TOP

Into the back issue box #36

by  in Comic News Comment

Today’s entry reminds me of something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it … Perhaps our loyal readers can help!  Plus: this issue is Mantlo-riffic!

If you’re hoping I’ll explain what’s going on in these posts, you can always look here.

The Incredible Hulk #301 (“You Are Standing At The Crossroads!”) by Bill Mantlo, Sal Buscema, and Gerry Talaoc.  Published by Marvel, November 1984.

                      


Ah, the Hulk.  Ol’ Rampager!  Angry Green Man!  You can always count on a Hulk comic to give you some big-time smashing, right?

Well, not if you’re Bill Mantlo!  Mantlo cares not about your desire for smashing!  All he cares about is character development.  Hulk brood!

                      


Yes, it’s issue #301 of The Incredible Hulk, and we begin with the Jolly Green Giant standing in a strange place.  In front of him is a tree with many hands pointing every which way, and all around are paths and mouths and, well, weirdness.  The dramatic narration reads: “From this place leads many pathways … but no path leads home.”  Well, that’s clear, then.

                             


On the next page, the narrator helpfully explains, “He is in exile here, a bludgeoning, brainless brute banished from Earth … before he could cause further harm to the world of his birth … and before it could further harm him.”  Dr. Stephen Strange, the “master of the mystic arts,” who opened a doorway between dimensions and deposited the Hulk there.  Hulkster, it seems, had become savage, with no trace of his human alter ego, Robert Bruce Banner.  But humanity owed Hulk too much to execute him, so Strange exiled him.  And Hulk was angry.  Apparently, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

             


So Hulk smacks the signpost of many hands.  Strange beings that look like the ball of seeds on top of a dandelion take him to task for smacking it, but they can’t communicate with Grumpy Puss.  He inhales them all and blows them out, causing them some consternation.  He looks into what appears to be a pool of water, standing vertically, and a tentacle pulls him in.  It’s tentacle porn in a 1980s Marvel comic!  The horror!  The creature tries to pull Hulk into its gaping maw (yeah, we know what that signifies), but Hulk begins to forcefeed it its own tentacles.  Oh, that wacky Hulk!  The creature doesn’t like this, so it spits Hulk back onto the path.  The dandelion things are back, and they peer into Hulk’s mind to try to communicate with him.  They form into a shape not unlike Bruce Banner, which makes Hulk really cranky.  As he swings ineffectually at the dandelions, a portal opens behind him, showing a city in flames.  Hulk sees the violence and destruction, which makes him all warm and fuzzy, and he goes through the portal and rests.

              


Dr. Strange is keeping his eye on Hulk, and through his thoughts, we learn that he chose several realities that might offer Hulk contentment.  However, “contentment” for Hulk means smashing everything around him, so Strange had to choose carefully.  If Hulk is disenchanted with whatever world he finds, a “fail-safe spell” will trigger his return to the crossroads, where he can choose again.  That’s handy to know.  Thanks, Doc!

              


Hulk jumps up, ready to smash, but notices something different about the ruined city.  The people aren’t real, but puppets.  Hulk doesn’t understand this, and things that Hulk doesn’t understand enrage him (add it to the list, I guess, behind puppies, Joe Morgan’s utter lack of knowledge about baseball, Ann Coulter, blitzing on 3rd-and-long instead of playing base defense, Tony Stark constantly talking about his “honeys,” nipple rings, and the fact that Angelina Jolie and Ben Affleck won Oscars before Jennifer Jason Leigh – those things make Hulk so mad!), so he starts with the smashing.  However, everything falls apart awfully easily, and Hulk doesn’t get it.  He takes no pleasure in destroying such puny things.  Jets swoop in and bomb him with missiles that don’t cause any damage, and when Hulk snags a plane in mid-air, he sees that it’s held up by strings!  Hulk perplexed!

                 


He pulls on the strings and is instead pulled up in the air.  A giant face looms above him, and as the camera pulls back, we see that Hulk is hanging from strings held by a young alien boy.  The boy is ecstatic that his version of “Demolition City” came with a “real live monster.”  Hulk’s in some kind of board game!  Oh, that Mantlo irony!  The boy runs off to tell his friend about the monster, and Hulk starts to realize that he’s in a toy.  That really bums him out, and thanks to Strange’s “fail-safe spell,” he vanishes from that reality and heads right back to the crossroads, “where he might choose again — until the end of time.”  Jeez, Mantlo, what a downer to end the comic!

              


There’s nothing really wrong with this comic, but it’s still not that good.  Mantlo does a fine job getting us up to speed on the Hulk and what happened in the previous issue, and why he’s in this strange dimension.  We do actually get plenty of smashing, but it all feels hollow, because Hulk beats up dandelion thingys and then a lot of cardboard buildings and tanks.  And, of course, we end up right back where we started, so nothing really gets accomplished.  If you’re a first-time comic book reader, there’s nothing in here that will make you never pick up a comic again, but I’m not really sure you’d be inclined to come back, either.  Is this all there is?  Hulk gets angry, smashes stuff, and gets to do it all again next issue?  Set in the context of a longer story arc, I suppose it might work (and I have no idea how long Hulk spends in this crossroads dimension), but it’s kind of a boring issue standing on its own.

              


As for Strange’s scheme … it sounds pretty good.  I wonder if Marvel has tried it recently?