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Nut Crackers: The 15 Dirtiest, Filthiest Low Blows Ever

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Nut Crackers: The 15 Dirtiest, Filthiest Low Blows Ever

Whenever you’re in the middle of a super-powered scuffle, you can bet things are always going to get crazy. From street level fights to skirmishes with intergalactic warlords, trying to keep everything to a fair fight and hoping to walk out unscathed in a no-win scenario. Usually when things are looking their most hopeless, superheroes are forced to improvise. How so, you ask? It generally doesn’t matter who you are, a well-placed blow to the family jewels is typically enough to put many people out of commission, super powers or not. Such a strike is even more effective when you’re sporting enough strength to lift a building; it’s certainly never expected, taking opponents completely off-guard.

RELATED: Awful Rofl: The 15 Funniest Superhero Deaths

Throughout the history of comics there are a frightening amount of instances in where someone has kicked whomever they’re fighting right in no man’s land as it were. While some of these kicks were out of well-deserved rage, other times it was a means to escape or even to prove a point. Here at CBR we’re going to take a look at 15 of the dirtiest, and most painful, surprising low blows. Buckle up and remember to protect yourselves at all times cause this one is going to hurt.

15. DEADPOOL VS. BLACK PANTHER

black panther deadpool

During Marvel’s Civil War II, the heroes are divided over the appearance of a new Inhuman who can see into the future, predicting oncoming events. In Deadpool #15, Deadpool decides to check out the new Inhuman, Ulysses, on his own. Breaking into the Triskelion, Deadpool corners Ulysses but decides not to kill him. Upon leaving, Wade Wilson runs into the Black Panther, who is none too happy to see the Merc with a Mouth.

The two heroes go at it in spectacular fashion as their fight takes them all over the building. Eventually, they end up in the bathroom, slugging it out, Deadpool grossing out Black Panther with this humor. At the fight’s zenith, Deadpool kicks T’Challa right in his “balls of yarn” and Black Panther responds by kicking Deadpool just as harshly.

14. THOR VS. HERCULES

hercules thor kick

Thor, the God of Thunder, and Hercules, the Prince of Power, are perhaps the textbook definition of frenemies. Usually they’re able to put up with one another, as they have mutual respect for the others’ feats of heroism, but sometimes they just want to fight. This is such a time. During The Incredible Hercules saga, comic book shenanigans ensue, as they do, leaving Thor and Hercules dressed as the other.

While Hercules wields Thor’s hammer, Thor wields Hercules’s mallet. The two are pretty evenly matched, but Hercules seems to have the upper hand, on account of his willingness to fight dirty. Goading Thor on to do the same, the Thunder God takes Hercules’s advice and kicks him right in the groin, literally lifting off the ground as the delivery generates a miniature shockwave across the battlefield.

13. X-23 VS. AMADEUS CHO

x-23 amadeus cho

Anyone who’s ever met Amadeus Cho knows he’s a little jerk who can be really difficult to get along with. Even before he was the Totally Awesome Hulk, Amadeus Cho’s brilliance didn’t do him any real favors when it came to socializing with fellow members of society, superheroes included. In Fear Itself: The Home Front #7, Amadeus Cho recklessly endangers a group of young superheroes, X-23 included, all so his star can shine a little brighter.

After his teammates nearly end up getting killed while stopping an alien ship from causing destruction, Amadeus is more than willing to get in front of tons of reporters and cameras to gloat about his success. Laura, not at all amused with Cho or his cavalier attitude towards the fact they nearly all died, walks up and kicks him in the groin.

12. ELIJAH SNOW VS. DRACULA

planetary dracula

Warren Ellis’s Planetary is a terrific series, full to the brim with classic science fiction tropes and D-list monsters from popular fiction. Out of all his heroes in the comic series, Elijah Snow definitely stands out as a hero unlike many others. Virtually immortal, boasting genius-level intellect, and armed with cryokinesis, he’s a force to be reckoned with.

Throughout the series of Planetary, Snow and his cohorts come across all sorts of creatures and iconic figures, as they try and unravel a mystery involving some kind of grand conspiracy. Eventually, Elijah ends up crossing paths with Sherlock Holmes and Dracula and learns the two figures are part of the conspiracy. Dracula attacks Snow, and Elijah promptly freezes him before kicking him in the groin and shattering his vampire bits.

11. HERCULES VS. SENTRY

hercules vs sentry

Hercules has a way with getting into lots of fights with lots of different super-powered people. In The Incredible Hercules #128, the famous Greek demigod goes toe-to-toe with Sentry, the hero imbued with the power of a million exploding suns. In the issue, Norman Osborn has had it up to here with letting Hercules, Amadeus Cho, and various Greek deities run around freely. Assembling his Dark Avengers, the two teams end up in a titanic battle that eventually sees Hercules squaring off against Sentry.

Throughout the entire fight, it’s pretty clear the Sentry is holding back, wanting to prevent anyone from getting seriously hurt. Still, as he begins to ramp up his power, Hercules decides to break out one of his favorite tricks: a crotch shot. The blow is powerful to temporarily stun the mighty Dark Avenger, giving Hercules enough time to retreat.

10. HAWKEYE VS. DAKEN

hawkeye vs daken

During the Marvel event known as “Dark Reign”, Norman Osborn, otherwise known as the Green Goblin, the archenemy of Spider-Man, has wrested control of the organizations S.H.I.E.L.D. and HAMMER from Tony Stark and other reasonably benevolent third parties. Now in control, Osborn begins molding the world as he sees fit, forcing plenty of superheroes to go into hiding.

Hawkeye, who’s hanging out with the New Avengers, has decided enough is enough and something has to be done about Osborn. Heading into Osborn’s tower, sporting his Ronin garb, so as to kill him, Hawkeye comes across Daken, the son of Wolverine, and one of Norman’s bodyguards. Giving Daken a solid kick to the groin, it’s enough to distract the feral mutant long enough for Hawkeye to give him the slip.

9. PUNISHER VS. WOLVERINE

punisher vs wolverine

You’d think the Punisher and Wolverine would get along better, especially since neither of them blinks at the prospect of killing the scum of the earth. Yet the two typically find themselves at odds with one another, which in turn leads to brutal confrontations. In 2002’s The Punisher #17, Frank Castle and Wolverine team up to take down a bunch of criminals.

Of course things don’t go as planned and the two anti-heroes start fighting one another. The Punisher immediately shoots Wolverine’s face off with a shotgun. Hardly slowed down, the Punisher goes with Plan B and continues bringing on the hurt by using a machine gun on Logan’s mutant junk. With Wolverine down, the Punisher takes advantage of the situation to roll him over with a steamroller.

8. SHE-HULK VS. STARFOX

she hulk starfox

A former Avenger, Starfox, or Eros of Titan and brother to Thanos, takes front and center and getting the space dust kicked out of him by the fabulous She-Hulk. In Issues #6 and #7 of Dan Slott’s She-Hulk, Starfox is brought to court, with women claiming he’s essentially used his super powers of seduction to sexually assault them. It’s a pretty damning charge, but amidst the trial none of the witnesses are able to say anything bad about him and even the jury seems to love Starfox.

Yet eventually, on a day of the trial when Starfox is not present, one of the witnesses is able to confess that he did use his powers on her and She-Hulk discovers Starfox used his powers on her too. Enraged, She-Hulk leaves the courtroom, hunts down Starfox and beats him senseless, delivering a mighty kick between the goal posts before arresting him.

7. SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN VS. JESTER

superior spider-man

When Doctor Octopus was dying, he cleverly masterminded a plan to switch bodies with his long-time adversary Spider-Man. His plan was a success and he went on to prove he could be a superior Spider-Man, doing everything Peter Parker did and more. Alas, this also included getting hit in the crotch in rather humiliating fashion.

In Superior Spider-Man #6, the D-list villains Screwball and Jester have been running around the city causing all sorts of mischief. While the duo is relatively harmless in their own right, the Superior Spider-Man takes it upon himself to stop them. As Spider-Man takes them on, Jester slingshots a weapon right in Spidey’s groin. With the fight being filmed, all of New York is left laughing. Spider-Man is not amused and beats the bad guys within an inch of their lives.

6. PUNISHER VS. POTENTIAL SEX CRIMINAL

punisher vs street thug shot

The Punisher has a healthy habit of shooting people in the groin. His unforgiving and unrelenting nature makes it so he feels absolutely zero compassion towards any criminal he comes across. In Punisher #14, a group of criminals have created a citywide blackout so that they can go and steal a bunch of jewels and treasure. The Punisher has something to say on the matter.

However, in leading up to Frank Castle dishing out strict discipline about why one shouldn’t rob or kill, a couple thugs tries taking advantage of the blackout to attack an unsuspecting innocent woman. The Punisher happens upon the group of scumbags and puts an end to the fracas with a well-placed shot to the crotch of one of the would-be rapists.

5. DEADPOOL VS. KANG THE CONQUEROR

deadpool vs kang

Deadpool’s Secret Secret Wars tells the story of Marvel’s original Secret Wars series, with a twist: Deadpool! Turns out Deadpool was a part of the entire event and people simply didn’t remember his involvement. In the first issue of the mini-series, the heroes and villains who are trapped on the Beyonder’s personal Battle World square off in a massive battle for the first time.

During the fight, the time-traveling villain known as Kang the Conqueror is hiding, planning to take down Captain America with a sneaky sniper shot. Deadpool interferes, messing up Kang’s plan entirely. The two fight and it seems Kang has the upper hand, what with his superior technology. Yet Kang decides to monologue rather than fight, which gives Deadpool all the time he needs to turn the fight around and kick Kang right in his futuristic crotch.

4. ULTIMATE CAPTAIN AMERICA VS. ULTIMATE HULK

hulk captain america ultimates

Throughout the first arc of Marvel’s The Ultimates, the first real opponent the team of Avengers (or rather Ultimates) are forced to contend with is one of their own: the Hulk. Flying into one of his rages after discovering that his on-again-off-again girlfriend Betty Ross is on a date with Freddie Prinze Jr., the Ultimates are forced to band together to take down the rampaging beast.

From Iron Man to Thor, everyone takes their shot at the Hulk, putting up valiant fights, but eventually getting easily beaten. That is until Captain America shows up. Completely unafraid, Captain America takes the fight to the Hulk, engaging him in a vicious one-on-one battle. In fighting one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel Universe, the good Captain has no choice but to fight dirty, taking any and every shot he can, including a crotch shot, until the Hulk is brought down.

3. SUPERGIRL VS. POWERBOY

supergirl powerboy

There’s a reason why Powerboy is no longer in the DC Universe. A creepy super-powered stalker who’s tenure was relatively short-lived, despite trying to come across as a hero, his only claim to fame was that he did a bang-up job of defining what it meant to be in an abusive relationship with a stalker. In Supergirl #15, he and Supergirl are making out when she suddenly leaves to check on a friend.

Powerboy immediately attacks her for turning her back on him, knocking her out. When she awakes, it’s to a shrine of her, hundreds of pictures with her face are plastered on the wall and Powerboy apologizes, saying he loves her and she shouldn’t make him angry again. Supergirl proceeds to kick Powerboy’s butt up and into space where she lands the satisfying blow that the psychotic hero had coming to him.

2. LUKE CAGE VS. ELEKTRA

elektra luke cage

Earning a spot on our list is a complete gender reversal in terms of who’s kicking whom. In New Avengers #27 Elektra and the Hand have killed Maya Lopez, otherwise known as both Echo and Ronin, and friend to Matt Murdock and the New Avengers. Doing what they do best, just as the Hand is about to possess Maya, the New Avengers bust down the proverbial door to rescue her.

Engaging in an all-out battle with the centuries-old ninja clan, one of the fight’s highlights comes when Elektra squares off with Luke Cage, the hero with unbreakable skin. Try as she might, the ninja can’t piece his skin with her sai. As they fight Cage says, “…I got a message from Matt Murdock…he told me, if I see you, to give you this…” and proceeds to kick Elektra right between the legs.

1. JASON TODD VS. NIGHTWING AND ROBIN

http://www.cbr.com/funniest-superhero-deaths/

Jason Todd constantly finds himself at odds with Batman and the rest of the Bat-family. It didn’t help matters any when the Joker killed him back when he was Robin. Jason would later be resurrected, as is the way of most comic book characters, but he came back with an axe to grind and a healthy dislike for Batman and friends.

Still, despite any misgivings he shared for Batman, Jason tries his best to do the right thing. However, shortly after he came back from the dead, trust is running in short supply on both ends. In Teen Titans #47, Duela Dent has been killed and while on their search for the killer, Nightwing and Robin end up confronting and hassling Jason on the matter, despite how he wasn’t involved in her death. Having enough with being manhandled, Jason smacks Robin aside and knees Nightwing in the Bat-family jewels.

Did we miss any other nut shots from comics? Let us know in the comments section!

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