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Disclaimer

by  in CBR Exclusives Comment
<a href="#disclaimer">Disclaimer</a>

WARNING!


This Site contains information that

non-humans and aliens might find offensive.

If you are not a true human please

EXIT.

However, if you are of pure Earth blood, then please

ENTER.

EARTH NEEDS A WAKE UP CALL!!!
[DIRTY ALIENS!]

PEOPLE OF EARTH! ARE YOU SERVING YOUR ALIEN MASTERS???

Then this website can SAVE YOUR LIFE I am not kidding!!!

It is time for America and non-America alike to wake up and smell the coffee that is BURNING OUT OF CONTROL!! One day is coming soon when ALL of us will bowed down before those alien scum and what will you say then? “I am sorry, I should have listend to Dave when he tried and tried to warn me?”

TOO LATE, MY FRIEND!!!

My name is Dave, and I am an EARTH PATRIOT. A true “son” of our planet not a toady to the liberal “media” that says we must embrace the Lizard People that walk and sometimes fly among us!!! Mabye I cannot fly or jump real high or heat vision or powerful biceps, but I am all MAN!!

And I am FED UP TO HERE WITH ALIENS!!!!

The MEDIA and POLITICIANS say we are supposed to allow Lizard People like “SUPERMAN” to fight OTHER mongrel species in OUR CITIES and then say, “Oh THANK YOU Mr. ALIEN FREAK! May I please lick your boots like our POTHEAD POLITICIANS and COMMUNIST REPORTERS do every DAY?!” That would be a laugh!!! If I saw Superman I’d tell him, “GO HOME, LIZARD BOY!!!” Then I would say, “This is OUR PLANET, says GOD! So go back home if you’re so smart!!!”

Yes, DAVE is a SOLDIER in the war of TRUTH that is going on right now! Won’t you join with Dave and prepare for the SPECIES WAR that is surely coming? Dave ALSO has founded an organization of like-minded PATRIOTS OF EARTH, the KNIGHTS OF HUMANITY. Intreeged? Then READ ON!

PUBLIC ENEMY OF THE WEEK!!!!

[HATE LOISSSSS!]

Is this a candid photo fo famous reporter Lois Lane? I say NO! I say “L.L.” stands for LIZARD-LOVER!

LOIS LANE is a notorious SPECIES-TRAITOR and gets “hot” for ALIENS!!! When “SUPERMAN” first showed up here (need it be said ILLEGALLY? Guess LAWS are only for HUMANS, HUH, CONGRESS????) it was LOIS “Lizard-Lover” LANE who repoted how GREAT he was all the time, thus SWAYING THE GULLABLE PUBLIC! Much swaying was done INDEED!!

But “MS.” Lane had more in mind than “exclusives!!!” She became SUPERMAN’s “Girlfriend!” I am puking right now that a human woman would lie down as if married with an ALIEN!!!

But there is MORE! When this “wonderful” ALIEN dumped “MS.” Lane, she went write out and married a human guy who looks JUST LIKE HIM!!! I mean they are almost IDENTICAL!!! If you took off his glasses he would be a TWIN!!! Way to betray your WORLD, “MS.” Lane!!!

And yet, does this work the other way? Does a luscious TAMARANIAN come to say MY HOUSE and FALL IN LOVE with say a SHOE SALESMAN AT WAL-MART??? No, she does NOT! She is far far too SPECIAL for that!!! And that is another reason why “Ms.” Lane is the ENEMY!

MORE ABOUT DAVE

[DAVE!]

Dave is not all about hate and patriotism. Dave has many sides, like HO train sets, fishing, and also working with different types of tools, aka a screwdriver. Dave is a devoted husband to his wife and dog. Dave is also sometimes enjoying watching tv at Cliff’s Place with his friends. Dave’s team is the Packers and Dave’s best food is chili. Dave’s favorite color is blue and Dave also has a good relation ship with his neigjhbor on one side. Dave would like to have children someday but he is patient. Dave recently receive a “Satisfactory” report on his annual evaluation at the Topeka Wal-Mart. Dave even enjoys some hard rock bands like Genesis and Rush. Dave is NOT A BIGOT! Dave just hates things that are different and that is NOT WRONG!!!

10 WAYS TO TELL IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS AN ALIEN!!!!

10) They are not HUMAN!!!

9) They are GREEN!!!

8) They hate FREEDOM!!!!

7) ThEy are GOOD-LOOKING!!!!

6) Attractive girls LIKE THEM BETTER!!!

5) They almost fire you from your JOB juts because you refuse to be SILENCE about the TRUTH!!!!

4) They make ASST. MANAGER OF SHOES in less than a YEAR even though you have SENIORITY!!!! That is NOT RIGHT!!!

3) They tell their DAUGHTER she should never have MARRY you and you are a NO GOOD!!!!

2) They watch over you from a BASE on the MOON and say it is for PROTECTING!!!

1) They are DEFORMED but not in a GOOD WAY!!!

FOILING THE ENEMY’S INSIDIOUS SECRET POWERS PART IIX!

    a) For Heat Vision wear aluminum foil suit. It will bounce off like anything!!!

    b) For Mental Powers think of BASEBALL!!!

    c) If the alien is a SHE and has big cleavage ex. Starfire DO NOT LOOK!!! It is like POISON to true HUMAN MEN! DO NOT fall in love with this type of alien, even if her skin is like cinnamon and her eyes are perfect emeralds!!!

    d) Maybe they are fast? Try wearing CLEATS!!! Your feet will be stuck OK!

    e) Many aliens have wings. It is a good precautionary to wear a parachute AT ALL TIMES!!! This is my Number One Tip, no matter what K-Mart policy say!!

AN OPEN LETTER FROM DAVE TO ALIENS!!!

Dear NON-HUMAN.

You are so low you make me SICK!!! You are always running around saying how you are an alien as if it is better to have powers than to have an honest job like a normal joe!! Where do you get off acting so high & mighty? Why don’t you be honest and say you want to kill us all and take our guns?!?!

Maybe it would shut you up if I went to YOUR world and was smarter and stronger and better looking!!!

This planet was built by TRUE HUMANS and was made great by REAL MEN AND WOMEN and notice that I did not say ALIENS!! Look at what aliens have done that the liberal media forgets!!!

  1. Invasions which destroyed Australia-okay, I admit that this was basically a wash but still they DID INVADE and that is a HOSTILE ACT!!!
  2. White Martians which pretended to be good heroes. Maybe there are more White Martians than we think, you say? BIGNO!
  3. Have gorgeous flowing hair and starblasts and a skimpy costume! That is just to TEMPT TRUE HUMAN MEN and we will NOT BE TEMPTED!!! Normal non-luscious breasts are GOOD ENOUGH for ME, for SURE!!! I am SERIOUS!!!
  4. Superman, who is so great at helping he tried to TAKE OVER THE WORLD?!?! With this kind of help, who needs MEXICANS!?!?

And so, Mr. Offworld Creature, let me just say, GO HOME TO YOUR DEAD PLANET WHERE YOU ARE WANTED!

Sincerely,

Dave

JOINING THE KNIGHTS OF HUMANITY

Its easy! First, be a TRUE HUMAN! To prove this you have to pass an exam but it’s not hard, just show you’re human. Then, take the K.O.H. Pledge of Honor!

I pledge to PROMOTE and PROTECT the dominance and continued survival of the HUMAN RACE on this planet!!! I will gladly give my life in defense of my pure-terra brothers and sisters and I will resist the alien plague with my LAST BREATH!!! Also, I will not tell Dave’s wife and I will help clean up the basement after MEETINGS and such!!! So I do VOW!!!!

[ALIENS SUCK!!!]
Show your support four what we do by adding this banner to your site and linking to us. You need to know HTML to know how to do this.

Then you should read up on some of our literature:

THE PROTOCOLS OF KRYPTON (some of the facts have been proven to be “fictional” but this is STILL A GREAT BOOK!!!)

THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY OF LEX LUTHOR (a true human HERO and our first xenophobic President!)

THE TAMARANIAN LUSCIOUS-BREASTED SEDUCTRESS AND THE LONE NUT (this is more of a fictional story that is VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED when I am done writing it!!!)

Then you are ready to be one of US!!!

AREN’T YOU PROUD?!?!!?!

DISCLAIMER: This site is meant for informational purposes ONLY and is not meant to incite VIOLENCE AGAINST ALIENS which we abhor legally and will sign an affadavit even though some people might potentially see this information and act COMPLETELY OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL to commit horrible acts then that can’t be blamed on Dave at ALL, no WAY!!! I am SERIOUS!!!

PS: The next meeting is at Dave’s basement next Thursday at 0700 hours. Please bring a salad or side dish. Our guest speaker is Pat Buchanan, as always.




Discuss this column on the You’ll All Be Sorry! Message Board.
All characters are ™ & © their respective owners. All Rights Reserved.

You’ll All Be Sorry! is a satire published by Comic Book Resources, and is not intended maliciously. CBR has invented all names and situations in its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Hustler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485 US 46, 108 S.Ct 876, 99 L.Ed.2d 41 (1988)). CBR makes no representation as to the truth or accuracy of the preceeding information.

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