IDW Publishing’s partnership with Darby Pop continues this summer with the high-octane over-the-top ’80s cop-movie inspired series “Doberman” by writers Scott Marder, Rob Rosell & Jack Lambert with art by Brandon McKinney. “Doberman” follows the adventures of hard-as-nails LA Detective Frank Doberman, a throwback to the day when men were men and cops were cops.
Marder and Rosell also write for popular FX comedy “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” and when CBR News reached out for an interview they were unable to work out scheduling — but they did, however, send a more than adequate replacement when co-writer Jack Lambert was also unavailable. The man himself, Detective Frank Doberman, was more than happy to step in and speak about the series on behalf of its writers, revealing his favorite way to shotgun a beer, how to deal with punks, and more.
CBR News: Why would a badass like yourself agree to letting some punk TV writers create a comic book about you? You seem more like a movie kind of guy.
Frank Doberman: My mandatory, department-appointed therapist thought it would help me “recognize and address my anger issues” if I saw myself from an “objective position.”
As for movies… those Hollywood execs don’t have the nards to show what it’s really like out there. On the streets. In the alleys. They’re too busy making those sparkly monster movies.
What are you most looking forward to in your new series?
NO2. My agent couldn’t get much cash out of those cheap jackholes at Darby Pop, but he did get a nice perk. Nitrous oxide installed in my baby, and not one of those pansy ass street-legal setups either. 2,000 horsepower. At the push of a button, I can run down any scumbag or make the girls come running. Or both. At the same time.
How did you keep yourself busy during your self-imposed exile, as shown at the end of the first issue?
By grabbing Mother Nature by the throat and forcing her to yield her life-giving bounty. It’s not hard to stay busy when every moment is a fight for survival and a hunt for anything that can be used as a substitute for toilet paper. I used a corn husk once. Brutal.
Segal. Van Damme. Willis. Gibson. Who are your heroes?
Never heard of ’em. My only hero is Detective Bud Hawkins. Hawk is the greatest cop and the greatest partner and the greatest friend any man will ever know!
For the kids at home, what’s the best technique for shotgunning a beer?
A .38 Special. Just make sure you hold the can at least three inches from your face while your partner blows a hole in it, and then shotgun it from the entry point because the exit is going to be about three times bigger. Ya’ said this was for kids? Maybe a 9mm then, for their smaller hands.
How do you feel about the way artist Brandon McKinney draws your physique? It seems you must have given him a lot of access to get that shower scene just right.
Yeah, well… I’m not what you would call “modest.” Let’s face it — I have no reason to be. You’ve seen what I’m packin’. But I gotta say, that McKinney character probably took a few more reference shots than was necessary. Did he really need three-point lighting on my calves? I’m working on a warrant to check his browser history.
What’s your favorite way to deal with punks?
If I told you, Internal Affairs would be on me so fast… but let’s just say it involves a parking cone, extra virgin olive oil and a three day weekend.
How have writers Scott Marder, Rob Rosell and Jack Lambert done in translating your unique brand of justice to the page?
Piss-poor, if you ask me. I took them on a ride-along, and every one of them either puked or soiled themselves before the shift was over. My car looked like the vomit comet. Then they gave me some BS about how the world wasn’t ready to see the real Doberman. And those airholes may be right. You probably can’t handle it, but hell, even “Doberman Lite” will blow your mind.
Any advice for your writers in the future?
Yeah, bring an extra set of panties.
Speaking of Scott, Rob and Jack — what do they have to say about working with you on this project?
What do they have to say? “Yes, Detective Doberman. No, Detective Doberman. Anything you say, Detective Doberman.” That’s if they know what’s good for them, anyways. They’ve seen my parking cone trick — we’ll leave it at that. If you must know, it involves lowering a ma– I’ve said too much already.
Who would play you in a movie? What about in a play? Mexican telenovela?
Well, if those Execs ever did get sick of that Nic Sparks and decide to tell my story, they’d have to genetically engineer a human cocktail of John Wayne, Brian Urlacher and the Governator with Johnny Depp’s hair — but just the hair, you hear me?
As for a play, probably Doogie Howser. That guy shits Tony gold.
Now for a telenovela, I know this great actor named Moko Rieko. I hear he’s the best Latin American actor of his generation, and he’s on the way up. You keep an eye out for him.
[Editor’s Note: Shortly after this interview, it was revealed that Moko Rieko is in fact Doberman’s primary undercover persona. That, however, did not stop him from receiving an Academy Award nomination for his role in south-of-the-border hit “La Cabeza del Narcotraficante en un Plato Empapela,” or “Drug Dealer’s Head on a Paper Plate.” Critics are calling it a tour de force.]
“Doberman” #2 from IDW Publishing/Darby Pop is on sale this week.