TOP

Five Goofiest Moments in Captain America #318-322

by  in Comic News Comment

You voted, and in a wide margin, you decided that you wanted me to feature five-issue stretches without going in chronological order, so that’s what I’ll be doing! So for the rest of the month, each day will have the five goofiest moment from a five-issue stretch of a particular comic book run. Once a week it will be the ten goofiest moments of a ten-issue stretch. Here is a list of the moments featured so far.

Today we’re looking at Captain America #318-322, by the late, great Mark Gruenwald, layout artist Paul Neary and a variety of inkers!

As always, this is all in good fun. I don’t mean any of this as a serious criticism of the comics in question. Great comics often have goofy moments (Kirby/Lee’s Fantastic Four is one of the best comic book runs of all-time and there were TONS of goofy stuff in those 100 plus issues!).

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Nice glasses, Cap!

This is not a big deal, but boy, check out Cap’s driving glasses…


Awesome.

An Indecent Proposal…

This scene from Captain America #319 is definitely goofy, but I think it is doesn’t really count so much because it is deliberately so, as we’re SUPPOSED to think what Diamondback does here is bizarre.



Still, pretty freaking crazy!

5. Oh, get over yourself, Cap…

Gruenwald’s Captain America had a bit of a reputation as a stick in the mud. It is scenes like this that earned him that reputation. To capture the villain-killer, the Scourge, Cap and the police work together to concoct a fake story that one of the Scourge’s victims from Captain America #319 survived. It is a good plan, but check out Cap’s concerns over the plan…


The bit about Mirage’s loved ones is fair enough, but “this is the first time I’ve tampered with our nation’s free press”? Get over yourself, Cap.

4. Lack of attention to details…

In Captain America #319, Gary Gilbert, the former supervillain known as Firebrand, is trying to organize his fellow low-level supervillains against the threat of the villain-killer known as the Scourge.

Gilbert goes all out on protection for the meeting…




But he, of course, doesn’t think to vet the bartender!!!


If there had been some explanation for how Scourge was able to avoid the retina scans, that’d be fine, but nope, Gilbert just figured “the Scourge could disguise himself as anyone…well…anyone but a BARTENDER, right? Where could he find a “Muscle Beach” t-shirt?!?!” Quite silly.

3. Your name is Rachel? I think what would suit you is…throwing diamonds!

In the aforementioned #319, Diamondback (who eventually would become a major part of Gruenwald’s Captain America run, as well as Cap’s girlfriend) tells Cap her origin…



How freakin’ random is it that she chooses throwing diamonds? How is that not explained? Like something like “I always liked diamonds growing up” or “I always wished I could wear diamonds” or SOMEthing – something other than “I think my weapon of choice should be throwing diamonds because…well…I figure in the future it will match this Serpent Society that I don’t know about right now.”

2. Because no one demanded it!!

Reb Brown starred in two Captain America TV movies in 1979. They weren’t awful, really, but Cap had this cheesy motorcycle helmet in the movies (likely inspired by the helmet in Easy Rider)…


So, SEVEN YEARS LATER (so it wasn’t like he was forced to tie-in with the TV movie), Gruenwald decides to introduce a variation of that motorcycle helmet into the Captain America comic with Captain America #318…




Hilarious.

1. You do get that he fought in a WAR, right?

I enjoyed Mark Gruenwald’s Captain America run. I really did. However, in one of the major aspects of the character, Gruenwald just whiffed badly. For whatever reason, Gruenwald decided to take this extremely hard stance on Captain America and killing. This followed Captain America #321 (the one with the famous Mike Zeck cover featuring Cap blasting away with an uzi) where Cap is forced to kill a terrorist. In Captain America #322, Cap reflects on his actions…


Oh man, it is just sooo goofy. Cap fought in World War II! The idea that he never killed anyone is preposterous. But okay, let’s say that Cap somehow managed to avoid killing anyone during the war (silly, but let’s buy it for the sake of argument), the idea that he would be distraught over doing do now is just so contrary to Cap’s established character I just can’t get over it. I don’t mind Cap going out of his way to avoid killing if possible, but the idea that it would make him distraught? That is way too goofy (especially that zoom-in on Cap’s distraught face). In fact, I intentionally made #322 the cut-off because the next four-five issues all would have no-brainer entries on this list, except that they ALL revolve around the SAME TOPIC – Cap moaning over killing someone.

It’s really too bad, too, as I really wanted to feature Nomad’s wicked ‘stache from Captain America ##24…


Oh, I guess I just did. I’m sneaky like that…