Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and became Spider-Man. Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed and that led him on a path to becoming Batman. The Green Lantern Ring found Hal Jordan and had him join the Green Lantern Corps. What do these guys have in common? They unwillingly became superheroes. So, if these guys became some of the greatest superheroes by accident, then gaining super powers on purpose shouldn’t be that difficult, am I right?
You could arguably earn a black belt in five years. It’s feasible that you could get a PhD in about eight years. We live in we don’t have the time to train for decades or spend the time inventing something… we want to have super powers right NOW! We here at CBR think that gaining superpowers is a heck of a lot easier than you may think. Are we advocating that you douse yourself in radioactive waste or shoot yourself into outer space? No. However, we’re giving you examples that worked for other (fictional) people so take that as you will. The lesson also to learn is that it may be easy to gain superpowers, but being an actual super hero defending the rights of the little guy is the hard part. Here are 15 of the easiest ways to gain superpowers.
15. OBTAIN AN ALIEN ARTIFACT
Joseph Campbell talks about the hero’s journey in his writings, and often the hero is aided by some form of magical artifact. We know the world is a magical place, so go search for some super items to be a super hero! King Arthur found Excalibur. Hal Jordan found the Green Lantern Power Ring. Jamie Reyes found the Blue Beetle scarab. These guys found some cool trinkets that gave them all the superpowers that they could hope for… and they weren’t even actually looking for them in the first place!
What’s great about obtaining an alien artifact is that, because it’s so scientifically advanced that it’s like magic, you don’t have to work out or do anything labor intensive; the powers you want are there for you to use with little to no effort. The hard part is actually finding the alien artifact… everything after that is pie!
14. GET BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE CREATURE
Batman wasn’t actually bitten by a bat but Spider-Man was. A radioactive spider bit Peter Parker that fateful day and gave him a slew of powers including super agility, spider-sense, and the ability to crawl walls. Wes Cassady was a construction foreman who was bitten by a radioactive rabbit and gained superhuman speed, superhuman leg strength, and the ability to sense when he was being watched (but no, he did not go by the superhero name of Bunny Man).
We’re not sure the best way to irradiate an animal and we don’t advocate being bitten by one either, so avoid angering anyone at PETA, don’t go exposing any animals or bugs to radiation anytime soon. However, if they do happen to get exposed to radiation and you just happen to have your arm extended in front of them, let us know how it goes.
13. BECOME AN AVATAR TO AN EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL ENTITY
Being an avatar means you’re going to be the representative of a powerful creature. Moon Knight, for example, is the avatar to the Egyptian God of Vengeance, Khonshu. Marc Spector was killed in the desert but was resurrected by Khonshu, took the superhero name Moon Knight, and now serves as Khonshu’s avatar. For a brief period of time, the X-Man Colossus had the powers of the Juggernaut and was to a degree the avatar of the other-dimensional being Cyttorak.
How to apply to be an avatar? Perhaps there’s a super special section on Craigslist we don’t know about, or maybe just some good ol’ fashioned word of mouth. Being someone’s avatar means a lot on your plate, but the benefits alone are well worth it.
12. LEARN MAGIC
It’s hard to look at a superhero like Captain America or Batman and then look into the mirror. Maybe I will skip dessert today and head to the gym! Working out is hard: gym memberships are expensive, you can’t eat the foods you want to eat, and you always want to skip leg day. So what’s the solution to avoid all this hassle? Why flex your muscles when you can exercise your brain! Learn magic!
No offense to Dr. Strange or Dr. Fate; these guys aren’t as cut as Star-Lord or Superman. However, they certainly are more powerful due to their mastery of the mystic arts. Learning magic should be easy as reading a book, and that ain’t too difficult. Heck, you can even cheat like the demon N’astirh and use a computer to help cast spells. Awesome cheat code!
11. GO TO ANOTHER GALAXY
Daxamites (like Mon-El on CW’s Supergirl) and Kryptonians like hanging out in our galaxy not because of the many flavors of ice cream we have, but because of the fact that, when exposed to our yellow sun, they gain super powers. Back on Krypton under a red sun, Kal-El is normal just like you and me, but here on Earth, under a yellow sun he’s one of the mightiest people in existence.
Using this logic, it makes sense that traveling to a galaxy with a red sun would give an Earthing the same super-strength, invulnerability, heat vision, and other awesome powers that the Man of Steel has! Getting to Krypton is the hard part (obviously), but once you’re there you’ll absolutely be the baddest being on the block!
10. BE BORN LUCKY
Usain Bolt was born fast. Michael Phelps was born a great swimmer. One day, Charles Xavier realized he was born with the mutant ability to read minds and communicate telepathically. With any luck, perhaps you were fortunate enough to be born a mutant! Around the time you hit puberty your super power should be kicking into full gear, and with enough luck, you’ll be walking through walls, teleporting, or shooting optic blasts at your enemies.
With everything there is a cheat. If you weren’t born lucky enough to become an X-Man, you can become one of the U-Men. Considered by some to be the “Third Species,” the U-Men in New X-Men gained superhuman abilities by surgically transplanting body parts from mutants whose powers had already manifested. Sounds gross, but it still gets the job done.
9. DEMONIC POSSESSION
Remember when we talked about avatars? This is kind of the same thing, but replace “I will represent you here on Earth” to “my body is unwillingly possessed by some crazy creature thing.” The superhero Ghost Rider is a demonic figure who is a flaming skeleton wearing a leather jacket and riding a motor cycle. He’s had a number of hosts over the years (some of them willing, some not so willing).
Possession doesn’t have to be in the form of a demon or spirit. The Sleepwalkers were Marvel’s dream police. One of the Sleepwalkers manifested in the dream world whenever Rick Sheridan fell asleep. You don’t have to work out, learn anything, or do anything; just allow your body to be taken over by someone else. Sounds easy enough to me!
8. EXPOSURE TO RADIATION
If I were you, I’d avoid radiation exposure at all costs. Such movies as K-19: The Widowmaker and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan dealt with the fallout of radiation exposure (pun intended). However, there are those rare moments when exposure to radiation becomes transformative instead of horrifyingly lethal.
As a child, Matt Murdock was exposed to radioactive chemicals and, although he was robbed of his sight, gained enhanced senses including a radar sense. Even without vision he became the hero known as Daredevil. Meanwhile, Jonathan Osterman was caught in a radioactive particle test and transformed into Watchmen’s all-powerful Dr. Manhattan. They could have easily died, but fate dealt them a different hand. But since the risk is too high, we don’t recommend exposing yourself to radiation at all due to the risk of death. Also, don’t run with scissors.
7. TECHNOLOGICAL ENHANCEMENT
James Bond looks super cool in the various tuxedoes and suits he wears. Tony Stark looks even cooler in the suit we hears, and of course we’re referring here to his Iron Man suit of armor. With it, he can fly into space, take on the Hulk, and fire repulsor rays, looking good while doing it. What if you’re not a genius like Tony? James Rhodes has on occasion piloted the Iron Man armor and even got his own War Machine suit.
Meanwhile, Aric of Dacia is no computer genius but still was able to acquire the X-O Manowar suit, providing him with super-strength, speed, omnilinguism, and more. Angelo Mortalli didn’t have the same computer intelligence as Tony Stark, but rather was injected with nanites and became the hero known as Bloodshot, granting him a healing factor, superhuman endurance, and cyberkinesis.
6. TAKE SUPER DRUGS*
Drugs are bad, kids, but Steve Rogers may disagree with you. Thanks to an injection of the Super Soldier Serum, Steve Rogers went from a 90lb. weakling to the Star -Spangled leader of the Avengers. Captain America is considered to have peak athletic abilities when it comes to stamina, speed, and strength.
To increase his strength, Batman himself once used venom, a strength-enhancing steroid. It made him significantly stronger, but he eventually realized he was addicted to it and had Alfred lock him in the Batcave until he could kick the habit. So to recap, avoid using drugs and radiation to give you superpowers. Yes, they are easy ways to grant you superhuman abilities, but read the warning label: usage may result in death or the wish that you were dead.
5. GET BITTEN BY A SUPERNATURAL CREATURE
Finding a supernatural creature isn’t that hard to do. A trip to your local graveyard or dark, winding backwoods road may put you in touch with a vampire or a werewolf. Being a werewolf gives you enhanced senses and super strength, but wouldn’t be fun if you weren’t in a pack of other weres.
Being a vampire would be great as long as you weren’t a morning person; vulnerability to sunlight would literally turn you to toast. Although, there are some vampires who are daywalkers and don’t suffer from this vulnerability. For example, in the early 1900s, Tara Brooks was giving birth to a baby when she was bitten by a vampire. Her son, Eric, although not bitten, had Tara’s vampiric blood in his system, giving him vampiric strengths but none of their weaknesses. Eventually, Eric became the daywalker known as Blade.
4. ACTIVATE DORMANT SUPERHUMAN GENE
Sometimes we need a little push to get to our potential. That can be in the form of a mentor or coach cheering you on. In the case of Wade Wilson in the Deadpool movie, it was in the form of Francis Freeman. Freeman injected Wilson with a mutation-activating serum and then tortured him daily in order to try and get his dormant superpowers to activate.
What? You say you don’t like torture? Another way to activate any dormant genes is to expose yourself to Terrigen Mists. Let’s say you were, unbeknownst to you, a descendent of the alien race known as the Inhumans. Exposure to the Mists would activate your dormant Inhuman genes and trigger your wondrous superhuman powers. But beware: the Terrigen Mists are deadly to mutants!
3. SEND YOURSELF STUFF FROM THE FUTURE
In Back to the Future Part II, Biff Tannen was able to give his younger self a sports almanac from the future that allowed him to place bets on sports events that had yet to occur. Thanks to information from the future, he was able to make himself a rich man. Sending yourself information from the future doesn’t have to be about winning the lottery, it can also be about avoiding injuries, saving loved ones from disasters, or knowing how your favorite TV show is going to end (spoiler alert: everyone dies).
So how do you send messages back in time? If you’re unable to get hold of a time-traveling DeLorean, keep your eye out for massive weather events or even sunspots that might help you send a message back to your younger self.
2. HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO ALREADY HAVE SUPERPOWERS
No offense, Hawkeye, but when people are taking photos of you, they’re actually trying to photograph the people standing next to you, namely Thor, Hulk, Captain America… you know, the people that actually have superpowers?
Don’t laugh at that statement, Ted Kord… we’re talking to you as well. Your Blue Beetle motif may look cool and all, but at the end of the day, you’re no more powerful than Batman. Yes, that’s shade we’re throwing at you, Bats. In the climactic end battle of Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice, the Dark Knight has to watch from the sidelines as Wonder Woman and Superman fight Doomsday. If you want to look like you have superpowers, hang out with people with legit powers. Fake it till you make it, Clint.
1. BE RICH
In the trailer for Justice League, Barry Allen asks Bruce Wayne what his superpower is. His answer: “I’m rich.” Could being rich be the new superpower? Having money gives you power and influence, but it can also buy you some cool stuff.
The Mark Millar comic book series Nemesis is about a company that arranges for rich people to become supervillains. In the Batman story arc “Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?” the idea is floated that Batman’s world of villains and fighting crime was an elaborate and expensive ruse staged by Alfred to help Bruce deal with the trauma of his parents dying. When you’re rich, you can buy almost anything and do almost anything. What’s the easiest way to become rich? Start buying those lottery tickets!
How did you obtain your superpowers? Post your comments below!