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[YABS Chat

Note from Gail: Heya, film fans! This week, we’re proud to present a special treat. YABS and CBR have been fortunate enough to sponsor an online chat with red-hot actor Hugh Jackman, who plays (as if you didn’t know!) WOLVERINE in this summer’s Twentieth Century Fox X-MEN film! For those of you who missed the CBR EXCLUSIVE short-notice live chat, we’ve provided the transcript below. Thanks to Jonah for helping me set this up and for his technical expertise, and special thanks to Executive Producer Tom DeSanto (a true comic book fan, it turns out), and lastly, huge thanks to Hugh Jackman, who took time out from post-production on the film to spend a bit of time with us. Champions, all!

YABS: First, Hugh, I’d just like to thank you for agreeing to this chat. I understand how busy you must be, so it’s much appreciated.

HUGH JACKMAN: It’s a pleasure to be here. Sorry if I type a little slowly. Not used to this keyboard.

YABS: It’s probably the claws getting in the way, I guess!

HUGH JACKMAN: Ha ha!

YABS: Well, I know a lot of our readers are going to have questions for you, so if it’s okay, I’d like to just go ahead and open the floor, all right?

HUGH JACKMAN: Have at it, then. Fire when ready.

YABS: Okay, then…first question, please? And just a reminder, we have a lot of readers and only a little time, so please be brief. Also, please be patient, and we’ll get to as many of you as we can. Here we go!

GENIUSATWORK: Hello, Mr. Jackman. I’d just like to know why you didn’t ask any FANS to write your film script. Hollywood seems so biased against untested scribes, such as, for example, I. Let myself assure you that I have a MILLION ideas far better than whatever plot your people came up with, and yet astoundingly, no one called me. How do you account for this? It braggarts the imagination!

HUGH JACKMAN: Well, I’m sorry, but this movie cost 75 million dollars to make, you know. It’s not like they could just go knocking on people’s doors to get a script.

GENIUSATWORK: Typical corporate thinking. I predict this movie will bomb, based on this alone.

BIGBREASTS: Hello, Mr. Jackman! Lol! I just wanted to say, as a FEMALE fan, that us FEMALE fans think you’re totally hot. I was talking with my FEMALE friends, and as you can tell by my handle, I’m also FEMALE, and I just wanted to know if you’d be doing any nude scenes and if you think I’m really a female?

HUGH JACKMAN: Well, no.

YABS: No.

GENIUSATWORK: No.

BIGBREASTS: This is a problem we FEMALES have on the net. Would anyone like to go to a private chat w/ me?

HUGH JACKMAN: No.

YABS: No.

GENIUSATWORK: …YES!!!!!!!!!!

YABS: Get a room, guys! Jeez!

HUGH JACKMAN: Maybe a question about the movie?!!??

BUFFALOBILL: I have a question. Mr. Jackman, as I’m sure you’re no doubt aware, in Wolverine #84, Logan is said to have a psychic link with a creature called the Hunter In The Darkness. I’m wondering how this will be handled in the film?

HUGH JACKMAN: I have no idea, mate. It’s not in the script.

BUFFALOBILL: What? But surely, you’re not leaving out that memorable scene from Alpha Flight #52 where he is inducted into the team?

HUGH JACKMAN: Sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

YABS: It’s only a two hour movie, Bill.

BUFFALOBILL: But…that’s…I…but…how…continuity…doom…suicide only option…!!!

gear: I have no opinion but I think it will blow.

HALFAN: I also think it will suck. Hey Hugh you know who would have been good as Prof. X=Patrick Stewart. He’d be AWESOME! ONE, he looks just like him, and TWO he is a real good actor!

HUGH JACKMAN: Halfan, Patrick Stewart IS Xavier in this film.

HALFAN: Aw man! Patrick Stewart SUCKS!

ARTEEST: Id jst lke 2 announce m nw wbst. Pls cm 2 my wbst.

gear: I haven’t seen the costumes, but I don’t like them.

NUTBAG KING: NUTBAG KING RULEZ!

HUGH JACKMAN: Well, I hope you people will at least give the film a chance. We worked very hard on it, and Brian Singer is a genius. He really tried to make a film the fans and non-fans would enjoy.

CYCLOPS8: Mr. Jackman, was it hard for you to show Wolverine’s anger in this film?

HUGH JACKMAN: Finally a question I can answer, ha ha. Well, we shot the film in Toronto, and it was cold, and I would take ice cold showers, no kidding. After a while, I felt like QUITE the angry little guy!

gear: I’ve never taken a shower, but I bet they suck.

NUTBAG KING: I AM NUTBAG KING! ERIE, PA ROX, YOU DORKZ!

BOOBZ: Mr. Jackman, I think the black leather costumes you wear are totally hot would you like to private chat w/me?

YABS: BOOBZ, are you just BIGBREASTS in here under another handle?

YABS: BOOBZ?

YABS: I guess we lost her.

GENIUSATWORK: So did myself!

NUTBAG KING: IROQUOIS SENIOR HIGH = THA BEZZZT! BRAVES RULE OVER ALL! SO SAYETH NUTBAG KING!!!!

BOOBZ: Nutbag King, would you like to private w/me?

GENIUSATWORK: I didn’t want you ANYWAY, you SLUT! I’m LEAVING! As soon as Jack of All Trades comes on.

YABS: Hugh, I’m really sorry about all this…I don’t know how to delete people yet!

HUGH JACKMAN: It’s okay. I have to go soon anyway. Does anyone else have a question ABOUT THE MOVIE?

CYCLOPS8: Mr. Jackman, can you tell us the ending of the film?

HUGH JACKMAN: What? Of course not!

CYCLOPS8: Can you read the script to us? Maybe just the ending?

HUGH JACKMAN: NO!!! I can’t do that!

CYCLOPS8: Okay, then how about just telling the ending?

VAMPIREHUNTERD: Did Wolverine get to knock boots with Rogue in this film? Anna Paquin’s HOT!

KIDROK: I have a copy of Wolverine 38 how much is it worth. The cover is off.

YABS: I’m sorry again, Hugh. Maybe this was a bad idea.

GENIUSATWORK: Mr. Jackman, perhaps you might be interested in a mini-series proposal I have in mind. I’m going to write the whole thing out soon, and I expect it will be several hundred pages long. The premise is this: the old heroes are gearing for war, and on one side is the Legion of Superheroes and on the other side is the X-Men. But with REALISM. Like Saving Private Ryan, but with superheroes.

CYCLOPS8: I like the dark blue leather costumes, Mr. Jackman.

VAMPIREHUNTERD: The suits are BLACK, Cyclops8!

CYCLOPS8: Pardon me, but the suits are dark blue, VamphuntD.

HUGH JACKMAN: Well, WHATEVER color they are, I’m just hoping that you comic fans will come and try the film with an open mind. I think you’ll really enjoy what we’ve done.

VAMPIREHUNTERD: They’re BLACK. No offense, but are you BLIND?

CYCLOPS8: I don’t blame you for thinking that, VamphuntD. A LOT of inbred freaks are color-blind.

YABS: Guys, let’s not get hostile here, okay?

NUTBAG KING: NUTBAG KING, RULAH OF DA NET!!! YOU ALL BOW BEFORE DA NUTBAG KING! MY FRIEND DEREK SEZ HEY TO HIS GIRLFRIEND DEBBIE!

HUGH JACKMAN: Good Christ. I’m gone. What a colossal waste of time.

VAMPIREHUNTERD: Listen, Cyclops8, you rat-faced motherhugger…I’ll rip you a new angel, you piece of pudding!

VAMPIREHUNTERD: What the hug?

YABS: Jonah’s software won’t let you curse in here, V. But if it would, I’d be calling YOU a motherhugger for chasing away our special guest!

CYCLOPS8: I’ll KILL YOU! I’LL KILL YOU ALL! I HATE YOU! I HATE MY MOTHER! I HATE HER!!!

BOOBZ: Cyclops and vampirehunterD would you like to private w/me?

VAMPIREHUNTERD: Yes.

CYCLOPS8: Yes.

gear: I don’t know who BOOBZ is, but I bet she sucks.

NUTBAG KING: NUTBAG KING SEZ CHRIS CLAREMONT IS SOMETIMES TOO FREE WITH THE EXPOSITORY DIALOGUE BUT IT’S UNFAIR TO JUDGE HIS NEW WORK BASED ON WRITING HE DID YEARS AGO! IROQUOIS YEARBOOK CLASS ROX HARD!

YABS: Okay, that’s it. I’m sick of this. You people are acting like complete IDIOTS. From now on, I want you to behave online as you would in your REAL LIFE, understand?

YABS: GOT IT?

YABS: WELL?

NUTBAG KING: …My real name is Francis.




You’ll All Be Sorry! is a satire published by Comic Book Resources, and is not intended maliciously. CBR has invented all names and situations in its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Hustler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485 US 46, 108 S.Ct 876, 99 L.Ed.2d 41 (1988)). CBR makes no representation as to the truth or accuracy of the preceeding information.

X-Men and all related characters are TM & © Marvel Comics. All Rights Reserved.

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