No, seriously! Those are Scalped and Ultimate Captain America writer Jason Aaron's exact words to the legendary Watchmen and From Hell scribe (and fellow beard enthusiast) in Aaron's latest "Where the Hell Am I" column for CBR: "Go fuck yourself, Alan Moore." Apparently the writer took Moore's spate of angry and dismissive comments about the comics industry -- spurred most recently, in straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back fashion, by unpleasant dealings Moore had with former collaborator Dave Gibbons over DC's potential publication of Watchmen sequels -- very personally:

But just how has Alan Moore seen fit to thank me for all the support and adoration I've shown him over the years?

By throwing me under the bus, that's how.

[...]

As a comic book writer, I am mostly definitely a child of Alan Moore, whether it shows in my work or not. He had one of the most profound influences on me of any writer in comics.

But I guess all I've done is let the old man down.

Apparently it's my fault, as a modern-day comic creator, that poor Alan Moore continues to be so bedeviled by Marvel and DC. If I just didn't suck so bad, along with all my peers, then comic book companies wouldn't have to keep making Moore so miserable.

[...]

"That's too harsh," you might say. After all, Moore's a rather squirrelly old man who worships a snake god. He probably doesn't even know what he's saying, and he does have every right to be upset about possible "Watchmen" sequels. I mean, as a fan, I don't want to see those either. And besides, he's said many times before that he doesn't even read comics anymore, so he really doesn't even know what he's talking about. It's certainly nothing I should take personal.

But I do.

As a fan, I'd just rather not support someone who so blatantly insults me and my friends.

Some other creators have gotten in on the act as well: Ex Machina artist Tony Harris (himself no slouch in the beard department) tweeted of Moore "He's a Douchebag" after first admitting he'd never read a single Moore comic. On the other hand, Viking writer Ivan Brandon (reasonably if not extravagantly bearded) begged to differ with Aaron's interpretation of Moore's remarks:

though i love my friends, still funny to me that some have taken a really vague rant & managed to find a way to be personally insulted by it[.] "alan moore said i suck!" well, first of all, no, he didn't. second of all: alan moore likely has no opinion at all about you or your work.

Because clearly the best way to respond to Moore's scathing critique of contemporary comics and Aaron's equally vicious rejoinder is with a good old-fashioned "let's you and him fight," I'll put it to the group. In the immortal words of the ads for Civil War: Whose side are you on?