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[Dark Room]
Mission Statement: To provide a REAL voice for fans of Sequential Graphical Narrative Literature on the web, without all the “bullsh*t” and “compromises” that make other sites so “lame.” To look at the dark underbelly of this beast, without fear or hesitation. You may want to hang on, it’s going to be a bumpy “ride.”

          Brendan “Nightwing” Hockenberry, Sept. 2000 (The Year of the Bat)

BRENDAN’S BITS

Odds and ends and observations from the Dark Visionary of Sequential Literative Graphic Narration…

Hey! Instead of spending all that time having coffee and cookies on the veranda, maybe some of those “geniuses” at DC could put out a few comics with BATMAN in it, once in a while, huh? I mean, PLEASE. What’s a Batfan to do, guys? How about throwing US a bone once in a while? SHEESH!

+ + +

And HEY! “Kudos” to whomever the guy was who came up with the idea of bagging a free comic with an AOL startup disc! I’ve never tried “X-MAN” before, but I really wanted that disc, so I bought it, and it came with a free issue of the comic! And polybagged, no less! I swear, it’s about TIME someone thought of something like this. Right after I begin using super-convenient AOL, I plan to read the comic, if I get a chance. THANKS, AOL!

+ + +

A lot of people are talking on other websites about this rumor that Bob Harras has been fired from Marvel and replaced with Jimmy Quesada. Well, we here at the DARK ROOM don’t hold much with “rumors.” Save them for the OTHER guys, okay?

+ + +

People have been asking my dark opinion about this “Ultimate” line of comics, especially my lying, skanky former girlfriend Fern (of the recurring cold sore). Here’s what I think. As long as we keep re-inventing the great heroes over and over again, this industry is going to be ALL RIGHT. Rock on, Mr. BENDS!

+ + +

To those of you who art my fans and have been asking about the dark time following my split-up with Fern, you have my heartfelt appreciation. Sometimes, when two creative people are “together,” you have a lot of friction, and that sometimes causes people to drift apart. As many of you know, Fern does pottery (when her cold sores aren’t overwhelming), and eventually, our visions of how to decorate our apartment clashed badly. Plus she was doing my best friend. In a way, I’m glad it’s over, because the dark pain is helping me “focus” on my writing and I feel that a breakthrough will be coming any day in completing my second story. Also, does anyone have like a dark spare room or a shed or something where I could crash for a while? The shed I’m currently staying in leaks badly.

+ + +

Two words: Future Rama.

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NOTICE: This week, like always, I will be staging a chat on HOW TO WRITE FANFICTION in my chat room, Thursday at 6:00 EST. To the guy who keeps showing up, I’d just like to say that it was funny once, but those farting noises you post are probably what is keeping everyone else away. GROW UP.

DARK RANT

Brendan gives his in-depth “analysis” of the hot topics affecting Serialized Narrative Sequential Graphi-ficto-comics. WARNING! CONTROVERSY ALERT! Brendan doesn’t pull any punches in this area!

Alan Moore. Frank Miller. Jordan B. Gorfinkel. These names ring throughout the Bat-shed with the malodorous sounds of honor. The master scribes. The REAL geniuses. So why aren’t they doing Batman now?

Is it pride? Well, you know when pride goeth after!

Is it money? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t need a paycheck to write Bat-stories AND NEITHER SHOULD THEY! Not if they are “true” “artists!”

I heard somewhere that Alan Moore might be having some sort of “feud” with DC, publishers of Batman. Well, I saw a picture of the guy, and he looks like he could keel over at any minute. Seriously, if he lives another six months, I’ll be amazed. Does he REALLY want to meet his maker without a sequel to THE KILLING JOKE? How will he defend THAT? “Oh, sorry, mate, I was busy writing bloody TOM STRONG, guv’nor!”

I’d like to see what God says to THAT!

And Frank Miller…I wrote a song.

We’re writers and readers, united and strong

We’re here to talk about the Bat world, we don’t LIKE what’s goin’ on!

It’s time for some justice, it’s time for the truth…

We realize it’s time that you did DK 2!

Gotta say I. I. I.

Ain’t gonna buy Sin City!

And then it would go on like that. I was going to do a sound file but those are really hard and Fern (SKANK!!!!) has half my computer sh*t. Anyway, back to my point: Batman Rules.

DARK NEWS

Get the STRAIGHT STUFF right from the INDUSTRY’S MOUTH!

ITEM! The word is out! KIDS LOVE BATMAN! Are you LISTENING, DC “GENIUSES?”

ITEM! Guess which webmaster just received the prestigious “Amy’s Kewl Site” award? YOU GUESSED IT!

ITEM! I was watching some porno tapes a couple days ago and some of the actors seemed awfully familiar! WELL! Endless repeat viewings confirmed my suspicions, and it appears that famed Archie writer MARK WAID served as a “fluff boy” and “stunt rump” in a the film series TAIL TO THE CHIEF parts I through IV, under the stage name, “MARK WADD!” Congratulations on the change of careers, Mark! And did I really see David Anthony “Quim” do a walk-on?

ITEM! Manga is HOT! Seems like EVERYONE is Japanese, these days. Banzai!

ITEM! Well, it seems like a lot of people have been saying that Greg Rucka, (WHITEN, SMOKING), dark scribe of Detective Comics, will be writing a dark story including Poison Ivy! Well, in this EXCLUSIVE MINI-INTERVIEW, we get the REAL story.

DARK ROOM: Hello, Mr. Rucka. As a fellow writer, we are a big fan of your work.

GREG RUCKA: I am Greg Rucka, writer of Whiten, and Detective Comics. I may not remember giving you this exclusive interview, because I’ve given so many, so this may just be one I’ve forgotten that I gave to you, exclusively. I wrote a lot of NO MAN’S LAND.

DARK ROOM: hahaha! Priceless! All right, enough shop talk. Why don’t you tell us about your upcoming issue of Detective which features Poison Ivy?

GREG RUCKA:

DETECTIVE COMICS # 751

Written by Greg Rucka and

Jordan B. Gorfinkel; Art by

Shawn Martingbrough, Jeff Johnson

Steve Mitchell, And Dan Panosian.

In stores October 11 Poison Ivy has been secluded in Gotham Park since the end of “No Man’s Land.” Now the Mayor wants her out, and has ordered Gordon to remove her At all costs.

FC 40 pg. …………………..$2.50

DARK ROOM: Wow! Sounds great! And what was it like working with Jordan B. Gorfinkel?

GREG RUCKA: Written by Greg Rucka and Jordan B. Gorfinkel.

DARK ROOM: Ha ha ha! I hear ya! Thanks for hangin’ with us here at the DARK ROOM, Greg!

DARK SNAP CRITIQUES THAT SUCK

Here is a bullsh*t-FREE area! Here we say the things the “GENIUSES” at the big companies don’t want you to know! Beware, master fanfic author Brendan “Nightwing” Hockenberry isn’t afraid to SPEAK HIS MIND! Look out so you don’t get blood on you!

DETECTIVE COMICS #749: This was okay.

BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHTS #8: I sorta liked this.

BATMAN # 582: Had some good parts.

BATMAN: LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT #134: Not too bad.

AZRAEL: AGENT OF THE BAT #69: I liked that one part.

MY ART

I’m going to do some more of these if I get some time someday. This is how I picture the women of the Bat-verse. Strong. Independent. Tough. Not skanky and riddled with cold sores , like some people I could mention.

STORY VISION ARCHIVES

These dark visions were first published on the YOU’LL ALL BE SORRY page at John Whellan’s Comic Book Resources. I know I haven’t updated this for a while, but I’m working on a second dark vision and once I get a new place (DIE, FERN, DIE!) I’ll work on this more.

BATMAN AND THE LEGEND OF THE DARK OUTSIDERS (Part One)

BATMAN AND THE LEGEND OF THE DARK OUTSIDERS (Part Two)

PROFESSIONAL CREDITS




Thanks very much to Drenn for lowering his artistic standards specially for this week’s Yabs!

     – Gail

Discuss this column on the You’ll All Be Sorry! Message Board.
Batman and all related characters are ™ & © DC Comics. All other characters are ™ & © their respective owners. All Rights Reserved.

You’ll All Be Sorry! is a satire published by Comic Book Resources, and is not intended maliciously. CBR has invented all names and situations in its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Hustler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485 US 46, 108 S.Ct 876, 99 L.Ed.2d 41 (1988)). CBR makes no representation as to the truth or accuracy of the preceeding information.

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