonic day-walkers,” totally count, with the exception of Nightcrawler. Despite his demon daddy, banging Nightcrawler counts as mutant-sex, not demon-sex.

15. DEADPOOL

Satana kisses Deadpool Deadpool Team Up

Shiklah, former Queen of Monster Metropolis, married Deadpool in a wedding officiated by the demon-mutant Nightcrawler to get out of marrying Dracula. Deadpool is just one of the succubus’ husbands, however, as Shiklah is also married to Werewolf by Night, whom Deadpool head-shots upon interrupting their monster mash. After a bang-goodbye, Shiklah leaves Deadpool to marry Dracula in 2015’s Deadpool #29 by Gerry Duggan and Salvador Espin, advising Wade to leave his phone on because you’d “never know when booty calls.”

Forevermore a bro, Deadpool hooks up Spider-Man with a sweet succubus named Jenny in a double-date in 2016’s Spider-Man/Deadpool #4 by Joe Kelly and Ed McGuinness, in a roundabout attempt to get Thor and Jenny to mud wrestle. Oh, Thor was a girl at this point in time, not that Deadpool would mind The Odinson.

14. SPAWN

spawn-header

As we discover in the final episode of HBO’s Todd McFarlane’s Spawn, Malebolgia didn’t return Al Simmons to Earth as a Hellspawn (named, uh, Spawn,) to lead Hell’s armies, but rather to impregnate Wanda with a “demon seed.” Malebolgia knew Spawn wouldn’t be able to resist Wanda, which is somewhat obvious considering that seeing her was why Simmons agreed to become a Hellspawn in the first place. Despite having a face made out of necroplasm and glow-sticks, Spawn manages to sleep with Wanda in the episode “Seed of Hellspawn” by impersonating her current husband and Spawn’s former bff, Terry, which is super illegal and gross in retrospect.

So yeah, Malebolgia’s master plan was to get Spawn laid. It took the Lord of Hell, like, three seasons of Todd McFarlane’s Spawn to get there, but he did it. Incidentally, why the clarification? What other “Spawn” is out there?

13. HELLCAT

We’re not referring to the D&D demon, but rather Patsy Walker (aka Hellcat!) and her relationship with Daimon Hellstrom, “The Son of Satan.” Technically, it should be “The Son of Satannish,” but that sounds terrible. Incidentally, Satan tried to convince Patsy that he was her father in 1982’s Defenders #111 by Mark Gruenwald, J.M. DeMatteis and Don Perlin, thus making Patsy’s relationship with Daimon incestuous in Satan’s most hilarious scheme, ever.

When Daimon marries Patsy in Defenders #125, he had lost his “Darksoul,” rendering Daimon human while also killing him because Demon DNA is whatever. To save Daimon, Patsy summons Marduk Kurios (read: Satan) in Hellstrom: Son of Satan #12 to retrieve the Darksoul. Restored, Daimon becomes “The Son of Satan(nish)” again, but Patsy kills herself after seeing Daimon’s true form. Daimon would later trick Hawkeye into saving Hellcat from Hell in Thunderbolts 2000, so it’s cool.

12. ETRIGAN

Etrigan catches Lady Xanadu in bed Demon Knights

Though they share one body bound together by Merlin, Jason Blood and the demon Etrigan both share the sorceress Lady Xanadu, aka Nimue ,aka The Lady of The Lake. Xanadu explains how her polymorphous polyamorous relationship began in 2012’s Demon Knights #8 by Paul Cornell, Bernard Chang and Diógenes Neves.

Though Xanadu agrees to marry Jason, Etrigan explains his interest: “I wish to mate with you. Often, and over a long period of time, that is. Hence the offer of the sheep.” Xanadu lies to Etrigan to keep him at bay, claiming “I will stay at Jason’s side, and enjoy the cruelty of cuckolding him with you.” Etrigan, however, tells a different tale, of a magician slitting a sacrificial sheep’s throat before promptly marrying a demon in a quant, explaining: “Whenever someone tells you a ‘true story,’ you should ask yourself… who’s fooling who?”

11. TRIGON

Trigon Justice League vs Teen Titans sex scene

The questionably consensual copulation between the Demon Lord Trigon and the human female Arella Roth (or Angela Roth) produced the Teen Titan’s demonic magic caster, Raven. As Raven explains in Justice League vs. Teen Titans, Raven’s mother joined a cult, becoming the lucky lady for their performance of The Bride of Satan Rite. After lightning strikes a pentagram, Trigon emerges from a purple cloud of smoke, with Roth immediately wanting to jump his demon bones.

“So Mom, with her great sense of judgment, didn’t hesitate to hook up with a guy who emerged from the smoke,” thinks Raven. To be fair, human-Trigon has this sort of demonic Fabio thing going for him, so it’s understandable. Likewise, Trigon himself is half-human, as his dad is The Devil. Additionally, depending on whether your incarnation of Trigon is a demon or an Elder God, Raven is technically Etrigan’s aunt.

10. JOHN CONSTANTINE

John Constantine Tricks Ellie The Succubus into having sex Hellblazer 105

To escape being burned at the stake, John Constantine trades one day of his life for his powers with the demoness Rosacarnis in 2004’s Hellblazer #200. Rosacarnis uses her powers to have this one day play out in three different ways, banging Constantine in three possible realities simultaneously to sire three demonic messiahs.

Incidentally, Rosacarnis’ father is the Demon Lord Nergal, who once gave Constantine a blood transfusion. This transfusion technically makes any sex with Constantine qualify as demon-sex, as we learn when John helps a virgin get out of marrying an angel by having sex with her first. The Angel calls off the wedding, not because she’s not a virgin, but because of the “demonic taint” within her. Additionally, there’s Ellie the succubus, who despite her seduction powers is actually tricked by Constantine into restoring his “demonic taint” with her demonic bits in Hellblazer #105.

9. FATALE

Jo Fatale Deluxe Hardcover Edition Volume 1 Cover

The premise of the cosmic-horror-noir series Fatale by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips is that Jo is a femme fatale, by which we mean a lady cursed with a succubus’ power-set. Jo, or “The Consort,” has complete control over men. Much to Jo’s chagrin, all it takes is eye contact to become obsessed with her, often to the point of ruin.

Jo is powerful enough to convince men to cheat, commit suicide or even alter memories. When a young Nick first sees Jo, she asks him to keep a secret, causing Nick to subconsciously forget her until they met again years later: “Realizing I haven’t even thought about another woman since I met Jo… Wondering if she’s been hiding in my subconscious all my life… And that’s why none of my relationships ever worked out… Because secretly I was always waiting for her.”

8. LADY BLAZE

Lady Blaze appears before Etrigan Batman The Dark Knight

During 2011’s Batman: The Dark Knight #4-5 by David Finch and Jason Fabok, Etrigan tracks down a demon terrorizing Gotham City, discovering that he’s a servant of Etrigan’s former mistress, Lady Blaze, ruler of Hell and demon-wizard hybrid. Blaze offers Etrigan his powers back, full rhyme-scheme and all, so long as he becomes her consort. Jason Blood refuses, but Etrigan overpowers his other half to embrace the demoness. The two double-team Batman, before Etrigan realizes that Blaze lies, for his Lady never restored his rhymes.

Batman reminds us that great power comes from within, as Etrigan begins rhyming again… much to our chagrin. Also, Superman entered Hell in 1990’s Action Comics #656 to retrieve Jimmy Olsen and Jerry White’s souls after attending one of Blaze’s raves. Given Blaze’s succubus status, we can assume some demonic depravity went down while under her dominion.

7. SATANA

Satana Deadpool Team Up

Daughter of Satan, the succubus Satana comes to Deadpool to get out of a marriage contract after losing her soul in a game of high-stakes poker to five nerds in 2010’s Deadpool Team-Up #892 by David Lapham, Humberto Ramos and Shawn Crystal. Polygamy is illegal even in Hell; however, Satana explains: “Well, I have to date them first. I’ve dated them all twice already.”

The nerds reveal themselves to actually be Belasco, Mephisto, Asmodeus, Lucifer and Dormammu, as whomever claims Satana’s soul claims the heir to Hell. To determine the demoness’ destiny, the Demon Lords roll d20s. Fortunately, Deadpool expunges Satana’s debt by marrying her, thus binding his soul to hers. Satana breaks up the marriage before she can “date” Deadpool (who is “quite a hottie” by Hell-standards,) but Satana keeps half of Wade’s puny soul in the divorce.

6. PRIAPUS

Priapus double teams Luke Cage and Silver Sable

Luke Cage, Terror and Silver Sable fight Priapus, not the god of boners, but a lesser demon in their quest for The Carnal Serpent in 1993’s crossover event “Cage: For Love Nor Money” by Marcus McLaurin, Frank Turner and Scott Benefiel. Priapus, claiming “ecstasy is my life,” smooches Sable and touches Cage, incapacitating them with orgasms. Revealing his demonic form, Priapus delivers a monologue that falls on deaf ears, as Sable and Cage are too busy rolling face and making sex sounds to listen.

Later, Priapus torments the post-climax trio with perverted memories of their deepest loves. A demon bringing you to climax before immediately making you long for your ex totally counts as sex, right? Driving the phallic symbolism home, The Carnal Serpent, a gigantic magic snake, devours Priapus, who is reborn with godly powers by punching his way out of the Serpent’s belly.

5. UMAR

Umar Incredible Hulks World Breaker

Umar is Dormammu’s little sister. Technically, Umar and Dormie are mystical beings known as Faltine, but Umar lives in a Sauron tower and has demonic minions, so just go with it. Umar sexes Hulk so sufficiently in Defenders #3 by J.M. DeMatteis, Keith Griffen and Kevin Maguire that Hulk reverts back to puny Banner after only six minutes. An annoyed Umar demands her jade sex slave return immediately, but Bruce is so sufficiently satisfied that he hilariously can’t get it up – we mean Hulk out.

The only person who can stop Hulk in his World Breaker mode, which is exactly what it sounds like, is Umar, appearing through a tongue portal not unlike a Demonic Mick Jagger in Incredible Hulks #633. The fallout from their fornication forms a mushroom cloud of sex, which is the official scientific explanation for the phenomenon.

4. AZAZEL

Azazel dumps Mystique Uncanny X-Men

The baroness Raven Darkholme takes advantage of her husband’s impotence and her shapeshifting powers to sleep around in 2003’s Uncanny X-Men #428 by Chuck Austen and Sean Phillips. Upon being introduced to Herr Azazel, however, Raven becomes enamored. Raven wants marriage, but Azazel just wants to bone in a church, specifically with Raven’s default blue form. In addition to a baby and the “Mystique” moniker, Azazel gives Raven some kinky karma before teleporting out: “Never confuse physical passion for a condition of the heart, my dear. Since the dawn of mankind, the two have rarely gone hand in hand.”

To elude a mob who (correctly) assumes the baby Nightcrawler is a demon, Mystique throws her newborn into a river. Azazel teleports in to save Kurt, then gives him to a former girlfriend to raise. To recap: Mystique is literally worse than a Demon Wizard.

3. THE HARLOT

Harlot Fall of Cthulhu Boxes of Paradise

Following his dead uncle Walt into The Dreamscape, Cy watches Walt waltz into the nether-region of The Harlot in 2008’s “Fall of Cthulhu: The Fugue” by Michael Alan Nelson and Jean Dzialowski. Harlot, a greater demon, offers endless pleasure or secrets of her other clientele in exchange for one’s soul. Once the deal is done, Harlot places you into “paradise,” an eternity of madness waiting in a box until Harlot calls upon your secrets, or “services” in attracting new clients.

Cy comes to Harlot to investigate Walt’s death, but Harlot tries to entice Cy’s kinkier side by offering a lovely lady with a pig snout. After Cy calls Harlot a “syphilitic cow” before returning to our world, she warns: “Not long from now, you’ll wish you’d chosen the diseased ecstasy of my box.” Judging from the sea of boxes making up Harlot’s paradise, she’s probably not wrong.

2. NIGHTMARE

Though the demon Lord Nightmare has absolute control when in his dream dimension of Everinnye, he is powerless in the conscious world. So, Nightmare decides to bang a human in Avengers: The Initiative #30 by Christos N. Gage and Jorge Molina. Karl, the leader of a cult devoted to Nightmare, explains his master’s intentions to Naomi, his favorite follower: “He’ll plant his seed in you through me. And the fruit of our union will be a vessel for him.”

Naomi doesn’t actually believe Karl – dude was just hot. With the stars aligned, Nightmare wargs into Karl to start what is technically a demonic threesome. The result of this copulation is Trauma, Camp Hammond’s registered psychologist and fear-manipulator. Like most demonic offspring, Trauma is the last step of a complicated ritual to allow Nightmare into our world to fight superheroes – basically the third act of Freddy vs. Jason.

1. AZZAEL

Considering that he is a Demon Prince of Hell, in addition to King Arthur’s heir, all sex with Hellboy counts as demon sex. Hellboy has had a string of paranormal partners, from the pyrokinetic Liz Sapien to a vampire he once married during a drunk weekend in Mexico.

Hellboy himself is the result of a surprisingly loving relationship between Azzael, the Demon Prince of Sheol, and the human nun/witch Sarah Hughes, which started when she was sixteen. Sarah had asked for some of Azzael’s power, which he delivers by conceiving a child with her on Walpurgisnacht, colloquially known as “Witch’s Night.” Sarah literally hooks up with Azzael in “Hellboy: The Chained Coffin” by Mike Mignola, where Azzael kills Sarah’s two normal children before hanging her corpse off of his horse’s meat-hook-mane, carrying her off to get some “Azz” in Hell.

Did we overlook your favorite story of demonic debauchery? Think of another brimstone hero entering the bone zone? Let us know in the comments!

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