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FANtasies: 15 Dirty Thoughts Fans Have About Superheroes

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FANtasies: 15 Dirty Thoughts Fans Have About Superheroes

Let’s face it, comic book characters are drawn to look impossibly attractive. Evidently, only super-attractive people can become superheroes. The ugly ones are generally destined to become villains, just ask Doc Ock. Whatever your thoughts on it, it makes sense. Comics, like most forms of entertainment, are a form of escapism and fantasy. We like to try and identify with our comic book heroes, which is why so often we find ourselves thinking about what it would be like to be able to do all those things in real life. While most of it is just innocent fun, everyone has to admit to not only thinking about getting some powers but using those powers… in a variety of ways.

RELATED: The 15 Most Gratifying Bedroom Powers

The following superheroes got us particularly curious and we have to admit to thinking about how their powers must be really fun in the bedroom. These are the dirty thoughts all fans have had at least once while reading their favorite comic books. After all, how could you not wonder about whether or not Mister Fantastic has ever…”expanded”… things in the bedroom? Just in case you ever thought you were the only one to think these naughty things, we’re going to take a look at 15 super attractive heroes and the dirty thoughts their fans have about them.

15. MYSTIQUE

Mystique

You might be thinking that we’ve made a terrible mistake. After all, comic book Mystique is an incredibly manipulative supervillain. Movie Mystique however, is a lot more noble than her comic book counterpart. As a mutant that can shapeshift into whomever and whatever she chooses, Mystique is a master spy and presumably a master lover. They even touched on that in X-Men: First Class (directed by Matthew Vaughn) when she was trying to seduce Magneto by shapeshifting into Rebecca Rom- err… older Mystique.

It’s definitely a thought many fans have had. She could become anyone in the bedroom. Who needs any other woman or any other man if you had someone like Mystique to kick around the sheets with? The only downside would be that she’d probably be trying to dose you with something or manipulate you in some way. Still worth it.

14. BLACK CANARY

Black-Canary

Black Canary is an incredible fighter, possessing incredible skills in gymnastics and in several fighting styles. She has fought alongside the Justice League and the Birds of Prey, using her sonic scream (or “Canary Cry”) to fight the forces of evil. While the Black Canaries of the Arrowverse have used special sonic devices, the Dinah Lance of the comics possesses the canary cry as an innate metahuman ability. It sometimes makes us wonder a few things…

For example, does she ever lose control of that power? Like, when you hear a genuinely hilarious joke and you can’t keep that laughter in? Does the same thing happen to her and her scream? And of course, for the purposes of this list, if Black Canary is having a particularly good time in bed, does she ever reach “Canary Cry-levels” of satisfaction? What? We’re not the only ones who have ever wondered about that.

13. EMMA FROST

Emma-Frost

With her immense telepathic power and diamond hard skin, Emma Frost leads mutants with incredible confidence. She knows what she’s capable of and you can tell. She doesn’t hide who she is unnecessarily and she revels in her sexuality (as if you couldn’t tell by her choice of battle gear). Knowing that, it’s easy to imagine how creative she’d get in more private moments.

You have to wonder whether or not she’s ever used telepathy when guessing her partner’s favorite move or kink. She’d know what they wanted right off the bat (for better or worse), what they liked and what weird fetishes would be too much for them without ever having to say a word! Of course, that could go wrong for you if you suddenly have flashes that you don’t want her to see. And let’s be real, Emma probably likes getting some strange, and by virtue of that, so would you.

12. CATWOMAN

She began as a villain, stealing her way to wealth. Over the years, though, she’s changed; not her greed, but her role as a villain. She’s acted relatively heroically over the years and is no longer one of Batman’s major adversaries. Instead, she’s become one of his most memorable romantic interests and an ally to the Bat family, like when she aided Nightwing and Robin during the “Battle for the Cowl” storyline, helping to watch over Gotham with her signature whip and her devil-may-care antics.

Speaking of which, when people think of hot comic book characters, Catwoman is definitely one of the first that come to mind. With her whip and full-body tight leather, there’s no way you don’t automatically think “dominatrix.” There’s also no way you don’t also think about how much fun she and Batman would have, what with her flexibility, dexterity, endurance and reckless abandon.

11. POISON IVY

Poison Ivy New 52

We might be pushing it just a little, calling Poison Ivy a superhero, but considering that she’s been more of a good guy in Gotham since “DC Rebirth,” we’re going to go ahead and include her. After all, she seems to be heading into a more Selina Kyle-esque direction. They have a lot in common with their whip or whip-like weaponry, and the fact that they often to use their beauty and sexuality to their advantage.

Given Ivy’s tendency to walk around in revealing au naturel garb, it’s easy for the reader’s thoughts to start wandering and thinking about all the wild, freaky things people could do with Ivy’s agrokinetic powers, if they were so inclined and needed to put a little twist in their more intimate moments. Having access to certain herbs to set the tone of an evening immediately pops to mind, of course, plus you could literally lie down on a bed of roses. Sounds like a pretty magical night to us!

10. SCARLET WITCH

Wanda Maximoff is a mutant that dabbles in chaos magic, rewriting  reality, like she did in the “Decimation” story arc in 2005, depowering the majority of mutants in the world with just a few words, “no more mutants.” In fact, she’s so powerful, she was even able to get rid of the Phoenix Force more recently in Avengers vs. X-Men together with Hope Summers.

She’s awesome and dangerous, which can of course be an enticing combination. Vision was one lucky synthezoid. During that whole relationship, fans must have wondered how things happened in the bedroom. Did she ever try to make him organic for a moment or maybe warp reality around them in some cool and exciting way? You can probably imagine that they shared some pretty kaleidoscopic moments together.

9. WITCHBLADE

Witchblade revealing costumes

Sara Pezzini is the iconic wielder of the ancient Witchblade, which protects her and grants her enough power to fight the forces of hell. Sara can form a variety of weapons with the Witchblade, she can even create fire and heal wounds. It’ll also envelope her according to how much danger she’s actually in, which leads us to believe it has a lot of confidence in her… judging by how she’s usually depicted.

We know the Witchblade has a mind of its own and that it’s male, which is why it needs a female host for balance. Does that ever go further when Sara (or other hosts) start getting busy with someone? Has she ever been tempted to use this ancient force for a little fun between the sheets? It does have shapeshifting abilities after all. It’s a pretty naughty thought but seeing as how the Witchblade generally likes to effectively provide no more armor than a bikini… there are some questions we have for that weapon.

8. HARLEY QUINN

She’s slightly homicidal and she’s a bit of a lunatic but we love her for it. While Harley isn’t a hero by choice, she’s got a good heart and through the Suicide Squad, she’s helped save lives. That being said, she’s still undoubtedly someone to watch out for; but like they say, you’ve always got a keep an eye on the crazy ones!

It’s difficult not to have dirty thoughts about Harley, especially with her tendency to openly flirt, like she did in The New Batman Adventures, in the episode “Mad Love” (written by Paul Dini) when she asked Joker to “rev up” his Harley in that scarlet negligee. You have to assume she’d get up to some crazy things, as was hinted in the animated Batman and Harley Quinn (directed by Sam Liu) when Harley taped Nightwing up and got naughty with him, much to Batman’s disapproval.

7. COLOSSUS

Colossus Uncanny X-Men revealing costumes

Piotr Rasputin is a stand up guy, just doing his best to do the right thing. He’s also one of the X-Men’s most brutishly handsome members. It’s easy to see, after all: he’s a tall, incredibly brawny dude with huge pipes and a warm heart. Sometimes, especially in battle, he’s an even taller, much brawnier individual with shiny, hard metallic skin, making him invulnerable to most threats.

Of course, whatever dirty thoughts we had about Colossus were already expressed in Deadpool (directed by Tim Miller) by Deadpool, who came into contact with Colossus’ junk twice; once by accident and once when trying to take him down before expressing his sympathies for Piotr’s (hypothetical) wife. We have to wonder though… would his metallic manhood really be a bad thing, or would converting to his organic steel form just mean that he could last for hours?

6. HULK

Hulk

Everyone knows that you wouldn’t like Bruce Banner when he gets angry. Apparently, you wouldn’t like him when he gets too excited. In Incredible Hulk (directed by Louis Leterrier), Bruce had to put a stop to Betty’s advances on the bed when his heart rate started rising. It’s a funny moment but it gets us thinking… does that mean he can’t do that kind of stuff at all?

RELATED: Hung Justice: The 15 Most Well-Endowed Superheroes

It seems frustrating for him. All that pent up… “emotion”… must be difficult for him to deal with. Also, when he does turn into the Hulk, how large does everything get and does everything still work as it usually would? (This is actually something we’ve discussed… at length… in the above link.) It’s a part of that ongoing debate that no one likes to talk about but everyone takes part in: is the bedroom the best place or the worst place to turn into the Hulk.

5. LUKE CAGE

luke-cage-comics-jessica-jones

Carl Lucas was a kid from Harlem who had it rough. He tried to escape a life of gangs and drugs only to end up in prison anyway where he was experimented on and turned into a superhero. A really hot superhero. He’s big, buff, has a noble heart and he’s sensitive, all attractive qualities. This is especially true the way Mike Colter played Cage in the Netflix series, Jessica Jones and Luke Cage.

In those shows, he really gave new meaning to “getting coffee” and we were given a lot of chances to see just how passionate and gentle he is with the ladies. Obviously, he’s held back in those moments (except with Jessica, who could take it), but we have to wonder what it’d be like if he didn’t hold back. That moment he had with Claire in The Defenders didn’t seem that restrained to us.

4. THOR

The life of an Asgardian is full of blood, battle, merriment and mead. Thor is a perfect example of that, enjoying his life as he fights alongside mortal companions to protect Midgard from otherworldly threats. He’s a big, burly god who can rain lightning on his foes and is nearly invincible, for the most part. He recently lost his arm and now wears a black Uru prosthesis.

He’s also immortal. Think about it: centuries of existence, fighting, drinking, getting feisty with shield maidens and all that stereotype viking stuff. If anything, he’s lucky he’s immune to all diseases, if you take our meaning. It also gets us thinking about the kind of crazy things he’s gotten up to in the last millennium. Does it change when comes to Asgardians versus mortals?

3. THE HUMAN TORCH

johnny-storm-hottest

Johnny Storm enjoys his powers and that confidence emanates from him like his cosmic radiation-given flames. He’s a good guy but he’s reckless and wild. That’s part of the reason why we like him and why he helps add life to the Fantastic Four. It’s also the reason why some fans find him so attractive. Everyone loves a bad boy.

With his fire-based powers, there would obviously be a certain amount of danger involved if he ever used them in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean those powers wouldn’t have any use there at all. It could be romantic or really fun. He doesn’t need those flames per se, just a lot of heat or a bit of warmth. Hot stuff always helps in the bedroom. Flame on, clothes off!

2. THE FLASH

The-Flash-Barry-Allen

He’s the fastest man alive… or one of the fastest anyway. The speed force, which Barry Allen was given access to and became a conduit of after a freak lab accident, allows him to think and act faster than the speed of light. He revealed in Superman #709 (written by J. Michael Straczynski and Chris Roberson, illustrated by Eddy Barrows and more) that he can perceive events that occur in less than an attosecond. No need to look up what that is, we’ll tell you: it’s really friggin’ fast.

It makes us wonder about the pros and cons of having those powers in the bedroom. It’s an old joke that there’s a reason why he’s called “the Flash” and that’s an obvious con, but what about using those powers in other ways? We’re not going to go too into it because we don’t want to get too dirty, but we’ll leave it at this: there are ways in which vibrating at the right frequency can be a pretty great thing.

1. GAMBIT

Remy LeBeau was always that member of  X-men that no one completely trusted. Despite that, he became a fan favorite and continuously named one of the sexiest X-Men. He’s charming, mysterious and with his mutant abilities, is capable of turning any body at rest into one of explosive motion, imbuing objects with throbbing kinetic energy. With a character like that, how could you not have dirty thoughts?

Gambit is a smooth talker who knows how to work his way into the hearts of the women around him, like Rogue and his ex-wife, Bella Donna. Little known fact: his ability to charm or seduce people is actually a gift from his mutant gene. Of course, his charm also affects his fans. You can tell by all the raunchy fan art circling the internet. Talk about dirty thoughts. For those of you haven’t seen any, let’s just say that some fans tend to think of Gambit as both a masculine figure and an effeminate one in his private moments, meaning he’s got a little something for everyone.

Which other dirty thoughts have fans had about superheroes? Let us know in the comments!

Tags:
hulk, the flash, x-men
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