You’re at home, bored one Friday night with nothing to do. None of your friends are answering your calls or texts. They had already made plans for the weekend, leaving you to fend for yourself. And fend for yourself you will. One of the greater benefits of technology, after all, is to stave off boredom. This is where Tinder comes in. You open it up to find a lot of decent people in your area. Nobody really stands out because they are obviously trying too hard. Luckily there is a nice group of people that do not have to try so hard to get your attention. Or anyone’s attention, for that matter. Sure, they’re created from the imagination of some of our favorite creators and are designed to be near perfect. Unattainably perfect.
Whether they are jaw-droppingly gorgeous through scientific means, naturally intelligent, run an entire country, or just have a great personality, there are individuals in the MCU that we would love to swipe right on for even a chance to simply hangout. Alternatively, there are people within the MCU that we would frantically swipe away from for the sake of our own safety. Now let’s dive into this list and see who we, and you, would best match with.
15. SWIPE RIGHT: JANE FOSTER
Naturally, the first thing a lot of people are going to notice about Jane is her looks. Let’s move on from that because if we were to rank 15 of her best features, her appearance would be at the bottom. Yes, she is gorgeous, but she is also incredibly intelligent. She is a top ranked astrophysicist in the world of the MCU and was a candidate for the Nobel Prize.
They don’t just hand those out to anyone. Do not let that intimidate you. If you are a medical doctor, a scientist of some sort, or even a science enthusiast, you should jump at the chance to match with Dr. Jane Foster. She also loves to travel, so you might be able to work that into your meet-up plans. Flaws? She might be a bit of a workaholic.
14. SWIPE LEFT: THE HULK
This one feels like it should go without saying, but here we go anyway. The dude turns into a giant, green rage monster. Something that only a Norse god or an equally-sized suit of armor can tame. It used to be a matter of just getting him angry, but ever since The Incredible Hulk, the MCU has established that it’s a matter of Banner’s heart rate.
So if he even gets too excited, he will hulk out. Too. Excited. That’s not terribly attractive. It’s cool that Black Widow is okay with that, but it doesn’t take much of an imagination to think that the wrong move could send him over the edge. Ask Loki, it’s not fun to be tossed around a room like a ragdoll despite what you may have heard.
13. SWIPE RIGHT: LADY SIF
There’s the Warriors Three, then there is Sif. Why not the Warriors Four? Because Lady Sif is in a league of her own (plus it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it). She can slay her opponents a thousand different ways with a sword and exhibit the manners your parents like to see at the dinner table. While she might be beautiful in a long, elegant dress, she would be more comfortable in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
She’s the type of gal who’s down for a baseball game and hot dogs on a first date. Much like Thor, she is straight to the point about everything. So if you two did match, she would be up front about a second date or not. But Sif would manage to turn you down in a way that doesn’t batter your ego and probably offer to remain friends.
12. SWIPE LEFT: RED SKULL
Would you want to date Hitler? Because Johann Schmidt, or the Red Skull, is pretty much the next worse thing to Hitler. He established the modern iteration of Hydra, an authoritarian military group hell-bent on world domination, and it’s difficult to find any redeeming qualities in him. Let’s overlook the disfigurement that earns him the nickname “Red Skull” and focus on his twisted personality traits.
This is a man that considered leaving his most trusted man, Arnim Zola, to die in his Austrian factory when it was burning down. He is incapable of getting close to anyone, only using people to attain his own, selfish goals. That’s not to mention any argument with him would most definitely end with you in a body bag. That’s the problem with these authoritarian types, they have no empathy and only see the world from their point-of-view. Everyone else is wrong.
11. SWIPE RIGHT: THE FALCON
If there is a single person on this last that is more hero than anyone else, it is Sam Wilson. Anyone would be lucky to match with this man. Think about it, before he was The Falcon, he was in the United States Air Force as a Pararescue airman, with “rescue” being the keyword there. His sole purpose was to go behind enemy lines, put himself in the line of fire and rescue people.
Never was he sent kill other soldiers or take over a strategically vital location. He genuinely wants to help people because his moral compass, much like Steve Rogers, points true North. Sam seems like the type of guy to help an elderly lady across the street, share his coat with you, and have some great ideas for a first date like bungee jumping or skydiving.
10. SWIPE LEFT: SCARLET WITCH
Wanda brings a lot of baggage with her. For starters, her parents died when she was young, and eventually she went through some experiments. We don’t know how invasive those experiments were, but going from being a normal human being to a super-powered human can take its toll. Especially when your primary cause for getting super powers was to enact revenge on the person you blamed for killing your parents.
Then she lost her brother, Pietro, who was her last living relative. He was the last person she felt she could trust. She was getting better until she accidentally threw a suicide bomber (Crossbones) through a building, inadvertently killing Wakandan citizens. When you’re trying to be a better person and do the right thing in life, being responsible for the deaths of innocent people, accident or not, can send you through a metaphorical grinder.
9. SWIPE RIGHT: THOR
He can show you the world(s). Shining, shimmering splendid. Except it wouldn’t be a magic carpet ride. Mjolnir ride? Thor’s Tinder profile would be one of the more unique profiles in the sense that he would be completely honest about who he is. A common mortal, however, wouldn’t know what he is talking about. Traversing the nine realms, sightseeing with his friend Heimdall, polishing Mjolnir, being groomed to rule over Asgard, and smacking around Frost Giants for fun.
But let’s be honest, nobody is reading his profile. That golden yellow hair, those baby blues, his muscle definition, and that cape are the attention grabbers. In the immortal words of Darcy Lewis, “He’s pretty cut”. But Thor would make a great drinking buddy and would probably be one of the most adventurous people to match with. There would never be a dull moment with this man… er, god.
8. SWIPE LEFT: NEBULA
Nebula might actually be fun to meet up with because she’s on the complete opposite end of the galaxy, and who wouldn’t want to do some sightseeing over there? But no, you can try to match with someone better on that end of the galaxy if you’re so inclined. Nebula is essentially a less mentally stable Black Widow. An adopted daughter of Thanos, the biggest threat in the galaxy, and former enforcer for the Kree terrorist, Ronan the Accuser.
Being raised by someone as infamous as Thanos can’t be an easy upbringing. Always on his throne scheming, leaving the knives and laser guns laying about. She was more than eager to go after her “sister” Gamora, after all. That is some next-level sibling rivalry. Nebula is also a trained assassin — a space assassin. Who knows what other techniques there are to kill when aliens are involved.
7. SWIPE RIGHT: BLACK WIDOW
Much like Lady Sif can kill a thousand different ways with a sword, Natasha can kill a thousand different ways with a napkin, so it’s best to mind your words with her and don’t let your eyes wander too much. Being a spy, she knows how to dress for any occasion and keep a conversation going. She might be doing the talking to get some information out of you, but you would be too busy being mesmerized by her to care.
While she might be a “take-charge” kind of person as seen in both The Avengers and Captain America: The Winter Soldier, she would probably leave it up to you to figure out a first date activity. She lives a fairly exciting life as it is, so something a little more down to earth might be a breath of fresh air. This date could be worth the potential blood loss.
6. SWIPE LEFT: LOKI
There’s going to be a lot of hate for this entry because the consensus seems to be that he is a beautiful person and a smooth talker. Yeah, that’s kinda his modus operandi, and it’s how he gets what he wants. He preys on your weak, mortal minds and before you know it, he’s ruling the world with an iron fist. Not the Iron Fist, but, you know what we mean. It’s how he took over Asgard.
Well that and his shapeshifting abilities, but bottom line is, he believes humans are lesser beings than Asgardians and that we should bend the knee to them — his speech in Germany made that clear. It would be difficult to even remain friends with Loki because he’s such a trickster. You would never know when he’s sincere or when he’s using you for his own devious plans.
5. SWIPE RIGHT: T’CHALLA/BLACK PANTHER
The new king of Wakanda was actually a tough choice to put on this list. There is a lot against him because from what little we have seen of him in the MCU, he doesn’t seem to know how to relax. Also, if the MCU Wakanda is anything like the Wakanda from the comics, they are an isolated nation, and they like it that way. However, if you think of it from the point of view from a Wakanda citizen, he might be a great person to be around.
He’s the king, so he could go anywhere without question. Royalty-only locations, for example, would be open to you. Free drinks wouldn’t be a problem, which would probably be necessary since he is the king and you might need some liquid courage to loosen you up. And let’s not forget that he is a cat person — the internet’s favorite pet.
4. SWIPE LEFT: HELA
To be fair, we don’t know a whole lot about Hela in Thor: Ragnarok yet. In the comics she is the daughter of a different Loki, but maybe that alone shouldn’t be held against her — we aren’t sure if that’s going to carry over into the Cinematic Universe, but it’s possible. What we do know is that she is the Goddess of Death. If you see that listed on someone’s Tinder profile, please move on.
Nothing good ever comes from someone that calls themselves the Goddess of Death. She also shatters Mjolnir, which is just rude, and takes over Asgard with the ultimate goal of destroying everything. While she might be indirectly responsible for Thor’s awesome new haircut, it’s not very cool of her to banish him from Asgard. Swipe left, just swipe left on this one.
3. SWIPE RIGHT: PEGGY CARTER
Ever hear of the glass ceiling? Peggy Carter put a nice, large crack through it. She’s a beautiful, smart, resilient, and witty military officer that won’t put up with your crap. She lived in a time when women didn’t receive the same accolades their male counterparts did because women were seen as nothing more than secretaries and housekeepers.
Even as a founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. (SSR) and a master spy, she was rarely seen as anything more than a secretary. If you do match with Peggy be sure to have a sense of humor. Or at least be able to catch onto sarcasm, because Peggy is known to be facetious from time to time. It’s a kind of defense mechanism that comes in handy when she is underestimated by her peers.
2. SWIPE LEFT: ELEKTRA
Elektra Natchios might be pretty, but she is also easily bored, which can lead to some less-than-legal escapades during a night out on the town. Unpredictability might be desirable to some in order to keep a relationship fun, but Elektra takes unpredictable to a new level. Her idea of a fun time out is sneaking into a house and waiting for the owners to return so she can kill them. Or get you to kill them.
If that’s your kind of thing, please seek help. You might think you can meet-up with her without having to get your hands bloody, but once she seduces you with those bedroom eyes, you’ll find yourself sharing a cell with Frank Castle. She was raised from a very young age to be a killer, taking on three full-grown men simultaneously before she was even a teenager just for training.
1. SWIPE RIGHT: CAPTAIN AMERICA
There is no bigger boy scout than Steve Rogers, always standing up for the little guy and putting a stop to bullying on a global level. He might not have been much in his younger days, but World War II motivated him to stop skipping leg day — and every other workout day — to attain pique physical condition. He must have discovered Wheaties.
He’s the perfect friend to have a beer with because he can drink with you and still be sober by the end of the night, making him the best designated driver. Loyalty and honesty are two shining qualities in this man. He’ll be there for you when you need him, and help you out of any dark times you might be having. Captain America is the type of person everyone should aspire to be and be with.
Are there any other MCU characters you’d swipe left or right on? Let us know in the comments!
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