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Devasting News About Ultimate Colossus

by  in Comic News Comment
Devasting News About Ultimate Colossus

Someone mentioned this old bit from last year to me the other day, and I thought it was funny enough to share it with you folks on the new blog. It is a super serious conversation that my pal Jake and I had over the “revelation” last year that Ultimate Colossus was a homosexual.

Warning: Profanity follows! Otherwise…

Enjoy!

Brian: WHAT

THE

FUCK?!?!

ULTIMATE COLOSSUS IS GAY?!?!?

Jake: IT TOTALLY RUINS THE COMIC!!!

Everyone knows that a big, strong, masculine MAN like COLOSSSUS can’t be GAY!

It’s so STUPID!

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUIN MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS???

Brian: Not only that.

I mean, THAT’S bad, but here’s what’s worse.

IT’S A FUCKING ALL AGES COMIC BOOK!!

WHAT

THE

FUCK?!?!?!?!

How is Ultimate X-Men NOT a MAX title…there’s a goddamn HOMO in the book!!!

Brian: Actually, fuck THAT!!

MAX is not a good enough warning sign, as MAX could mean some nice lady boobies, which is good.

Marvel should have a NEW warning system for their comics!

A big Q for QUEER!

THAT would help me buy my comics and help warn the poor children who have to get exposed to this FILTH!!

Jake: FUCK ALL THAT!

The comic should be BANNED and not sold ANYWHERE until they make the MASCULINE, MANLY COLOSSUS STRAIGHT LIKE HE SHOULD BE!!

Brian: THINK ABOUT IT!

The dude is made out of METAL!

METAL!!

METAL!!!!!!!!!

The most ungay thing in all of God’s creation!!

Jake: GOD CREATED COLOSSUS TO BE STRAIGHT AND MANLY AND HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN LIKE KITTY PRYDE.

NOT NORTHSTAR!!!!

I just can’t accept anything GAY like that!! It’s not what I want to see!!

Brian: Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!

It’s Piotr and Katya, not Piotr and Logan!!!

Thank you, folks, good night!

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